A question

[Tab]

How can you tell if you are mourning or obsessing?

I ask because Saturdays are the worse day of the week for me.

What was originally associated as "our" day, where we would take small nature trips or simply go do something together. The monster even took that from us because it was Saturday that she passed away. Everytime I look at the time I immediately return to what was happening on that fateful day at that specific time. Today the scenario began all over again and I cannot bear it.

Add in that I feel compelled to have a Christmas gift and card under the tree for Kellie but I worry how her mother would take it.

So I ask...is this mourning or obsession?

[kendi]

I wish I could answer that question for you!!! I am beginning to wonder that myself, because all I can do is relive that moment I lost Kenny. I was kissing him the minute he took his last breath and the days I sat beside him wondering when he was going to take it. I see things I want to buy for him and do for him just like if he was still here on earth. May God lead to the place of comfort we need!!!

[Mdanielson4]

I feel mine is a bit of both. I am feeling deep sorrow because the most important, person in my life has been ripped from me. I can only think of whom it was taken my lover, confidant, partner, best friend, and spouse. If that isn’t both I don’t know what is. I miss her every minute of every day. Tomorrow will be a year since they told us the news and she started her first round of Chemo in the Hospital. I can tell you what she was wearing that day her jeans and Red Coke sweatshirt. I can tell you that was the day she stopped smoking. That was the day it changed our lives. I miss her every moment of every day. I believe that would be the meaning of Mourning and Obsessing!!!

Mike

[Caremal]

Tab is it MOURNING. And it can take on many different forms. My heart is with you - it is painful to loose someone so special. Hang in there this shall pass and your life will go on . That is the natural process of this journey we are on.

[widower2]

Tab this just happened. As md said, it's kind of both - and that's perfectly understandable. Don't worry about doing this "right." Go with what works for you. Re the present, if you feel it would be really upsetting to her mother, maybe just don't have it there when she is around?

Hang in there all; I'm sorry for the cruelty we have all been dealt.

[Aimee]

Tab,

I, too, was wondering if all the "things" I was doing to honor my Charlie was on the line of obsession. I even spoke to my therapist about it.

Therapist: "It is completely normal to want to have things they way they were. Especially around the holidays. I would be worried if you didn't think that having a celebration for Charlie and in rememberance of him would help you. That would mean you would be surpressing feelings and that leads to a whole other problem."

With that said, I agree with widower2: "Don't worry about doing this right." I don't think any of us here has some magic formula to say 'Here grieve this way,' there isn't a guidebook to this... You should do what you think is right. Also in accordance with widower2, take the gift for Kellie away when her mother visits.

Peace with you on this long and painful journey.

Aimee