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new and just lost my mom


jasmine.gwen

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jasmine.gwen

My name is Jasmine and I'm new here. I just lost my mom 1 month ago, on December 7th. It was sudden considering she was only 46 years old (my mom was a teen mom...she had my older brother at age 16, my twin sister and I at age 20, and my younger sister at 22). She wasn't in the best of heath, but she was stable with her chronic conditons. We don't know how she passed, just that my step dad came home from work and she was sleeping but Alive (she was snoring). An hour later, he went to wake my mother and she wasn't breathing. She was rushed to her local hospital after CPR wasn't working. She couldn't breathe on her own. About an hour after arriving at the hospital and the doctors trying to revive her, it wasn't enough. She was gone. The phone calls I received from my step dad still haunt me. The first one was that she was in the hospital and that he was afraid she was going to die. While my mom had been in the er before, I was accustomed to these phone calls about an er trip....but not like this. My step dad is not an alarmist by any definition so I knew this was serious. My first reaction was to tell my husband that we needed to go now since my mother lived about 2 1/2 hours away in gettysburg while I'm in Philly. I couldn't even gather my thoughts...then my phone rang again....my step dad....I knew it. She was gone. My 46 year old mother was gone...my reaction still haunts me because it was similarto her own reaction when she lost her sister in 2004. Having to call my brothers and sisters with the earth shattering news was awful. We were born and raised in Philly, but only my twin and I still live here. My other sibs live in the carolinas, which only made it worse. We are still waiting on a COD due to pending studies.

While I know coping with the loss of a parent is no easy task, I just wish this process would be easier. Aside from her death, this should be the happiest time of my life. I'm newly married to my best friend and have so many things to be grateful for...but....some days I just can't shake it. Im taking proper measures for myself and am in therapy since I have major depressive disorder and anxiety/panic disorders and can't afford to fall into a prolonged depressive state. My mom was my world...much more than I realized. Our relationship wasn't always great, but that never made me love her less. Despite the fact that I have my brothers and sisters going through the same process, I just still don't know how to deal. I mean, I can function...I go to work everyday, working as a medical assistant in a very busy internal medicine practice....but still feel like I can't always get a grip. I'm usually "the strong one" in my family and now I literally feel lost. Not quite sure what I will gain from sharing my story....just trying to experiment down a different avenue of grief management. Thank you for reading and hope we all can find the peace we need in losing our parents.

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Hey Jasmine,

I'm very sorry for your loss. My father passed on November 4th and it's been a struggle ever since. I have no words of encouragement that are going to help much. Just lean on your partner and try to go on. You have to grieve on your own timetable and your own way. It's going to be hard, we're all here because we have a common bond, as horrible as it may be. I didn't know why I came here at first but posting here and reading other people's stories has at least shown me I am not alone. My feelings aren't alien and I am not crazy. You aren't alone either. I wish you the best.

Robb

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ForeverRemembered

Jasmine, I just saw your message on my email (we have such similar stories) and I wanted to write a quick note to you. I am so sorry for your loss. I also work in the medical field. I lost my 66 year old mom on September 11, 2012. I was also accustomed to those ER phone calls from my father. My mom had difficulty breathing before she passed away. You seem to have a good hold on your emotions right now. There may be days when you feel you are losing this grip. On those days, don't hesitate to come here and write it all out. If you have any questions or just want to confirm what you are feeling is normal....don't hesitate to ask. There are so many people on this site, in different stages of the grieving process. Just having someone tell me that they had also felt the emotions that I was feeling, have made a big difference helping me get through the death of my mom. Take care. Stay strong and just know that you are not alone. Hugs!

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Hi Jasmine,

I'm so sorry for your loss. I lost my dad on Dec 12, 2012. He had a terminal illness and I knew the end was coming, but when it finally came, it shook me to my core. I can't imagine how it would be to have such a sudden loss, I'm so sorry. Draw strength from your partner and when it seems like it's all falling apart, don't be afraid to talk about it. Grieving's a process and takes time, and you need to do what works for you. Know you've got support, whether it's from your family or this site. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

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Thanks so much for the kind words, advice, and condolences. I'm glad I joined this group....it helps to talk to and hear from people who unfortunately understand this pain. Much love and gratitude to you all

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chandralynn2012

Hi Jasmine,

I lost my mom February 24, 2012 at 6:30am..My mom was 60 years old when she passed. She had been sick for awhile, in and out of nursing homes. Like you, I was no stranger to hearing that my mom was in the hospital or having one health problem or another. The day before she died, I spent all day with her. She had been very sick, more than usual. Her breathing was very heavy, her skin was yellow, and she was extremely confused. Mom demanded all day that someone take her to the hospital, but because she was on hospice this wasn't pushed. Hospice came in to evaluate and told me that Mom wasn't actively dieing and that we still had time. Before I left that afternoon, I handed Mom a glass of water, her tv remote, gave her a kiss and a hug, and told her I loved her and would see her in the morning. She smiled at me and told me she loved me too. I made plans to come back and sit with her the next day. Early the next morning, (6:15AM) my phone rang. It was the hospital informing me that my mom had been admitted overnight for distressed breathing. The nurse told me she didn't know how much longer Mom had. After just hearing the hospice nurse tell me that Mom wasn't on her deathbed yet, I kind of took what she said with a grain of salt and started getting around for the morning. I got into the shower, and just as I was drying off, my phone rang again. It was the hospital, and the same nurse that had just talked to me. I will never forget what she said "This is April, I just talked to you about your mom a little bit ago?" I said yes, thinking she was going to tell me Mom had calmed down and was doing fine. "She just passed a little bit ago.." When people use the phrase "My whole world stopped." before this minute I never really understood what they meant. At first, I couldn't talk at all. The very first words out of my mouth? "Are you serious??" I honestly thought the nurse was kidding with me. My rational mind told me that medical professionals don't do that, but the part of my mind that took over at that point told me that there was no possible way that my mom was dead, and this woman had to be joking. The next thought that came to my mind? She was going to tell me they made a mistake and had the wrong person. The rest of the day for me was one giant blur. The first couple weeks were unbearable for me, and the first couple months were pretty tough. I'll be coming up on one year at the end of next month. Just know that the pain never goes away, but it does get easier to handle. Like others have said, lean on those in your life who are still able to stand- you cannot do this alone. I am so sorry for your loss..hang on, things WILL get better.

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Hi chandralynn,

Thanks for sharing your story. I, like you, was hoping it couldn't be true. I kept yelling at my step dad to tell me that it wasn't real.... that he was mistaken. I even made my husband call him back to make sure it was real. I just remember screaming repetitively as loud as I could because it was the only thing that made sense to do. Even though she drove me crazy she was my 1st best friend and biggest cheerleader. She taught me everything I know on how to be a good human being, loyal sister, good friend and listener, and a loving wife. I hate that she will never be able to physically hold any child I have in the future. She loved being a mom and being a surrogate mom to all of our friends. She couldn't wait to be a grandmother.... even asked me if she would have a grandchild on the way only hours after I got home from my honeymoon. She was silly and wonderful and wasn't ashamed to be who she was. She was not your typical mom by no means and I LOVED AND THANK HER FOR THAT. she was funny as hell. I know I just went on a ramble here.... thanks for listening. RIP JANNINE S. LUCINI...OCT. 22, 1966-DEC. 7, 2012.

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