sadness of the world

[dsmurph]

I need to ask--- How many people get the most overwhelming sadness from watching or hearing the news on TV or the radio? I left my parents house the other day, after spending the night. My dad watches every single bit of news he can. He knows I don't watch it because it makes me sad, and I am sad enough as it is. I have told him this. But, I was forced to hear all of the depressing, animalistic things going on in our world. I left there and sobbed the whole 2 hours home. i saw a quick caption today about Jon Bonet Ramsey. It instantly made me sad. I hate the behavoirs of this world. I cannot read about or listen to it. It makes me overwhelmingly sad. It has always bothered me, from the time I was very young. But, it is amplified now.

[Mom of Chip]

Hearing the terrible news that shows up on the TV makes me more compassionate for the feelings of the families who are involved. When those children were killed in Connecticut, I understood their family's feelings and cried for them. And when our ambassador and the 3 others were killed in Benghazi, I understood how devastated their families were. I am now affected by so many things that never really affected me before. I have become much more sensitive to other's feelings....

but I would not say that I am overwhelmed, just more understanding.

[JD99501]

So carrying the mountian is not enough? You have to let them know it is simply beyound your ability to deal with no matter how much they enjoy it. On my black ass days I isolate myself a bit. I would be too tempted to grab someone and hurt them. Sometimes they just don't get how bad it is............and it is always that way. Just some day7s are too much.

[dsmurph]

I do understand their pain and pray for them but, I guess my pain is so great right now that it is just too hard for me to watch. But, there is so much negative on the news that I truly don't know if I will ever be able to sit and watch it. The way I see everything is totally different than I did before Emily passed. You are right Surreal, I have told my parents.But, my Dad has a hard time with understanding how deep this pain runs. He seems to think life has just got to go on and we have to forget. My youngest brother died when he was 16. My dad said he had to go to work 3 days later and he just moved on. My mom packed up all his things right away. That was their way of dealing with it. I am glad I deal with it differently because I do not want to ever forget that I gave birth and spent almost 15 years of my life with this wonderful gift. I want to be there for my mom and dad but have found my conversations with them getting shorter and shorter. I know they love me but, they just don't understand the depth of my pain.

[Mom of Chip]

I know what you are saying about your parents...My husband acts the same way. He did stay off work for a week because his boss told him to...but when he went back it was like nothing had changed...He rarely speaks of Chip. I need understanding, but he doesn't seem to have any for me. He skirts any mention I make of Chip. My strength comes from my other son and a little from my daughter....and I have two really good friends who I can talk with, but not face to face...One lives in San Diego and the other in Colorado Springs..our conversations are on the phone, e-mail or messages on FB. I wish my dad was still alive..he would understand and feel my pain.

I would have thought your mom would be the one who could help you thru your pain, but maybe since your dad had 'moved on' so to speak, she has to deal with that, too...She may have so many bottled up feelings that it is difficult for her to know exactly how to comfort you since apparently she did not get much comfort herself when she needed it. She probably understands more than you think she does...

I think we try to comfort ourselves when no one else seems to know how to help us...Like your mom..I more or less packed up Chip's things about 3 weeks after his death...It was healing process for me...I have some of his clothes in his closet, others are stacked on his bed..I organized his CD's and books. Guitars and amps are stacked in his room. I call it the Chip museum...When his brother, sister and daughters come over I always tell them to go into his room and see if there is anything they want to keep. On her last visit my DIL went in his room and saw his glasses setting on a shelf of his bookcase...it was too much for her...She said they were so much a part of him, she just couldn't stand to see them laying there, even though she knew he no longer needed them.

Maybe if you told your mom that now you know how she felt when your brother died...and say something like "How did you get through it?" You might be surprised at what she would say...She may be waiting for you to reach out to her...and don't include your dad in the conversation(I know that sounds cold)..but it might keep your mom from saying what she really feels.

When at their home and your dad is stubborn about turning off the TV or discussing the world news that upsets you..maybe your best action would be to walk out of the room and tell him why...Say something like..."Dad, you should be able to understand what I am going thru...Please show me some understanding..You can turn the TV back on after I've gone home." Maybe you've tried that already....I feel for you. When our families don't understand the road we are traveling, it is hard to know where else to turn.

It took me about 5 months to realize that no one but me can handle this...I have to do it my way. Nobody else feels the same kind of grief that I do..Everyone else's is different...then I found this board...it has been become my salvation.

Keep coming here and pouring out your feelings....Just putting your feelings on this board can be very healing...There is always someone who understands.

I feel that I have healed a little bit just by writing this to you.

Take care of yourself and come here often.

Hugs to you.

[dsmurph]

The one friend who calls me and lets me talk about anyhting without judgement live in Florida. That is what I am coming to understand--- the ones who you think you would be able to count on seem not to be there but, the ones (very few) who you least expect seem to be the ones who end up being there. My mom and Dad are both move on kind of people. They do not like to have deep conversations. I understand, they have always been tht way. I have 5 brother, 1 passed. I think all of them are that way. My husband works out of state. He and I grieve alike. We talk alot on the phone. We try to be there for each other. Like I said, it seems like the support comes where you least expect it. I understand. I don't fully think it is right but, I understand that Our Father will provide it as I need it, and sometimes He doesn't provide it when I think I need it. But, I think maybe at that point I was supposed to work through by myself. Thank you for being there Mom of Chip.