Music video of song I wrote about my Dad--about healing after loss

[makaha99]

Not everyone is close to his or her father. But for me, I was very close to my Dad. It's going on 4 years since he died, and I still think of him every day.

I took care of my Dad for 2 1/2 years. My Dad had a double whammy of a stroke plus Dementia. He had a stroke in July 2004. When he came out of rehab, the plans were that he was going into a nursing home, because my Mom could not take care of him by herself with her osteoathritis, and my older sister and my Mom do not get along well so my sister was not going to do it. At the time, I didn't want him to go to a nursing home, so I decided to quit my job and take care of him 24/7, with my Mom compensating me with some of her and my Dad's pension and social security. But of course, I didn't do it for the money, and was given less than what I was making before. And my wife was against it, but went along with my wishes.

As some of you know, being a caregiver for a disabled person 24/7 with no vacation, no weekends off or anything, is extremely exhausting, and I learned on the job, giving him a bath, taking him to the bathroom, etc. His mind wasn't there all the time, but he was still fairly mobile. At any rate, about 2 1/2 years later, in May 2007, he fell out of his bed and broke his hip, and my Mom and I decided that because he became even weaker after his hip surgery, it was best for him to go into a nursing home where he lived for another two years. Towards the end, he was having problems swallowing when he was eating (his health directives said no tube feeding so that was out of the question) and was getting repeated upper respiratory infections because of food particles/liquid going into his lungs, and he was going to the hospital several times because of those infections, and so ultimately my Mom and sister made the decision to put him in Hospice, where he was for about a week before he died. I didn't want him to go, but that was not up to me.

Anyway, I'm also a songwriter, and about a year after my Dad died, I wrote a song about him and made a music video for the song. It's a song about healing and moving on, so maybe some of you may find the song helpful, in some small way. Last year, I sent this music video to one of the people I met at St. Francis hospice here in Honolulu, and she asked me if she could use the video for her grief support meetings for people who have suffered a loss, and it seems some people have found this video comforting.

Here's the link on YouTube:

For me, writing the song was therapeutic and helped me heal. I also posted the lyrics below the video on YouTube, if you click on the expand/see more under the video description, you'll see the lyrics.

[ModKonnie]

Makaha,

I am very sorry about the loss of your father. Your video is amazing. I took care of my father during his last few months of life, and while it was extremely hard to do, I wouldn't have wanted it any other way. My father has been gone for three years, and there are times when I just wish I could reach out and touch him.

We will be here for you,

ModKonnie

[jlea79]

Sorry for the loss of your Father. Thank you for posting this truly amazing music video. What a great way to pay respect to your Father. I can certainly see how this song would be comforting for anyone dealing with this kind of a loss.

[makaha99]

This is another song I wrote about my Dad. Maybe I write tooooooo many songs about him, but he was such a huge influence in my life, and now almost 4 years since he passed away, I still think of him every day.

Anyway, I started writing this song about a month or so after my Dad died, but I put it aside and left it unfinished until recently, when I decided to finish it. But the passage of time has helped me move along with my life, although I still miss him after all this time, so I had to look at the feelings that I wrote down on a piece of paper soon after I lost him, just so I could finish this song.

Also, I added photos of my Dad in this video as a way to keep him alive even after I'm gone, so it's kinda cool to think of it that way.

To help with the loss of someone you love, you might try writing down your feelings in a diary. Writing songs was therapeutic for me, which was basically writing my feelings down on paper.

By the way, on YouTube I use a pseudonym. Just like Bruno Mars, Lady Gaga, and Kid Rock are not their real names. My real name is at the beginning of the video along with my pseudonym.

When I wrote this song and the song in the original post, I didn't think they linked together at the time. But now when I look at them. This video ("You Never Told Me") and the first video in the original post ("You Were There All This Time" go hand in hand. This video is about fresh loss whereas the other video is about healing and moving on, and in fact, on YouTube I put an annotation link at the end of this video that links to the other video ("You Were There All This Time")

(On a side note: It's kinda strange how the posts and replies are inverted on this forum. My first original post is on the bottom of the page, and the latest posts are on the top)

Here's the link to the video called "You Never Told Me":

[makaha99]

I have another song that I wrote about my Dad, although for this particular song, I changed around the story so that it's about the loss of a mother instead of a father, because I had been writing tooooooo many songs about my Dad. I started writing this song about a month after my Dad died, so the feelings of loss were still pretty strong.

