Just lost my Dad and really sad after finding something

[Justtobeme2]

As I write this, my first post, I am crying like a baby. I lost my dad November 26th, he was 82 and I realize that is a long life and I had time with him...but I was his caretaker and he loved to fish. He hadn't been fishing in years and we had planned a trip, just me and him (I'm his daughter) but he fell and couldn't go. He was sooooo excited and told everyone we were going fishing and I just found his check list for the trip...I feel soooooo bad I couldn't take him fishing. I love him and so miss him saying "Hello Skeeter (his nickname for me) pumpkin eater"...I have a lot to be thankful for but right now it doesn't feel like it..

I had briefly spoken with him in the morning and when he didn't return my call I came over and found him on the kitchen floor, I did cpr until emt's got there because he was warm, but his eyes were open...it didn't work.......I miss my little Daddy....

[Kiki2466]

I'm so sorry. I know how you feel.

My mom's Christmas jewelry is KILLING me right now. Little pins of santa and snowman earrings etc. I cry and cry when i look at them....but I keep doing it

[ModKonnie]

Justtobeme2,

I am so very sorry about the loss of your dad. I lost mine three years ago, and the holidays are tough. There are many people here who will be supportive and encouraging for you. Do you have other family to talk to? What about friends?

We will be here for you,

ModKonnie

[Justtobeme2]

Justtobeme2,

I am so very sorry about the loss of your dad. I lost mine three years ago, and the holidays are tough. There are many people here who will be supportive and encouraging for you. Do you have other family to talk to? What about friends?

We will be here for you,

ModKonnie

Thank you. I do have family that I talk to and they are trying really hard to keep me busy but it's still very hard especially when everything is quiet. My sis and I decorated a xmas tree today to put on their grave and I kept breaking down. They loved Christmas and pretty bright things.

[RobbG]

First off I am so sorry for your loss. I can sympathize. I keep finding little things of my father's and they destroy me. I bawl my eyes out and even things that should make me remember good times hurt like a knife in the chest. I hope you can find some solace.

[ForeverRemembered]

Justtobeme2,

I just read your post. It sounds to me like your dad was so happy to have planned that fishing trip with you. You are so wonderful to have just planned that trip with your dad because just planning it made him so happy! He knew that you wanted to go and he told everyone about it. You seem to be an amazing daughter and just from a few sentences...I could tell that you guys loved each other so much. I lost my mother on September 11th 2012 and it was a very traumatic death for me to have watched. She was 66 years old. She was sick for a long time. It is a long story, but I tried hard over the past 3 years to help my mother get her medications straightened out and I tried to ensure that she was doing the things the doctors had told her to do. When my mother died she was in respiratory distress and she couldn't breathe. It was like watching a fish out of water struggling for air. I had a lot of trouble going to sleep because that day she died was being played over and over in my head. I cried all the time. I finally went to talk to a doctor who said everything that I felt was very normal. He said not only am I mourning the lose of my mom, but I had to witness the terrible event. I often wonder if I hadn't been in the ER that day (if I had just gotten a phone call that she had died), would I still have so much sadness and pain in my heart. I still have those days of crying like a baby. Her things being around me are very comforting to me. I know some people can't look at things that constantly remind them of their parents loss. I feel comfort.

I guess what I am trying to tell you is give it time. Know that you made your daddy really happy. I am sure having to give him CPR was difficult for you. I believe that I suffered from post traumatic stress. I never went on antidepressants, but I know there was times that my husband thought I really needed them. Just talking with a therapist has really helped me. You are still in shock and still mourning the loss of your sweet daddy. Time. Time will help you. We won't forget them, but the break down crying spells will get farther and farther apart. I am sure your dad wouldn't want you to be so sad. Remember, with all your heart, that your fishing trip wasn't cancelled, it was just postponed for another day. He has eternity to wait for you to live out the rest of your life. He will be waiting for you with fishing poles! Meanwhile, give yourself time to mourn. It will get easier.

I am so sorry you lost your dad.