Loosing my Momma B.

[RedheadedSunshine]

My mother was the type of woman who would have rather taken care of someone than someone taking care of her. At the age of 38 she lost her husband to a massive heart attack, leaving her with four children ranging in age from twenty and in college to her youngest (me) seven and in elementary school. We were just seven days from Christmas when my father passed. Mom had been out that night taking a well deserved night off from mother hood when she came home to find my father passed away in his sleep. From that instant on she knew that the only thing to do was to press on forward, if not for her but for us as her children. As years went by we all pushed ourselves at times wanting to scream and fight back. The good times were the greatest times and the bad times we always tried to find the best.

It was in September of 2010, we were in Orlando for my older brothers wedding. Mom seemed a little off but we thought that she was tired from the long drive from Kentucky to Florida. She tried to shrugg it off as it was a rare point to have all her kids in one place for a short period of time. Mom lived for these occasions, weddings, holidays, and of course babies. The wedding weekend went off perfectly and we all headed back to our homes and my brother and new sister-in-law were off to Italy. A few days later we all would get a call that would change our lives forever....

Mom was in the hospital, the woman that never was sick and hated doctors a patient in a hospital. My step father noticed something unusual going on with her at home. Mom couldn't seem to talk right and was mumbling to herself which led to her sobbing. Unbeknownst to my step father Mom had actually made herself a doctors appointment for that morning luckily. While at the doctors office she told her doctor what had been going on, he immediately ordered her to the hospital in fear that she was having strokes. After preforming test at the hospital it was found she was having tremors due to a tumor on her brain the size of a golf ball. They ordered surgery for the very next day fearing it would cause further damage. Luckily the surgery went off with out a hitch but it was the beginning of a long and scary road, the tumor contained lung cancer cells. As her kids we had been telling her that she should stop smoking for years but Mom did not listen. I guess if you have been doing something for over 40 years it would really be hard to stop.

After the surgery she went in for a series of radiation and chemo treatments, loosing her hair was the hardest thing on her. You would think that the treatments would have taken it from her but she fought like a champ. One weekend when I was home she asked me to shave her head, her hair was starting to fall out and itching her something terrible. As hard as it was on me I agreed to do it afterall she was the woman who gave birth to me. It was the least that I could do for her. It took about an hour to shave her head and really get it smooth. Mom was worried about looking beautiful but it wasn't her hair that made her beautiful it was her spirit and her smile that made her the beautiful strong willed woman that she was. In all actuality she rocked the shaved head look but she opted for wigs and head scarves. During this time I was in the process of planning my wedding to my now husband. Mom kept busy with her crafty ideas and her phone ringing off the hook from me. Deep down I knew she enjoyed helping me, she was in her element of being busy and creating things as she loved doing. My wedding went perfectly and looked beautiful thanks to Mom who designed everything and decorated with the assistance of my aunt. She wanted to surprise me which she did!

Her treatments were going well and the cancer seemed to be staying dormant according to doctors. It was around Christmas of 2011 that she complained of her toe and tail bone hurting, the doctors gave her medicine and told her to take it easy during the holidays. Mom put myself, mysister and two sister-in-laws to work with fixing dinner while she enjoyed her grand kids. She loved having a house full of kids even with the craziness that they bring. A few days later she was back in the hospital again, this time with a stroke. She had went to work that morning and had a stroke in the elevator. Luckily the ladies she worked with were with her and immediately rushed her to the doctor. The stroke came from blood clots in her legs. She complained about her tailbone and foot to the doctors but they were more concerned with her stroke. Mom was put in the ICU for a week and kept improving well. All during this time she just wanted to go home which eventually she did.

Mom went to numerous doctors appointments but nothing seemed to help her tailbone hurting, she made a call to the cancer doctor in late June to go in for a scan. The scan came, and we received the worst news we could ever imagine, the cancer had now returned in her tail bone lymph nodes and various other places. The doctors gave her less than 6 months to live. All during this time Mom was staying positive saying I'm going to beat this and everything will be okay. She believed in miracles and just had to get her strength up to do chemo. That never happened.

Mom came home from the hospital for the last time Friday August 3rd. We called in hospice so she could be at home. Family members were called to tell them to come see her for one last time to say good bye. During her final days we all stopped our lives to take care of her as she took care of us for all those years. Mom passed on August 7th, we layed beside her and said you brought us in to this world and we are going to be here with you as you leave this world.

It was been 6 months since she has passed and I can tell you it has been the longest and hardest 6 months of my life. I knew it would never be easy or think that I would be 25 and missing my mom as I am. I know she is with me every day, but it doesn't make it easy. I go to pick up the phone and call her but have to tell my self no. My mom loved life and I know I must go on as she would want me to. She loved wind chimes and every time I think of her they seem to make beautiful music and I know she is with me.

If any of you have any advice for me I would love to hear it. Thank you for taking the time to read this about my Angel Momma

[BreathofAngel]

(((((((Dearheart))))))),

I grieve with you on the physical loss of your most beloved Mother. Please accept my deepest condolences. It is very difficult to contend with impending tragedy as you have yet you were truly courageous and for that I know your Mother is most grateful. Yet when it concerns a most beloved one, one's Mother, who has passed back into spirit it becomes even harder to bear. Yet in times like these all one can do is embrace the Love that she gave to you for that is something that can never be lost or forgotten as it is yours forever to hold in that very special place in your heart.

Your Mom has returned to Heaven at her appointed time as we all must one day but all is not lost. God is embracing her with His Divine arms of Love thus, she is in the safest and best place of all.

Please know that we are here for you and I personally extend my arms to embrace you and to let you know that you are a very special person and your Mother continues to Love you from above. Never forget that as she is still with you in spirit!

May God bless you always and keep you close to His Divine heart.