Members MasterSplyntr Posted December 25, 2012 Members Report Share Posted December 25, 2012 HiI just wanted to say helloI lost my mother almost 4 years ago and it is tough around the holidays.My father remarried and now is consumed by this womans family over his own.Her parents moved to the area on his dime too.He is constantly traveling to see her kids.Anyways in essence I lost both parents.Merry christmas Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members nopeace Posted December 25, 2012 Members Report Share Posted December 25, 2012 Hello and Merry Christmas. I lost my Momma 9 October 2011 and I am so miserable.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members RobbG Posted December 25, 2012 Members Report Share Posted December 25, 2012 Welcome Master, I lost my Dad in November and my mother is no help. It's a hard time but welcome and hopefully you can find some peace. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Catherine161 Posted December 26, 2012 Members Report Share Posted December 26, 2012 That sounds very tough for you. I hope you have (had) a nice Christmas. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ForeverRemembered Posted December 27, 2012 Members Report Share Posted December 27, 2012 Hello MasterSplyntr, I lost my mom on 09/11/2012. My parents were married for 49 years. I was shocked when my dad told me he had a lunch date with an old friend 2 weeks after her death. He continued these dates for awhile. My mother was sick for a long time before she passed away, but (to me) that doesn't give him the right to date 2 weeks after my mother's death. When I confided to a family friend, she said that she knows a lot of men who lost their wives and just couldn't bear to be alone. I don't know how true it is, but it was a way for me to "understand" such a disrespectful action. Just wondering if you ever told your dad how you felt? He may not even realize that he is hurting you. He may just feel that you are doing fine. Maybe it is their way to fill the void. They need to be taken care of, and at the same time feel as if they are needed. I never told my dad how much he hurt me. Hope this helps (even if just a little). You aren't alone. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Alberto Posted December 29, 2012 Members Report Share Posted December 29, 2012 Hello MasterSplyntr,With the following I'm not justifying the behavior you expressed from your father. For many of us (humans), there's no a formal education on how to cope with the loss of a love one. In fact, in our culture (at least mine) men has to be tough, fearless, emotionless or at least project that to others. Of course, thanks God this is not true for every man out there. This behavior may bring such consequences as to look for something, or someone else to fill the 'emptiness' as fast as possible. Many, as expected are just trying to survive...Again, any of this justify the emotional separation from your father. He might not be aware of your emotions; have you express to him how you feel to him? Please do it for you and for him.Please let us know.With Love and Respect,Alberto Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members BreathofAngel Posted December 29, 2012 Members Report Share Posted December 29, 2012 HiI just wanted to say helloI lost my mother almost 4 years ago and it is tough around the holidays.My father remarried and now is consumed by this womans family over his own.Her parents moved to the area on his dime too.He is constantly traveling to see her kids.Anyways in essence I lost both parents.Merry christmasIt is so difficult, I realize, for you to be coping with things like this. I have always deeply believed that a Dad's love and allegiance is to his family first and foremost and then to another if he is so involved. After all, his own family is his own flesh and blood not the other family. But some men don't see it that way most unfortunately. But you appear to be of good strength to carry on despite this setback. I know you can do it! Obviously, it would be much easier to have your Dad in the picture but if he does not realize this by now then perhaps in time he will come to his senses and understand the hurt and pain he has caused you and move to rectify that void. I hope you were able to have a good Christmas regardless!Do look towards tomorrow for the day is always the darkest just before the light! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators widower2 Posted December 29, 2012 Moderators Report Share Posted December 29, 2012 MS I'm so sorry for your loss and how your father appears to have been consumed by his new wife, even to the point of forgetting his own. Talk about salt in the wound. It's impossible for any of us to say why, obviously, as we don't know him or you or others involved or most of the specifics, but please understand it's certainly not unusual for someone, man OR woman, who has lost a spouse to sooner or later start dating and even re-marry and I think perfectly understandable. They have been used to having someone as part of their lives every day, that partner, and suddenly find themselves alone. Even if they have family around, it's not the same as having that partner, and loneliness is a powerful motivator to reach out and try to find someone else. This isn't about allegiance to one or the other though; there is or should be room in his heart - and his life - for both a new spouse (including her family) and his own children. Sounds like he has forgotten that. Doesn't he ever visit you or siblings if you have any? Does he call? Maybe it's time for you to reach out to him and let him know how you feel one way or the other. I would try not to be confrontational or angry with them, though he may have well earned it. Again just let him know or point out how little you see him and how you feel like you've "lost" him as well. If you can't do it directly, try calling, or if necessary and you can't do it any other way, even an email, etc. The point is communicate.....I wish you the best regardless... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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