My hero; My dad

[finn4576]

Where do people go when they die? Can they see us? Are they happy? It hurts my brain trying to think about where my dad is. Throughout my whole life all I’ve wanted was his approval of everything I have done. How do I get that now? I believe that my dad is in heaven, and I’m glad he’s not suffering anymore, but it was all so fast. I just want him here. Sometimes I even think about suicide just so I could be reunited with him. I haven’t felt okay or happy in years, and I’m only a teenager. I’m afraid that I’m never going to get better.

I struggle with how to interpret all the unbelievably wild things that have occurred in my life in the past three years. It’s almost as if time has been passing, but I can’t catch up to it. It’s very frustrating. I’m constantly worried about something. My mind is always somewhere else. I had my feelings from everyone around me, and don’t open up to anyone at all. I just can’t.

One of my biggest pet peeves is when I open up to someone, and they tell me I need to stop dwelling on it, and move on. Who in their right mind would say that? People who haven’t been through what I have…

It breaks my heart when people come over to my house; sit in my dad’s chair, and just cry. I always want to cry with them, but I don’t. I can’t bring myself to let go of my emotions, and let people in. The only person who truly understood me was my dad, and he’s gone. I have no clue how I’m supposed to accept that. I could be in a room with hundreds of people, but I’d still feel alone. Part of my problem is the fact that I have depression, but it doesn’t change the fact that all I want is my daddy, and I would give anything in the whole entire world to get him back.

I miss him.

[karebear]

I personally believe that my dad is also in heaven. I believe he is able to see me and is watching over me. Not like a super spy but rather like a guardian angel. I believe he is in my thoughts when I get discouraged and in my heart always. I think when they die they go to a place of only happiness. It isn't tainted with the bad emotions here on earth. He is always proud of you there, you have his approval and he wants only good things for you. You know what he stood for in life so hopefully you had a chance to learn his values and will live your life in a way that would make him smile and will be good for you.

I too struggle with people trying to get me to get over it and even though it is has not been a year yet for me, there are expectations that we have had enough time to grief and now need to move on, that is crap, absolute crap. We will "get over it" when we are ready not them. Anyone going through this will understand where you are and eventually all those people saying those things will also be in your shoes and will know then just how hard this is.

I think that we have all wanted to be reunited and think now and then about the possibility of suicide but there are a lot of reasons why that is not the answer. One of them is that your dad would never want to be reunited with you because of that. He wants to see you get married, have babies and become a dad yourself. He lives on in you and if you die his memory dies also. I have also known some people that botched suicide and ended up with permanent damage which they had to live with for life. The thing is you are normal, these are normal feelings and yes they are probably made worse through depression but I think depression is part of going through the grief process. We all wish they were here. We all feel alone even in a crowd. We all are disappointed that the world is going on without our loved ones and without us. We are all screaming inside and wonder how we are going to get through this or if it will ever get better. The good thing is that people who eventually come out of this dark tunnel say there is a way out and that it will get better. I can't tell you it will be better tomorrow or next year, but it will get better and one day I believe we will be able to start living again. Sometimes I feel like a zombie, dead on the inside and a mask on the outside. People who see me don't see me, they only see the mask I let them. The thing is that eventually I will let the mask fall, in my time not anyone elses.

Remember always that the time you had with your dad although short was precious and keep the memories alive. Don't let people rush you through your grief but also don't let it take you to a dark place because that is not honoring your dad. Hang in there.

karebear

[AlwaysHisGirl]

Dear Finn, You have presented a lot of very good questions - "Where do people go when they die? Can they see us? Are they happy?" After Mike was killed in a logging accident last September, I read several books about grieving, near death experiences, after death contact, and mediums. (And I am still seeking more books to read. Some of George Anderson's should be very helpful.) I even met with a medium, which was a wonderful, enlightening experience. All of the things I have read, done, and experienced since Mike's death have caused me to create a new reality for myself. I could not live with the belief that Mike no longer exists and I will never see him again. I feel fortunate that I KNOW we each create our own reality. I have always been a positive, spiritual person who is open to new ways of thinking. In my reality Mike does exist, he is with me always, and I will see him again when my time is up. What reality would you like to create for yourself? You need to create one that is positive and you can do that. If you'd like a list of books to read to help you ponder some new ideas and feel better, please let me know and I'll send you a list. Nothing can change until you change your thinking, and change can happen when you take positive ACTION. What are you going to DO to create a beautiful, peaceful place in the world for yourself? What does your new reality look like?

One more thought... You said that you are constantly worrying about something. That your mind is always somewhere else. I highly recommend that you go to your library to get a copy of The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle. That book has been a huge blessing for me over time. It will help you.

Please contact me if you'd like to.

Another good quote: "If you have knowledge, let others light their candles at it." by Margaret Fuller