Members fitgal Posted December 1, 2012 Members Report Share Posted December 1, 2012 It's been a month since Lee died. One month today. I'm alone. I reach out and NO ONE IS THERE. I do all the things I'm supposed to do and NOTHING. I'm angry and sad and both fall on deaf ears. Nobody seems to care as to how much I'm hurting. My kids are with their dad this weekend and I'm by myself now. The pain is getting unbearable. I cry, I rock back and forth, I sit in total silence, I look around the house and Lee is supposed to be here and he is not. And I'm supposed to just move along like I haven't missed a beat. Well, my life is in complete shambles and I'm starting to not give one bit of #$%^ anymore. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators widower2 Posted December 1, 2012 Moderators Report Share Posted December 1, 2012 I'm sorry you're having such a rough go fg, but it's to be expected so soon after a loss. Your kids will be back and still there for you (more than I can say) - not sure what you mean by "supposed to do" - the only thing you're "supposed" to do IMO is take care of yourself and your kids as best you can. And no one (no one with a functioning brain that is) expects you to "just move along like you haven't missed a beat." This takes time and lots of it. Hold on - it's a rough road you're on (those of us here get that believe me) but you can survive it. Try to stay busy - also pls consider grief counseling. Not some garden variety psychologist, but a grief counselor (not the same thing). tc Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members BreathofAngel Posted December 1, 2012 Members Report Share Posted December 1, 2012 It's been a month since Lee died. One month today. I'm alone. I reach out and NO ONE IS THERE. I do all the things I'm supposed to do and NOTHING. I'm angry and sad and both fall on deaf ears. Nobody seems to care as to how much I'm hurting. My kids are with their dad this weekend and I'm by myself now. The pain is getting unbearable. I cry, I rock back and forth, I sit in total silence, I look around the house and Lee is supposed to be here and he is not. And I'm supposed to just move along like I haven't missed a beat. Well, my life is in complete shambles and I'm starting to not give one bit of #$%^ anymore.Dearest (((((((fitgal)))))))I express my sincerest sympathy on the physical loss of your fiance'. I know it can be very hard to cope during this time especially since it is so new for you. Your being alone is what can make it all the more difficult. When you reach out for sympathy and understanding of your plight it can be more than frustrating when it appears that no one is listening or wants to listen. I know because I have been there also, dearheart.It may be that they appear not to care because people being people are usually caught in the moment of their own lives and though they may mean well and may wish to help in some way they often lose sight of the fact that someone is right there near them wanting a little support. Sometime later there are many who think back on things like that and then want to reach out but feel embarrassed that they did not do so in the first place and feel it is too late thus, do nothing.Life is not meant to be lived alone. However, when it becomes time for someone to make their transition (pass-on) it is something that is entirely out of our control. People are called back by their maker and although we wish they would stay a little longer it becomes impossible once that moment comes. But since life is not meant to be lived alone there are organizations that are set up to help bring comfort to those who grieve. Many church organizations also have programs and outreach for those who find themselves alone and suffering.You have come to us and we are a unique and eclectic group of folks who truly care about one another with great tenderness and Love because we have been there ourselves. Together, we can fellowship in confidence that when we speak to others in this forum we will be speaking to those who understand and care, as they too are here for the same purpose.You have been blessed to have your children even though they may be away at times. But they will return to you and they are your reason to see the light in another day rather than dwell in the darkness. They are life and Love and great spirit to you! And their love for you is incomparable because you are a great part of them and they are a part of you. So you are not truly alone. The day may seem dark but remember that at the end of the darkness lies great light!Try to make your days a little lighter by focusing on the fact that this is not the end. It may be rough today but tomorrow is another day and you may find yourself with another friend who will reach out to you and also want you to comfort him or her as well. Together new friendships can be kindled and you can find strength just in knowing that you are not alone. Open your heart in tender ways to allow others to touch it and be your friend.For more on this, you might wish to visit the following websites that provide more outlets with which to fellowship.http://ezinearticles...band&id=6180730http://www.griefloss...m/spousal-loss/https://www.opentoho...a-spouses-deathMay God bless you and bring you great comfort and new friends, dearheart, and may you be always surrounded by His Love. I send you a Big Hug! