Loss of my father - Our lives will never be the same again!

[Anamika]

I just lost my father to lung infection a month ago. He was a great person - so selfless, so non-judgmental, unconditional and giving. He truly lived for his family and never did anything for his own enjoyment or comfort. He lived a life of struggle, caring for his own family, his sibilings, my mother's family.

I just lost him to a lung infection and he was only 69. It was very unexpected and sudden. I stay across the globe from my family and though I could make it in time to take a last glimpse of him before he was gone, it's been very traumatic. I had not seen him for the past one year. The last I talked to him was two weeks ago (except at the hospital, when he was on ventillator and couldn't talk anyways) and I don't know the last time I told him I love you. Not that I didn't love him. I loved him immensely and intensely. Just that never got around to letting him know how I felt about him. Our relationship was not formal and I never expected he will be gone too soon. He was totally healthy, no medications and was physically very active.

My mom, at 60, is at a total loss. They were love birds and were each other's heart & soul. She lost her everything. She lived in his shadow - has no friends of her own, no activities or clubs that she will engage all by herself, she hasn't even grocery shopped all by herself. She doesn't drive and she doesn't handle finances. Thank God, she is healthy for now but she has never faced life on her own. She is very innocent and people easily dominate her or take her for gratned. When my dad was around, he would not let it happen. But we dont have that support and care now.

I have a sister but she lives thousands of miles away from home too. I am confronted with multiple emotions.

• The heart-wrenching pain of losing my dad so young. My 2 year old daughter will never know the great person he was.
  
• The fact that my mom is widowed so young, she will never re-marry and I am across the globe and will not be able to stay with her. She will be living a lonely life now. Her life will never be the same again.
  
• I couldn't do anything to save my father. Not that I could have prevented death, but I feel like the hospital didn't do their best to save him. He did not have to die of a lung infection at 69. My mother went through the trauma herself, i couldn't nurse my father during his last weeks. He was hospitalised only for 10 days though and then he was gone.
  
• I couldn't do much for my dad. He did a lot for me and I was thinking and making plans to do something to make him really happy. Was exploring options of different things I could possibly do, but he didn't wait.
  

I feel heart broken and orphaned. All my friends have their parents healthy and going strong and their concept of family is still intact. we lost our sunshine, our hope and our promise for tomorrow. We do not have reliable relatives to count on either.

Life seems to be at a standstill...but am sure God will work his magic and some day, we will all feel better.

Thanks for listening.

[ModKonnie]

Anamika,

I am so very sorry about the loss of your father. It often seems when we are suffering that others' families look so much happier, but that is really not true. You still have your concept of family because your parents instilled that concept in you, and it can't be taken away. Regardless of the distance or physical limitations, you still have a family--and it sounds like a very good one.

As far as your mother--you may be pleasantly surprised at how strong she is. My mother was completely dependent on my father, but she stunned us with her inner resolve when my dad died. She is thriving now.

Feeling scared, lonely, mad, anxious and many other emotions is perfectly normal during grieving. You may even become unusually worried and protective over your mother, and that's okay, too.

You dad knew you loved him. It's okay.

Life has been altered, but in time things will feel better. It will truly be okay. Just keep talking to your sister and mother. Allow your self time to grieve and reflect.

So, is your mother staying where she is, or is she going to live with you or your sister? It might be a good idea to consider a grief and loss group or some counseling, particularly for your mother so she can sort through and begin to put pieces of her life back together.

We will be here for you,

ModKonnie

[Anamika]

ModKonnie - Your response is so warm and reassuring! I cant thank enough. Thanks for giving me hope to move on...