Why do the good die young?

[lele1981]

HI everyone!! I am new to this forum and thought I would give this a try... Thought it might help me as sometimes I feel as if I can't carry on and pretend to be strong anymore... Thank you for those who read and reply as i have a feeling it is going to be a big read...

I lost my baby sister, my only sister in July 2009. She had just finished her studies at university and decided to treat herself to a holiday as a reward for all the long hours and effort that she had put in.

We were very close and she wanted me to drop her off at the airport on a Friday, i wanted to so badly but was unable to as i had just started a new job and could not take the time off, boy was i to regret that in the future! She had planned to go on a tour with her best friend and was due to be gone for around 5 weeks.

I spoke to her almost everyday when she was OS, even if it was for a quick hello, this was her first time OS and i was worried about her and curios to see what she had been up to. It was 7 days into her holiday and she called me and told me that she was going skydiving the next morning. I was shocked as this was so out of her character, she was such a quiet shy girl, even when i took her to a water slide theme park in our home town she freaked out so skydiving was way out of her character, i mean, this is more something that i would do but i figured that she had wanted to get the most out of her holiday. I remember the last thought that i had that night before i went to be and that was of her and hoping that her skydive went well.

I remember the next morning so clearly its scary. I attended my brothers house as i used to look after my niece on saturdays, i remember my sister in laws face when i walked in. She was crying to the point that she was barely able to get a breath let alone talk to me, I walked in and asked what my brother had done to make her so upset, all she could say was that my sister was in an accident. My heart started to race and at this time my brother came to me and told me that my sister was in an accident OS. I don't know why and i don't know how but it was at this time that i knew she was gone, its hard to describe but it was like i didn't feel her anymore.

Basically what happened was that the weather conditions were too bad for skydiving and they were due to leave for another city the next day. The group that she has befriended all really wanted to do something while they were there and decided last minute to go white water rafting instead. She was on one of many boats that day and all the other boats made it but not hers? Two girls lost their life that day, two lives gone in an instant. When i think about the whole situation or even when i explain it to others for the first time it sounds like a movie, I mean this only happens in the movies, but it happened to her, it so sad!

The weeks after her death i seemed to be doing ok i think? I was still heart broken but eating and sleeping a little and really trying to keep myself busy and in the company of others, i think it had still not sunken in and i was on a mega adrenalin rush! But i am finding as time goes on it gets harder, the memories are still there but not as clear and i get scared that i am going to forget, i never want to forget.

My sister was my rock and really the only immediate family member that i was close to, i mean we were meant to grow old together and have babies together, even though years have passed sometimes I can not believe that she is gone. I can't believe that i am never going to see her again, talk to he again and laugh with her again. She really did take a piece of me when she left this earth and i know that things will never be the same.

How do people move and and carry on after the death of a loved one. I am fine most days but at some points it feels like i take 2 steps forward and 10 steps back. My friends have been my rock and so supportive in always wanting to lend a shoulder for me to cry on but sometimes that does not feel like enough, I just want her back.

Is this something you eventually get over or is this a burden that i will carry for the rest of my life? Why do the good die young...

[stargazer5510]

It's so heartbreaking to read your story. I'm so sorry you lost your sister.

I related twice. I, too, lost a sister when I was just 16 years old. It was a home accident. It was excruciatingly painful. I know it changed me fundamentally and I spent a good number of years "acting out".

I also lost a good friend in a rafting accident. Just as you described. All of the rafts made it through a bad spot except his. We were all celebrating 4th of July - a big group of friends. I was only 19 at the time.

But even at that, I can't imagine what you're going through. So many years have passed since I lost my little sister and good friend. I can tell you that after many, many years, it's not at all painful to remember either them or the circumstances of their passing. I have "key moment" memories that I know I will never lose. I do know the feeling you're talking about of not ever wanting to forget.

I hope you have plenty of pictures and videos. That helps over time. You'll be able to introduce your sister to your children some day and they will know her and love her as you do.

I know our loved ones would want us to work very hard at healing and being happy, but sometimes you just hit a rough patch. I hope it has helped to tell your story. Being here has helped me a lot.

((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))