Daddy, I'm so sorry.

[meferrell14]

I can be happy around people and through the day, as long as I'm busy. But as soon as I lay down at night, it all comes rushing back to me. The emptiness I felt when they first told me, the regret I feel for not ever making things right with my dad, the sound of his voice, I can almost feel him kiss my forehead and give me butterfly kisses before bed like I'm a little girl again. I don't know how I'll ever sleep again without dreaming of him, of his voice, of how maybe I could have saved him, about my future wedding day with him, about all the things I always wanted to do but didn't.

My dad died in a car crash. He had a heart attack and brain aneurism while driving home late one night. He crashed into a tree, and it snapped his spinal cord. Exactly a week after his funeral, I had a car crash. I totalled my car and the truck that hit me. I know that daddy was protecting me that day, I had his obituary pinned to my mirror with a "Don't drive faster than your guardian angel can fly" clip. I prayed to him, saying thank you, but every night, that feeling of fear comes over me again. Can you take that away, daddy? Can you be with me and make this all better? I'm trying so hard to be the strong and independent woman that you raised, but please, give me a break. Send something my way to fill this void.

[ForeverRemembered]

People say when you repeatedly dream of someone who has past away means they are coming to you in your dreams. My mother past away on September 11, 2012. I also have a difficult time when the evening time comes. Stay strong and just know you are a strong and independent woman. He is sure to be very proud of you. Hugs sweetie!

[Justtobeme2]

I dreamt last night, this morning, that I heard my dad putting the dishes away so I thought when I woke up that he was here....I miss him so much too.

[ForeverRemembered]

I know you are missing your dad. I am missing my mom too. Crazy as it sounds, it takes time for our brains to accept death. It has to process through all the information and toggles through the different scenarios relating to death. It just takes time. I am constantly looking for signs from my mom. Anything for me to believe that she is with me, it makes me feel better when I feel as if I have found something. Try it out, but don't expect a sign right away. Knowing that your dad is okay and he walks at your side, may help you as it has helped me. One other thing that I read has really helped me.... give yourself a time to grieve. My time is the late evening. I sit and cry because I miss her so much. After my kids and husband have all gone to bed. However, during the day...I try hard not to allow myself to cry and I try to stop my repetitive thoughts regarding my mom's death. I tell myself..."Not Now". This has really helped me too.

Just remember we all grieve differently. You may find the way I deal with my mom's death not helpful at all to you. However, you may find that they help. Surely, your daddy wouldn't want you to be in so much pain. As parents, the most difficult thing for us is to see our children in pain and hurting. When you are hurting, close your eyes and think of what would your dad say to you at that moment if he could talk to you? I believe my mom would wipe away my tears and I hear her telling me, "Please Don't Cry. I Am Okay." She would tell me that I she has eternity to wait for me, so live my life and just know that we will see each other again someday.

Hope this helps you sweetie. Just remember that you are not alone. There are so many people out there who are hurting just like you. There is no quick cure for mourning. Just take it one day at a time. Try as many things as you can to help yourself feel better. One of them will work! Time is your friend. Soon, it will still hurt but that unbearable pain that you feel....will go away.

Hugs Sweetie!