Members Aimee Posted December 15, 2012 Members Report Share Posted December 15, 2012 A friend of mine was singing in her church Christmas show tonight, and as much as I wanted to go, when it came time to, I couldn't. I freeze at the idea of other people laughing and celebrating when I just want to scream. I have a hard time seeing another family with their father, and husband, and I think: What the hell?! This is not f'ing right. I shouldn't be alone. My kids shouldn't have Christmas without their father!!!!!!!!!I thought I was coming out of the valley. I thought I could do this... but I can't. I can't stand the thought of being without him on Christmas...Sorry.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members mgilbertson Posted December 16, 2012 Members Report Share Posted December 16, 2012 Dear Aimee, My feelings exactly! It's just a terrible time of the of the year and a really bad day for me also. May God be with us and give us the strength to go on. I'm sorry you've had so many losses this year, I just can't imagine. Wishing you Peace, Marti Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Jane A Posted December 16, 2012 Members Report Share Posted December 16, 2012 Yes, Aimee, you can! Maybe not just now, but you will be able to do it in your own way and on your own timeline. Thinking of you!Jane Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Aimee Posted December 16, 2012 Author Members Report Share Posted December 16, 2012 Thank you Jane and Marti. I am so thankful to have this forum. I get to have my 'moments' and others understand. It was just a 'moment' and I expect so many more of them in the next two weeks and beyond...Marti, I have had a tough year... many losses... My Grandmother, who was a second mom to me, died in January. My Charlie in Feb. and just this past September, my older brother. It has been a sad year... needless to say, I want nothing to do with 2012!I will be so glad when the holidays are over... The one thing that keeps me from going completely insane: God!Aimee Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Rhonda61 Posted December 16, 2012 Members Report Share Posted December 16, 2012 I know what you mean Aimee, about not being able to go to church with the others, laughing, and celebrating. After my husband of 23 years passed away in 2010, I started going to church with my parents, and did ok, until one Sunday about a 3 months later. Someone was holding a couples class in the auditorium. They were talking about not taking things so seriously when you fight with your spouse. It hit me.... hard!!!! I thought, if they were in my shoes, fighting wouldn't matter!!! I left in tears and haven't been able to go back yet. It's been 2 1/2 years since my husband passed away, and for about 1 1/2, I was walking around like a zombie, or so my kids tell me. I still have some VERY bad days, but my kids keep me going. They are 24 and 31, so they try to keep Mama smiling. This time of the year was my husband's favorite, so it's pretty hard. But, " talking " helps, which is why I joined this forum. I am finally ( I think ) at a point when I can maybe do some volunteer work. I get myself all ready to go out, and then back out. My daughter is a teacher and I did go to a couple of games with her this year.Aimee, you have my heartfelt sympathies. I lost my husband and his father, within 3 months of each other. 2010 for me, was a hard year. I do know what you are going through, and I will start trying to check this forum more often, so if you'd ever like to just " talk " feel free! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Aimee Posted December 16, 2012 Author Members Report Share Posted December 16, 2012 Thank you Rhonda. It truly does help to know others share my pain, almost exactly or even simultaneously. It hasn't been a year for me, and I have been working hard to find the joy in all of this... today was not joyful... but maybe tomorrow.I do enjoy posting here. No one to judge you; and even if they do, you have no idea Hope to get a chance to chat. Best wishes for a peaceful holiday.Aimee Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.