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hope1315

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I lost my father on March 1st of this year. The last 3 years, though, he had been sick. The first year (when I was in 5th grade) he was in the hospital. Then, he was able to come home where he was cared for by my mother and an accumulation of nurses. Now, 3 years later, I am in 8th grade. On Febuary 29th, I returned home from the opening night of my school play only to discover that my dad was really sick. Before I went to sleep, he seemed to be doing better, so I was not concerned. I was woken up by mom at around 7 o'clock in the morning. She informed that dad had died. I was instantly numb and I didn't know what to think. As an only child, I realized that it was now just my mom and me. A few days later, at the funeral, some of my school friends were there to support me. I cried histerically the whole time. I can't watch movies anymore without crying. The shock is still wearing off, but I feel like I need to talk to SOMEONE who isn't related to me, or who isn't a counselor that will tell me that I should move on.

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stephysteph13

Hope1315,

I just want you to know I understand. I lost my mom, and Im 17 it happened when I was 16. I know im older than you but only four years. It has been a tough tough situation, and moving on is something that is hard to do. I dont want to sugar coat things.. losing a parent is extremely hard and you will get through it but some days will require more pushing through than others. I still struggle and its been almost 2 years. its tough... everything you go throuhg you will wish your dad was there.. its tough to know he wont be there, you just cant give up. we both have to live for our parents because thats what they would want.and my mom and your dad are together in heaven looking down on us beautiful children. stick in there sweetie! im always here if u need to talk.

Steph

 

 

[user=19704]hope1315[/user] wrote:

I lost my father on March 1st of this year. The last 3 years, though, he had been sick. The first year (when I was in 5th grade) he was in the hospital. Then, he was able to come home where he was cared for by my mother and an accumulation of nurses. Now, 3 years later, I am in 8th grade. On Febuary 29th, I returned home from the opening night of my school play only to discover that my dad was really sick. Before I went to sleep, he seemed to be doing better, so I was not concerned. I was woken up by mom at around 7 o'clock in the morning. She informed that dad had died. I was instantly numb and I didn't know what to think. As an only child, I realized that it was now just my mom and me. A few days later, at the funeral, some of my school friends were there to support me. I cried histerically the whole time. I can't watch movies anymore without crying. The shock is still wearing off, but I feel like I need to talk to SOMEONE who isn't related to me, or who isn't a counselor that will tell me that I should move on.

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Hope,

I lost a son last July and I want you to know that it is not time for you yet to just move on.  Feb 29 is so recent.  The first month after my son died I was just starting to really feel the pain of losing him.  Please give yourself permission to cry, to scream and yell, to be angry or hurt or sad.  It hurts so bad to lose someone you love so much.  You don't have to "be strong" for your Mom.  Let her know you hurt and miss your Dad.  Cry with her if you feel like it.  I am a little over 8 months out from my son's death and I still cry most days even for just a minute or two because I miss him so much.  It is ok and normal to mourn.  Some people don't cry and some do.  I find I do ok for a little while and then I crash again with another "wave" of sadness.  Please take care of yourself.  When you feel like you are going to explode with anger or sadness or longing for him to be here with you, find a way to get it out.  I used to write poems on my computer when I couldn't sleep at night as a way to release all the thoughts swirling around in my head.  Crying is also a good release.  Find someone to support you who will care about you.  This doesn't get better in a month.  You will learn to live with the hole in your life, but it takes time to adapt. 

Hugs,

Sal

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hi, I know how you feel... I have a hard time with tv because I'm afraid somthing will remind me of my mom. MY mom died in february 2008 from cancer and its so hard. I'm still trying to heal, but it will be ok. I know, easier said then done, but we have to make our parents proud and I'm sure your lovely dad would want you to be happy. Its ok to be upset, in fact its healthy to cry, don't ever feel like you can't or why am I always sad. its ok your going through somthing so so so hard. It will take time. My heart goes out to you I really do feel your pain.

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The thing that I worry about is, other than movies and TV, I haven't been crying that much. Once in a while, if I hear a song or something, but I really haven't been. I can;t say I've been myself, but I just haven't been the dictionary definition of "grieving" or "sad". I'm so afraid that by not being sad, there's something wrong with me. If I'm not crying all the time, and if I'm not sad all the time, does that make me a heartless person???

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theres nothing wrong with you, we all go through this in our own way. we never received directions on how to grieve and whats the right way. we just take it one day at a time. don't dought yourself or try to do this the way everyone thinks you should go through this. I really believe your doing the best you can and thats all we can do.

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I feel a bit lost at the moment. I've just been to a 'Healing from Loss', (can't remember the actual title) service in Church and it was about letting go.  I feel quite weird, i wanted to pray for my mum and dad (lost dad 15 years ago this July and mum 4 years ago March just gone) and I wasn't prepared for the letting go bit.  I felt anxious about doing it.  I've got conflicting feelings about both parents as we had different relationships.

I think I can let go of my dad a bit more with the hope he understands that.  I panicked about letting go of my mother and although I think I have, i'm still denying it a lot cos I'm not ready to let go.  But maybe I can in small pieces.  I was closer to my mum than I was to my dad, but what they did for me in terms of during illness and stress in court plus other things, I have a lot of conflicting feelings.

Sue 

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