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Momgran…. It is lovely to see you back again. You and Mamabets were so supportive when I first joined last summer.


I find it so heartbreaking to read all the different circumstances of the deaths of our respective children. I have close family who have lost children and have worked with colleagues who have lost their sons several years ago and my husband’s brother lost his 24 year old daughter 4 months after we lost Simon. However, I thought that as a mother, I could imagine what it would be like. The reality is, you don’t even come close.


I have just been through an extremely busy time with our emotions all over the place ! My elder daughter, her husband , 3 year old daughter and 2 year old son moved in 2 weeks ago while they have an extension built onto their house. They will be here for a few months. She also had a baby girl by c-section last Thursday and she came home on Saturday.. That means I now have 6 grandchildren………..4 girls and 2 boys. They are nearly 9, two 3 year olds(cousins), a 2 year old, 11 months and the new arrival. They were all here yesterday for the Easter egg hunt. And it was raining! The midwife had called earlier and we had some visitors to see the baby .Busy, busy busy and always on the go.


I know I am blessed, but these normal happy family occasions are so bittersweet. Simon has missed out on seeing one nephew and 2 nieces. How they would have loved Uncle Sim and he would have adored each and every one of them. He always came laden with presents, cards and balloons for his sisters and their newborn babies. It is so poignant to see his wife Joanne carry on the tradition on her own. My 3 year old little granddaughter stood by Simon’s photo and shouted up that she had a new baby sister and told him her name. We talk about Simon all the time and he will always be a big part of our lives.


I also find that I worry more than ever about them all now. It was agonising waiting for my son-in-law to ring with news. I am always afraid the worst will happen. It is quite rational I suppose because now we know that bad things don’t just happen to other people. Luckily, my new little granddaughter is tiny but perfect. The whole fuss surrounding the birth just brings back memories of my pregnancies. Personally though I find that losing a child is far,far more life changing than having a new baby.

So as you can see, a rollercoaster of emotions and a merry-go-round of laundry, cooking, cleaning, feeding bathing etc.It just goes to show that life has to go on whether we want it to or not.

Thinking of you all,

Love Avril X

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