Members Anusia Posted December 27, 2012 Members Report Share Posted December 27, 2012 Why am I writing this?My pain is unbearable,and I am afraid that soon I will alienate all my friends by my sadness. despondence,grief. I who am used to be relied upon-feel like a bawl of needines.Here is my story: 3 month ago,totally unexpectedly,my sister at age 67 (but looked 40) 6 sister,my only sibling ,who I could not imagine not having around, died unexpectdly in my arms.She asked me to fly from USA to our home country to accompany her to dr's appointments. She complained of pain in her legs and arms, fell twice on the street. DId nit trust anyone else to go with her. I arrived with potions,lotions,vitamins she asked me to bring. She was taken to a hospital a day before my arrival. Her situation deteriorated rapidly.She was put on a respirator,then taken off. She recognized me,was so happy to see me,thanked me for massaging her,doing her nails,combing her her.But within two days developed acute pain,brain waves deterirated.... Turned our undiagnosed cancer spread quickly to brain,spine and bones. I spent the 7 days hoping against all odds that she will pull through. To hear her scream in pain despite all the morfine was excruciating.Drs gave little hope. 7 days I did not leave her bedside , slipping into her bed at night to hold her gently.She died in my arms,aug 31. I have never experienced such pure love,and I have never missed anyone as badly as i miss her.And no morfine for me.New Year is coming ,which is also my b'day-The first one she won't call to sing me "Happy B'day". in three languages. I have an urge to call her,consult her ,resurrect her -and none of it possible ,The other day I cried and cried and the fear that lodged itself in my chest -dissolved,but now I feel like crying all the time. I have to force myself to attend to what needs needs to be done-a desire to isolate and sleep away days has taken hold of me. O fear I won't drag myself out of this. So I a forcing myself to keep up with my yoga practice,call friends ,go out ---but underneath everything is shaking with pain.Please do not die..as if she is not dead.Two month ago a friend(a friend?) asked: have you recovered?He went through an operaration,and felt he recovered. And so should I,and go about life. But am more like an amputee . I am surprized when I meet people who do not know about my loss,that is is not visible to their eyes. Can't they see I lost my sister, Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ModKonnie Posted December 28, 2012 Members Report Share Posted December 28, 2012 Anusia,I am so very sorry about your loss of your sister. Some people don't understand the grieving process, they try to "force" others to feel better because grieving makes them uncomfortable., But you've come to a community where we allow people to grieve and heal on their own time, in their own way with our support and encouragement. I am glad you are trying to do something routine (like your yoga). Have you considered grief counseling or group counseling? It may help., You will drag yourself out of this--it's just going to take some time. We will be here for you,ModKonnie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Anusia Posted December 28, 2012 Author Members Report Share Posted December 28, 2012 Yiur heartfelt words released a torrent of tears. Seems everytime I experience heart felt concern/reaching out -I dossolve into tears. Yes,I went to a support group for siblings,and made an appoinment with grief counsellor, I am not sure it is the right thing to do so early in the grief process.Thanks again for this forum. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Anusia Posted January 1, 2013 Author Members Report Share Posted January 1, 2013 Wishing happy New year to all of you! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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