The song is called "I don't wanna say goodbye"

[makaha99]

I just recently uploaded another song I wrote about my Dad. I wrote it about what I saw when he was in a nursing home for 2 years. I took care of my Dad for 2 1/2 years, but after he fell out of his bed and broke his hip, both my Mom and I thought it would be best for everyone that he went into a nursing home after his PT/rehab, because he would be even weaker after his recovery.

The nursing home staff was very good with my Dad, but it was still sad to see his decline, especially mentally with his dementia.

Anyway, here's the song I wrote about him:

[bethypooh]

AMAZING,thats all i wanna say *tears*

[makaha99]

Here's another song that I wrote about my Dad titled "Where You'd Be Today"

I actually wrote it before the song two posts below ("I'll See You In My Dreams") and I took one line from "Where You'd Be Today" and I put it in "I'll See You In My Dreams" and then I was going to abandon this song for the newer song, but some people have liked this song better actually.

Here's the link:

http://www.broadjam.com/player/player.php?play_file=5366_602349

Sometimes I wonder if I write toooo many songs about my Dad, but I guess it just proves how huge an influence he was in my life.

[makaha99]

Here's a music video of a song that I wrote that I had set to private on YouTube for a long time, that I just made more accesible by the embedded video below. It's the female version of the song I had posted a few posts down in this thread:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PeN3P46jhF8

Also, since it's Father's Day coming up on Sunday, I thought I'd post this video in honor of Father's Day (and my beloved Dad):

[makaha99]

Well, after I said I wasn't going to write any more songs about my Dad, I wrote another song about him and I just uploaded the song/video.  I guess he was just such a huge influence in my life, that I had to say more  Well here's the music video, it's called "Beautiful to Me":

 

[Trish91]

Really lovely songs Makaha, I cried through them. Congratulations and thank you for sharing!

[makaha99]

Really lovely songs Makaha, I cried through them. Congratulations and thank you for sharing!

 

You're welcome.

When I look at the songs in this thread put together, it kinda follows my personal journey of grief, and even though I wrote it from personal experience, most people seem to relate to the songs quite well.  "You Never Told Me" and "I'll See you in My dreams" were written soon after my father's death.  "You Were there all This Time" about 1 year later.  And "Beautiful To Me" I just wrote recently.

[makaha99]

This was the very first song that I wrote about my Dad--I uploaded this a few weeks ago:

 

I think I'll post all the songs about my Dad in order that I wrote the songs.  If you follow the progression, the songs start with immediate grief and loss, then after some time, healing and acceptance, and then finally, reflection.  I didn't write them with that intention, but when looking at them back to back, it's really about the journey through grief.

 

So starting with the song above which was written first, then come the following songs in chronological order:

 

 

then:

 

and:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j7-p3XcHWc4

 

and finally:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mpchHA0sRlg 

 

Hmmm.  I think there might be a limit to how many embedded video watch thingys that can be in a post, that's why only two videos are embedded above.  Oh well, you can still click on the three links on the bottom to get to the music videos.

[cindyjane]

Hi Makaha

 

I listened to every song that you posted here and can't tell you how touched I am.  Although I cried while listening, I found the tears to be very healing.  I imagine in writing and singing them, the songs are healing for you too.  Thanks so much for sharing them.  One of the reasons I am so moved is because my mom passed on this past October and my dad came to live with me after her death.  He is 85 and he does need some help but given his health conditions he is managing quite well.  In reading your story and listening to your songs it has lifted some of the frustrations that a care-giver can have.  Your songs also have me feeling so grateful to have my dad here with me.  Since my mom's passing, he has taught me that it is normal that I miss my mom so much but that life for me has to go on.  He said that we don't get over it but that we get on with it.  Thanks again, much appreciated.

Cindy

[makaha99]

Hi Makaha

 

I listened to every song that you posted here and can't tell you how touched I am.  Although I cried while listening, I found the tears to be very healing.  I imagine in writing and singing them, the songs are healing for you too.  Thanks so much for sharing them.  One of the reasons I am so moved is because my mom passed on this past October and my dad came to live with me after her death.  He is 85 and he does need some help but given his health conditions he is managing quite well.  In reading your story and listening to your songs it has lifted some of the frustrations that a care-giver can have.  Your songs also have me feeling so grateful to have my dad here with me.  Since my mom's passing, he has taught me that it is normal that I miss my mom so much but that life for me has to go on.  He said that we don't get over it but that we get on with it.  Thanks again, much appreciated.

Cindy

 

You're welcome!!  I'm glad my music videos could affect you positively.

Yes, writing the songs were indeed therapeutic for me.

But I guess I wrote the lyrics in general enough terms that other people seem to relate to my lyrics too.  I'm sorry about your Mom.  I love what your Dad said: "we don't get over it but that we get on with it"