unexpected loss of my father..on bad terms.

[mrs.nelson10]

I lost my father on october 14 2012. My grandmother passed away september 18, 2012. Same side of the family. I had not spoke to either 1 in 4 years. I really wanted to but because of my sister i did not do it. She told me they hated me wanted nothing to do with me my children or my husband. After their passing, i found out this was not true. In fact it was the exact opposite. They had asked about me on SEVERAL occasions and my sister told them i hated them and wanted nothing to do with them which was also a lie. I had asked several times how everyone was. I did not call them because i had no reason to believe she was lying and i did not want to start problems. Now im kicking myself for NOT calling. Because of her, i was not on good terms with my father. I never got to tell him i loved him, or let him see his grand daughter or let him know i was pregnant again or even to tell him i was proud of him for straightening out his life and getting off drugs. I dont know how to deal with this still. Im bottling it all up and avoiding the situation. My husband had to pack up the stuff of my dads that i got when we moved because looking at it brings me to tears. I cant even bring myself to hang up pictures. How long does it take to be able to cope? I feel like its harder because of my sisters lies.

[mrs.nelson10]

He passed away at home because of a massive heart attack. His body was found at 4 am by his friend who was staying there. His heart was 3x normal size and an autopsy had to be performed because everyone that was there that night had a different story and one person changed his story several times. And 6 people were seen running out of the house at 345 that morning. 15 minutes before they found him dead.

[kaycee42]

I am so sorry for your loss and the circumstances really do not have any advice but wants to send hugs and prayers to you

[mrs.nelson10]

Thank you

[karebear]

I too am sorry about your loss. It is hard enough to deal with the death of a father and grandfather but then to have to do it so close together understand your circumstances must be devestating. I lost my own dad in this past year but the circumstances were much different.

It sounds like you have a lot of loose ends besides dealing with your grief, like figuring out exactly what happened, why he died, coping with your sister's deception etc. I am so sorry that you are burdened with all of these things on top of grieving as grieving itself can seem overwhelming.

I am glad to hear you have a supportive husband who loves you and is helping you, it is important to have those we love and trust support us through this time. I don't think anyone here can tell you how long it is going to take to cope with this situation because everyone here has to go through grief in their own way and own time. There is no right or wrong way to grieve, or feel about those who have left us behind. We all struggle with feelings of anger, guilt, regret, strong emotions that we have to work through in our own way and time. I do want to echo that we are here for you if you need to talk and will do our best to listen and offer a supportive shoulder so to speak whenever you need it.

Hang in there.

Your friend

Karebear