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group support


dsmurph

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I went to a support group meeting lastnight by accident. My daughter started her first group lastnight. As I was walking her in someone asked if I was going to go to the adult group at the same time. I was reluctant because I had not mentally and emotionally prepared myself for it. But I went. I think it was a good thing that I did go. I really didn't say much, couldn't even say how Emily specifically died. I just said sudden death. I felt like if I said anymore I would overflow with tears that probably would not stop. But I did listen.I learned that everything I am going through is normal for someone who suffered a loss. I heard 1 story that was very-very much so similar to mine. So, as we were going to get our children I opened up to her. As I said before although I don't wish this on anyone I do find some comfort that there are others who understand. I pray that one day Our Father opens my heart and uses me to help people, with understanding and patience. I read a book to my daughter the other day called," Tear Soup." It is about grief. It is for children, but I think it is just as much for adults. Anyway, the author says," The object of grieving is not to get over the loss or recover from the loss but to get through the loss." Such a true statement. That is how I feel everyday. Let me get through this day. I miss Emily so much that I can hardly stand it at times. But I know it is a matter of getting through it.

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The local hospic throws a forget me not meeting here in Anchorage, Ak I went like religion. It was veryimportant to me. If it wasn't for them and the buddhist temple I would have been long dead. I went to hospic and the temple daily. Most of the time staying all day. I was defenatly not safe to be alone.

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For a while now I have considered myself of no religion., just trying to serve our Father every day, trying to treat others the way HE would want me to, trying to treat my body and spirit right. I am open to learning anything from HIm that I can, whether it be from one religion or the next. Since Emily's passing I have learned so much more about the spiritual side of life and in me. I rely heavily on His guidance in my life and go to hospice too. I thought I was a good person before Emily passed but, realise now that I have so much growing to do. I really want to be kinder and more loving to others. I really want to grow spiritually. I feel it in every fiber of my being. How could He bring me to this place and I not grow from it? Bitterness is no option. Emily would not have wanted that.

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I've been involved in the church all my life and have experienced many deaths in the family. When my Dad died, I thought that was bad, but Chip's death has been the worst. Nothing compares. In the nearly six months since his passing, I have found myself to be more receptive to the minister's message on Sunday morning and the spiritual life. Every service points something out to me that I have been missing all these years. I think losing a child puts us in a place that makes us WANT to know more about our spiritual side. We need to know that our child is not gone forever..that they are still with us and still celebrate and cry with us as we go thru life.

After Chip was diagnosed with cancer, he became very spiritual and read many books about life after death. He told me that he hoped his illness and death brought our family closer together and that we realized how important it is to enjoy each other. He knew that we would have a difficult time, and he told his brother that he knew that I would be hardest hit..and that has been so true. We all have seen signs that he is still with us and trying to help us thru this.

Everyone in our family thought Chip would always be there. He was very healthy, never sick. His cancer was a big blow to us. His brother and sister were in a state of shock; I think they still are although they keep saying they are fine. It suddenly hit them that when their dad and I pass, Chip would not be there to be part of their group hug to console each other. It has put a big hole their whole being that can never be repaired.

I have been planning to go to a meeting of Compassionate Friends but haven't gotten up the courage yet, but I think our whole family needs to find an outlet for our grief...especially my son who lives 3 hours away from family. He has no one around him who knew Chip...no one to understand his feelings when he talks about his brother.

Well, I have sort of gone off topic..but thank you for starting this thread. Your experience gives me more hope that joining a group will help me heal..Just being part of this forum has given me strength.

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Thank you Mom of chip. We all need to reach out to each other. Learn and grow from each other. To me that is the true meaning of serving our Father and showing love to each other. Blessings

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