Members Yadairaisabel Posted December 17, 2012 Members Report Share Posted December 17, 2012 This is just me venting and letting some of this out.Last night I sat in bed with a bottle of pills. As I held them in my hand I thought of everything I have gone thru in my short years of life. Some of those things I can't even mention. I ask myself what is the point of being here? What purpose do I play? Why do I continue to get thrown in this dark, cold and lonely hole. I was finally truly happy. I had a complete family! And within seconds that was gone.Then I looked to my right and there was my three year old son. The light of my eyes! My first baby who now has no daddy and all he could count on is mommy. Then to my left my two month old daughter. Her fathers spitting image. Only a baby who will never spend time with her dad. Defenseless and completely dependent on me. And there I realized how extremely selfish I acted. Just because my life is hard doesn't mean that taking my life will help. I write this today as a way to say I'm sorry to my kids. It's not their fault I'm going thru a hard time and I shouldn't punish them by leaving them alone in this cruel world... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ModKonnie Posted December 18, 2012 Members Report Share Posted December 18, 2012 Yadairaisabel,Please consider going to a professional, and if you have self harm thoughts, please contact someone or even a local suicide hotline. I am so glad you are here and talking about what a wonderful family you have. It is so difficult to suffer a profound loss, and there are so many here trying to get through, too. We will truly be here for you. ModKonnie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Yadairaisabel Posted December 18, 2012 Author Members Report Share Posted December 18, 2012 Thank you! I know I have a lot to fight for! And I won't give up thank you very much for the support Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators widower2 Posted December 18, 2012 Moderators Report Share Posted December 18, 2012 Props to you for realizing where your priorities lie I know it may seem impossible, but you can and will survive this. Life is worth fighting for. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Rhonda61 Posted December 18, 2012 Members Report Share Posted December 18, 2012 Yadairaisabel, I lost my husband, June 25th , 2010. We were married 23 years, and when he left this world, I felt as if my world ended as well. 2 1/2 years later, I do still have some bad days. But it does get some better, with time. I noticed that your fiance just passed away, in November 2012. Please give yourself some time. The best thing you can do for yourself is to find a professional to talk with. Those 2 babies are his legacy, and yes, they depend on you. My kids were adults when they lost their father, but that might have been 3, because they still clung to me, they still do. When I get down so badly, I try and look into their faces, and see their father. He's still there, as your fiance is. Please give yourself time.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Yadairaisabel Posted December 19, 2012 Author Members Report Share Posted December 19, 2012 Thank you everyone for all the support. I have my appt with the counselor on Thursday and hopefully we can come up with a plan to make me feel better. I love my kids and I can't leave them alone. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators widower2 Posted December 19, 2012 Moderators Report Share Posted December 19, 2012 Again pls remember that a lot of any such plan must involve time, and lots of it. It is unfortunately a marathon, not a sprint. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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