death and time

[dizzydancingway]

Its been a year and a half since my mom died and I seem to have moved passed the phase where people in my life (other than family, of course) recognize the grief. I guess I can't expect others to understand, but I'm starting to feel like my pain is less valid, or less socially acceptable, and I'm burying it inside. I was very open and honest about my mourning during the first 6 months after her death, and I've slowly started to feel the need to swallow it. I'm less and less motivated to hang out with friends or do things on the weekend. I'm experiencing crying spells when I'm alone and, other than some brief conversations with my boyfriend, I don't express any of this turmoil.

Please tell me, how have you guys dealt with the mourning process over time? In the beginning, while heartbroken, I found it fairly easy to talk about everything. But a year and a half later, I don't feel that way at all.

[RobbG]

It's only been two months and I am already feeling that way. Like everyone else's world has continued spinning but mine is stuck. I don't want to talk to people who call or go hang out and watch a movie. I just want to be alone and people are asking if I'm ever going to go and live my life. Saying dumb things like "you still are alive" or "you didn't die that day". Part of me did, maybe over time that part will come back but it's going to be on my timetable, not someone else's.

[stillfighting431]

I know what you mean. It’s been a year and a half for me too since my mom died. I feel that no one understands my pain either, except for my family & a few close friends. Everyone else just starts to compare their own loss of a distant relative with mine & tell me that it's the same for everyone. We all lose some one & move on .You should too. This was only a month after her death. God only knows what they'd say if I ever told them how much I still hurt everyday even now. I too've stopped discussing my pain with anyone. I can see annoyance, irritability, disapproval & in some cases even some sadistic pleasure in their faces to see me in pain. I have to control my emotions when I'm out of the house & with other people. It’s very hard. I used to enjoy going out but now it seems like a chore. I’m so relieved when I'm back home. I feel like I don't have to lie or pretend anymore. I too have crying spells often. I miss mom every minute of everyday. I just have gotten used to living with the pain now. I know it's become a permanent part of me. So I guess the answer to your question would be that we learn to live with the pain but it doesn't really go away. We also learn to keep our grief to our selves because others don't want to be a part of it anymore. They want to forget & move on. But we're stuck & need time to do so.