Miss you, Daddy

[finn4576]

Hey!

I lost my dad to terminal cancer on thanksgiving 2012! We all knew it was coming, but it didn't make it easy. I'm not myself anymore, and don't think I ever will be. my dad was my best friend, and I don't think ill be able to go on without him. My mother gets on my nerves, and it's tough being controlled by her when I don't have my dad there to help me. I know my dad would want me to be happy but I'm just not. he fought for so long and I hate to think he fought so hard for nothing!! HOW DO I MOVE ON! will I ever feel okay again?

[nopeace]

Hello finnn4576, I read your post and you will feel okay again. With prayer and time things will get better. As far as your Mother getting on your nerves, enjoy every breathing moment you can with your Mother. She loves you dearly. Please know that as well as your dad will help you and be with you always. Be happy and enjoy your life to show your dad he didn't fight for nothing. Hany in there and I will pray for us all.

[karebear]

I can hear the pain and frustration in your post, and believe me when I say that we all know what that is like. Things change forever when someone dies and it is never the same again. I understand your dad died, as did mine last year too and he also fought very hard until the end and still died. I don't think he fought for nothing though, I think he fought for every precious minute we were able to enjoy together. I appreciate his fight and each moment we had was a treasure I will never forget. I felt angry for a long time after my dad died and still I seem to have little to no patience for BS by others. Somehow the grief over my dad's illness and death drained me of my extra reserves of patience I guess. I encourage you to establish boundaries with your mom, but at the same time be there for her. You lost your dad but she lost her lover, her best friend, her partner and her other half. When a spouse dies it can take quite a toll on the survivor and I have seen my own mom age 20 years in the past 8 months. I don't know how long I will have my mom in this life, hopefully for a few years yet, but I do know I promised my dad to care for her and I won't let him down. Think about how your dad would want you to support and be there for your mom and try to establish a new relationship with your mom. It might help to keep communication or visits short to begin with so you don't get to angry and frustrated with her but try to keep in mind what she meant to your dad and that a lot of her behavior is probably from her pain too. I think your dad would want you happy but I think he would understand that happiness doesn't come back right after a major loss. He would want you to try to live but that means going through all of life and not just the happy moments. I don't know how long the pain will be there or when the happiness returns and the tears end but I do know that it will eventually and he will be there with you through the dark times and the happy times ahead. Hang in there.

[savena]

I have lost my dad to suicide and I kow it hurts and I too miss my dad so much. I feel I never will be happy again but I know I will so that gives me hope and assurance.

[Baby Daughter]

I can hear the pain and frustration in your post, and believe me when I say that we all know what that is like. Things change forever when someone dies and it is never the same again. I understand your dad died, as did mine last year too and he also fought very hard until the end and still died. I don't think he fought for nothing though, I think he fought for every precious minute we were able to enjoy together. I appreciate his fight and each moment we had was a treasure I will never forget. I felt angry for a long time after my dad died and still I seem to have little to no patience for BS by others. Somehow the grief over my dad's illness and death drained me of my extra reserves of patience I guess. I encourage you to establish boundaries with your mom, but at the same time be there for her. You lost your dad but she lost her lover, her best friend, her partner and her other half. When a spouse dies it can take quite a toll on the survivor and I have seen my own mom age 20 years in the past 8 months. I don't know how long I will have my mom in this life, hopefully for a few years yet, but I do know I promised my dad to care for her and I won't let him down. Think about how your dad would want you to support and be there for your mom and try to establish a new relationship with your mom. It might help to keep communication or visits short to begin with so you don't get to angry and frustrated with her but try to keep in mind what she meant to your dad and that a lot of her behavior is probably from her pain too. I think your dad would want you happy but I think he would understand that happiness doesn't come back right after a major loss. He would want you to try to live but that means going through all of life and not just the happy moments. I don't know how long the pain will be there or when the happiness returns and the tears end but I do know that it will eventually and he will be there with you through the dark times and the happy times ahead. Hang in there.

Thank you, karebear! This is my first post so please forgive me if I make many mistakes. I lost my dad four months ago, and it seems to hurt worse now than it did. You reminded me that Daddy would want me to "carry on" as before as much as possible. My mom doesn't mean to, but she also pulls me down when we are together. I certainly don't blame her - they were married 63 years. I did not find my soul mate when I married, but I can truly say I got a front row seat for Romeo and Juliet! They were such a sweet, wonderful elderly couple, but with that said, I still need some space on of my own to grieve without feeling guilty. I stayed right with her for almost 3 months afterward. She even slept with me, but she has decided to move back home which is only five minutes away. In addition, I don't treat her like a delicate china doll anymore, BUT that usually old negative emotion called GUILT has a tendency to slip in so thank you. I feel better about the situation. As I reread up post again, I realize I'm coming into the same zone you're in now - emotional wiped out, little patience, my mom is going down also so I have to be careful in that regard. I know it's a normal grieving process, but now I find myself furious with my elderly father for leaving me! Every week it's something different - this week I'm afraid he's going to forget me! So thanks for taking the time to post. It helps to know I'm not alone!