Losing My Mom

[gamomof2girls]

Hi I'm Leigh, 44, from Ga. I have one biological child, who I lost to stillbirth in 2000..our son Will. I also have 2 adopted daughters. I work for my dad. He has a home-based business. I bring the girls to work with me everyday (5 years and 17 months). I would see my mom and my dad every day during the week, and alot on weekends too. My mom passed away on Dec 29th and it has really been devastating. I mentioned my son above because I know my Mom is in Heaven..for those who might have other beliefs, sorry, but it's my beliefs...and I do believe she is with my son...and that does gives comfort. Mom passed from COPD. I know she's not struggling for every single breath any more...and I'm glad she's not suffering...but the pain of her loss is just to much to bear. Mom went into complete respiratory arrest in 1992, they told us she had 10 years to live, if we were lucky. She gave us 20....and I feel like, what more could I ask? She was there for me when we lost Will, there for me when we adopted both our girls, there for me during my diagnosis and through the first years of my illness (I have a rare genetic primary immune disorder--CVID...I have to get an iv every 2 weeks to give me antibodies that my body no longer makes to try to give me an immune system. ...it's genetic, I have a first cousin with it as well) I mean, what more could I ask of her??? Yet I can't stop crying, I cant' stop thinking about her, I can't stop wishing it's all a bad dream and I"m going to wake up out of it. I didn't think anything could hurt as much as losing my son did...this does. I still expect her to be here every morning when me and the girls get here...to see her sitting up in bed, drinking her hot tea, taking her medicine and see a huge smile break out over her face and she says there's my joy...there's my babies. I'm just struggling so much.

[Anamika]

I am so sorry for your loss. It will get better with time. How old was your mom? My father died last yeAr and its devastating. The docs said he had copd, we had no idea . He never had any symptoms and he was quite young and very healthy. Was your mom been able to do things by hersf? Was copd really bad? People tell me that he did not suffer and be would have had a painful death as he had copd. I do not know if copd patients necessarily struggle. It's all so new to me. Things will get better with tome. Hang on to your kids Nd dad for support. I am glad you had her until you are 44. I am much younger. But that does not lessen the pain. The grief is the same. But stat positive about the time you had with her, it Loooks like you are. May god bless.

[gamomof2girls]

Hi Anamika...thank you for your response. Yes COPD is horrible. She lived with it for 20 years. She was on oxygen 24/7 for the last 4 years. She could just get up to go to the restroom, take 2 steps, lose her breath and we're fighting to keep her with us. Dad got really good about helping her when these episodes would happen. Quickly give her 2 xanax (because she would panic because she couldn't breathe) grab her nebulizer that was attached to the big o2 tank (because you could turn it up and get it in her quicker), get a wet rag and wipe her down to cool her off. She would get hot and it would make her panic more, she would feel smothered...turn on the ceiling fan. She was hospitalized 8 times from July to December. We called 911 more times than that during that time frame. By the time they got here, Dad had her stabilized. It was a horrible illness to watch her live through. Dad had just gotten her a scooter, and that's the only way she could go anywhere the last 2 months. She was only 68 years old.

I know how lucky I am to have had her as long as I did and to have had the close relationship I had with her. She was my best friend, well, she and my husband were my 2 best friends :-) ......and I know she's not suffering any more, and like I said, I'm not new to grief. Losing my son the day before my due date, being forced to go through labor know he was gone, it was a horrific experience.

I live for my husband and girls...and dad. He's struggling so much. They just celebrated their 50th wedding anniversary this July....he's so lost without her...we all are...thank you again for your sweet words..and I'm so very sorry for your loss as well

[Anamika]

Dear I am so sorry to hear all the sufferings your mom had to go through. It sounds awful. In a way she is at peace now. No more suffering. Your dad is also growing d and might soon be I able to take care of her like he could now. In a way he could do everything g to help her and see her off. While be was still healthy . I am so sorry for your losses. Life is not easy. I lost my perfectly healthy and young dad all on a sudden and my mother is devastated. They mAde a greAt couple, in deep love. I am not new to grief either. I have lost both my grand parents whom I was very close to, my uncle, my cousin all within last 5-7 years. I have also had multiple miscarriages though early. Life still goes on. I am sorry to hear you lost your son on delivery. That's horrific.

All my friends have their healthy patents and a home to go to. Sometimes I feel life is so unfair. But then I should not overlook my blessi gs.

Don't know how I will move on without my previous dad and seeing my mom so lost and in pain. I will have to.

Take care dear. It will get better.