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members mgilbertson Posted December 1, 2012 Members Report Share Posted December 1, 2012 Dear Fitgal,Thinking of you and Praying for you. Marti Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members inmemoryofjoe Posted December 1, 2012 Members Report Share Posted December 1, 2012 Hi Fitgal, I am sorry for your loss I truly feel your pain, my husband I knew 28 years died unexpectedly of a heart attack June 28th 2012 5 months ago, he was only 51 he died on my dad's birthday then a week later I got his ashes on would have been his birthday, like you I feel I have no support I live with my dad he never asks me how I am, my sisters and brother NEVER call me to ask me how I am doing. There is no pain as bad as loosing my husband we never had kids [i had a physical problem] I have my pets to help keep me going but I really found out who my friends are, most were not there for me, only one friend came to visit when he died, it makes me more disgusted, my mom who is my support system lives upstate NY hours away I don't see her much I am praying I will move with her but she is not in great health.God bless you I am here if you need to talk ,Paula Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Yadairaisabel Posted December 2, 2012 Members Report Share Posted December 2, 2012 Hi fit!! We have spoken before about lee and I felt that love you have for him. I completely understand how you feel Monday will be one month of my chucks death and I feel angry, overwhelmed, lost, sad, devastated, and I can go on and I feel like no one gives a damn and simply expects for me to have my s*** together for my kids and myself. Sadly enough I know chuck expected me to keep myself together. Now I know there is nothing that anyone can say or do to make you feel better. But try to keep peace for you and your children. And go to a grief counselor and see how maybe that can help you stand the pain because the pain will never go away but neither will your love for him!!!!!! Love him continue to love him more and more and get yourself up for him!!!! And if you need someone to listen to you I will be more than happy to do so! I feel your pain I understand your pain and its rough its hard to sit and wait for them to come home but just know that one day we will go home to them but until that day comes we have to do what they would have expected is to do. Stand firm take care of our families. It's ok to cry fitgal it's ok to be angry and upset just let it all out.May god bless you always... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members LOST26 Posted December 2, 2012 Members Report Share Posted December 2, 2012 Fitgal,It's been a little over a month since I lost my husband Russ and I can't hardly stand it. I do the crying with the rocking back and forth too.... I know it's so hard. My family has been great to try and help me so I'm very fortunate for that. I don't have young children that need me. My son is 27 and he has his own life, house, and works a 2 hour distance away. When my family leaves after the weekend I'm alone too. You do have your children which is wonderful. It must hurt not to have very much other support but keep thinking of your kids and when their visit is over with their dad they will be back with you.I just feel so bad for everyone but somehow people survive. It sure is hard....... I wish I could hug my Russ. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members fitgal Posted December 4, 2012 Author Members Report Share Posted December 4, 2012 Thank you everyone. I know you all know how it hurts so bad. This month sucks so very much, to put it bluntly. I'm trying to claw my way back. I see that my kids need me but I'm on auto-pilot that every step feels excruciatingly hard. I'm so blown away by the grief.....never in my wildest dreams could I have ever conceptualized this pain. I never knew how much the heart could hurt and paralyze me like this. I'm trying, each day seems sooooooo long. I go from mad to sad. Today I almost lost it at work....work was where we met. It's hard to reach out to others when they are trying to live their lives. I got into an argument with one of my friends over God...I was really upset that she wasn't listening to where I was at, she was trying to convince me to think like her and seek God. Well, right now I'm MAD! And I would never convince anyone to think like me, but that is where I am at today, probably tomorrow and the next day, and so on and so on......Christmas is going to be so hard. I can't even go shopping for the kids. Hearing Christmas music and seeing couples holding hands makes me want to pull my hair out. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members mgilbertson Posted December 5, 2012 Members Report Share Posted December 5, 2012 Dear Fitgal, I think it's to soon to feel any other way but the way you do. The holidays have been terrible, but I'm not expecting much change after the holidays either. I'm tired, my heart is broke, and I feel alone most days. I truly don't know how people cope when they have children to care for. It must be hard to go it alone. It can only get better because it can't get any worse! We can only hope that one day we feel our hearts start to heal. I miss my Scott and still can't believe I have to live the rest of my life without him. Wishing you some Peace tonight, Marti Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators widower2 Posted December 7, 2012 Moderators Report Share Posted December 7, 2012 Christmas is going to be so hard. I can't even go shopping for the kids. Then shop online. But make sure they are "covered" for the holidays; they NEED this, I think.... Hearing Christmas music and seeing couples holding hands makes me want to pull my hair out.I hear you. Don't listen and don't look as much as possible..........and hang in there, we're rooting for you........ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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