It's been a month...

[Sarie710]

...since the worst day of my families lives!!

Our family lost my father a month ago on January 5. 2013. It still doesn't fully hit home when I say the words outloud. My dad died...passed away I prefer! And now we are all left feeling lost - in a dream/nightmare that we can't wake up from.

I always worried the most about my brother when looking ahead into future. I used to always say god forbid the day that this happens. He was my brothers best friend! Everything my older brother did - he did for him!!

I am the youngest of 4. The two oldest are moved out - didn't really come over too often either. Living at home was my parents, brother and I. The four of us had a great closeness. A great bond! The thing that is difficult - on January 4th my b/f and I closed on our house - after we left the title company I had to rush to the hospital because my dad wasn't doing well. The best day quickly turned to the worst!! So naturally being the baby - my parents were sad I was going to be moving out! NOW - it's even worse! How do I move out now? I worry that her health will decrease due to depression. I'm trying to include her the most that I can but she is so lost. She doesn't know how to be a "me" she says! She met my dad when she was 19 - they were married by the time she was 20 - and a baby on the way at 21. My parents would have been married for 40 years this summer. So she has always been a "we" and now to think of herself as a "me" let alone a widow! She doesn't know what to do with herself! Her life has been deducated and devoted to my dad! About 5 years ago his diabetes started to catch up with him and had to have both legs amputated above the knee - so my mom was his strength - backbone. Essentially she took the place of his legs! You would think it would be too much for her - but she would have done more!!!!!! She is a selfless person!!

I have always thought this to be the reality. There is 16 years different between my parents. My dad was 76. Growing up I always wondered will my dad be here to meet my children - see me get married. The new normal of my life and reality is he will - just not in the way I want him to!!!!

My main concern is trying to help my brother and mom through this the best that I can! While I'm excited about what's the come with my life - I'm not as excited as I was! I'm realizing the milestones I have in life - aren't the same! Not better or worse - just different! As if something is always missing! I know the pain of loss will not go away. People say time heals - which I don't think. I think the time that goes by just forces us to get used to the "new" normal!

[ModKonnie]

Hi Sarie,

I am very sorry about the loss of your father. No matter how old a person is, losing a parent is very painful. As far as your mom, it will take some time, but she will eventually be okay. My parents were married 54 years, and I thought my mom would fall apart. Surprisingly, because she was the backbone, too, she rebounded and is doing quite well.

You are not as excited now with your possibilities in your life but that's because you are grieving. Give it some time, and you will be able to process and feel better.

I prefer to say "passed on," too.

While I miss my dad, the anguish I first felt has passed. I am glad he is no longer suffering, but I do miss him. When I do, I just try to sit still and "hear' him or picture him. It really works for me.

We will be here for you.

ModKonnie

[Sarie710]

Thank you so much for reading my story - it's greatly appreciated! Thinking about him - his jokes and funny behavior helps and hurts at the same time!!!!! Not to me mention thinking about things that you want your dad there for - mainly my wedding day! Again it's something I've thought about - but how can one REALLY face that kind of reality before they are forced to face it??

I've told me mom she needs to do something with her time - volunteer maybe but she is a home body. Right now she doesn't care to do much but my family and I take her out a lot - she is like wow i'm so popular. It's not that she - they weren't - it was just dificult because my dad wasn't mobile for the last 4 years of his life. WHile he did really well getting around - he still felt like a burden from time to time - which we didn't at all!!

The past summer was the best - we got him in the pool!!!!! It was amazing!!!!!!

[Anamika]

I totally understand your feelings. I am so sorry for your loss. Your mom will eventually be okay. As time passes she will start to appreciate the freedom and independence . She will enjoy being able to do things she couldn't before taking care of your dad. She will always miss him and feel heavy about the loss but with time she will be able to find the light at the end of the tunnel.

I lost my father last October unexpectedly. He was only 69 and perfectly healthy and very active. My mom and Jim were married for almost 40 years and had a romantic loving deep relationship. My father did everything for her, he took care of her like she is a child . So my mom is so lost as she has always lived in his shadow. She never worked, never drove herself or shopped on her own in a very long time. He was the pillar of the family. So our situation is very different . It's extremely difficult for my mom to bounce back as she was totally dependent on hum and never did anything without Him. She wil also have to stay alone as we stay across the globe from her.,In your case your brother is there to stay with her so she won't feel so lonely. You also can visit time to time. Your dad has no more sufferings. Your mom will now be able to go out and pursue some of her hobbies or passion. It will get better and she will eventually find the light at the tunnel. Take care dear