Members Mdanielson4 Posted November 11, 2012 Members Report Share Posted November 11, 2012 I lost my Mom March 24th 2012, I was taking care of my wife who had been diagnosed with Lung Cancer in Dec 2011. A few weeks earlier my sisters called me and told me my Mom was very Ill and they were going to have to put her on Hospice to help control the pain she was in. I was with my wife 500 miles away in the Hospital after a bout of Chemo made her deathly Ill. Confused and hurt because the most significant women in my life were dying, I didn’t know what to do. My wife and I were in a city so far from any family because of my work. She knew I was hurting so she made me an appointment to see a Psychiatrist and maybe he could at least help me get some sleep. I hadn’t slept for weeks. On the 24th of March they called and told me Mom passed away. I couldn’t go to the funeral my wife needed me. I knew my Mom would understand but it still hurt. At the end of April the Dr called me into my wife’s Hospital room to tell us the Chemo was not working and if she kept getting treatments the Chemo would kill her. They put her on Hospice. My wife died May 16th 2012. I am having a hard time dealing with the stress. Mike Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mtlost Posted November 11, 2012 Members Report Share Posted November 11, 2012 I'm so sorry for your loss. I understand how hard it is to lose people so close in such a short period of time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members nopeace Posted November 12, 2012 Members Report Share Posted November 12, 2012 I honestly don't know what to say other than you are in my prayers. I understand your pain of losing someone who can NEVER be replaced. I seek help myself and the hurt/pain/loss/loneliness/emptiness is still there. All I can say is take one second at a time and we will make it. Know you are not alone in your loss. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members kaycee42 Posted November 12, 2012 Members Report Share Posted November 12, 2012 Dear MikeIt is hardly surprising that you are having a hard time dealing with all this, you have gone through so much. I wanted to offer my prayers for you. I wish there was some magic words to make things better but as you know there are not. All I can say is keep talking on here it helps. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mdanielson4 Posted November 12, 2012 Author Members Report Share Posted November 12, 2012 Thank you all so much for your thoughts and prayers. I found this web site shortly after my wife passed and it has been a relief to read that I am not alone. I have been able to give some encouragement and share some of my experiences. This Has all helped me in the healing process. Like many of you I have good days and bad days, I pray the good days continue to grow and bad diminish. I thank you all, I am grateful for your encouraging words.Mike Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Rms1977 Posted November 13, 2012 Members Report Share Posted November 13, 2012 Mike,First, I would like to extend my deepest sympathies to you. I wish I could say I don't know how you feel, but unfortunately, we all do. We are all here for the very same reason, loss. My Dad, who raised me my whole life, passed away from a sudden Brain Anuerism on November 16th, 2011. My Mama, who happened to be my best friend, was crushed. She was half a shell after that. I knew in time, she would leave me too. She was so vibrant, beautiful, YOUNG. My Mama went to be in Heaven with my Dad, on September 18th, 2012, exactly 1 month from her 59th birthday ( Yes, a meer 2 months ago). I am still in shock, horror, disbelief, anger, denial, loss for words, I cannot even describe most of what I am feeling. She died on my chest, and because of her bowels exploding, it came out of her mouth. It was not a "Pretty" "Calm" "Quiet" death. I wish a million times I didn't witness what I did. The horror show replays in my mind, every time I lay my head down at night, or even when I day dream at work during the day.Our Mothers raise us to be independent, and LOVE our families. Your Mother understood. You made a vow to your wife, and that is what your Mother expected you to do. I am sorry for your loss, and will keep you in my prayers. Ronda- Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mdanielson4 Posted November 13, 2012 Author Members Report Share Posted November 13, 2012 Mike,First, I would like to extend my deepest sympathies to you. I wish I could say I don't know how you feel, but unfortunately, we all do. We are all here for the very same reason, loss.My Dad, who raised me my whole life, passed away from a sudden Brain Anuerism on November 16th, 2011. My Mama, who happened to be my best friend, was crushed. She was half a shell after that. I knew in time, she would leave me too. She was so vibrant, beautiful, YOUNG.My Mama went to be in Heaven with my Dad, on September 18th, 2012, exactly 1 month from her 59th birthday ( Yes, a meer 2 months ago). I am still in shock, horror, disbelief, anger, denial, loss for words, I cannot even describe most of what I am feeling. She died on my chest, and because of her bowels exploding, it came out of her mouth. It was not a "Pretty" "Calm" "Quiet" death. I wish a million times I didn't witness what I did. The horror show replays in my mind, every time I lay my head down at night, or even when I day dream at work during the day.Our Mothers raise us to be independent, and LOVE our families. Your Mother understood. You made a vow to your wife, and that is what your Mother expected you to do.I am sorry for your loss, and will keep you in my prayers.Ronda-Ronda,Thank you for the kind words. I am so sorry for your loss; it is painful when you lose someone close. It is like a part of you dies with them. I wish I had all the right answers to all of the devastation we have to deal with. I wish I could wave a wand and make it all better. Thank you for your response it truly helps me. Mike Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Rms1977 Posted November 14, 2012 Members Report Share Posted November 14, 2012 Ronda,Thank you for the kind words. I am so sorry for your loss; it is painful when you lose someone close. It is like a part of you dies with them. I wish I had all the right answers to all of the devastation we have to deal with. I wish I could wave a wand and make it all better. Thank you for your response it truly helps me.MikeMike,I wish we had a wand too. How many times I have wished that!! We can't take each others pain away, but we can truly understand what the other is going through. As selfish as it may seem, I don't really talk to people who haven't lost someone they love. It's as if I want to scream " NO YOU DON"T KNOW WHAT I'M GOING THROUGH"...When I come on here, everyones words are sincere. Peace be with you.Ronda- Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mdanielson4 Posted November 14, 2012 Author Members Report Share Posted November 14, 2012 Mike,I wish we had a wand too. How many times I have wished that!! We can't take each others pain away, but we can truly understand what the other is going through. As selfish as it may seem, I don't really talk to people who haven't lost someone they love. It's as if I want to scream " NO YOU DON"T KNOW WHAT I'M GOING THROUGH"...When I come on here, everyones words are sincere. Peace be with you.Ronda-Ronda, I understand what you are saying, but I would encourage you to reconsider and not push people away when it comes to someone who hasn’t lost someone close. They don’t know what we go through but they still want to give us comfort. I try to listen and even ignore some of the comments when they say something that doesn’t make since. It is not their fault they don’t understand and in a way I’m glad they don’t. I would not wish this pain on anyone. I truly believe most people offering comfort have good intentions. Sometimes what they say can be hurtful but I cannot believe they intend on that. My prayers are with you. Mike Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Rms1977 Posted November 15, 2012 Members Report Share Posted November 15, 2012 Ronda, I understand what you are saying, but I would encourage you to reconsider and not push people away when it comes to someone who hasn’t lost someone close. They don’t know what we go through but they still want to give us comfort. I try to listen and even ignore some of the comments when they say something that doesn’t make since. It is not their fault they don’t understand and in a way I’m glad they don’t. I would not wish this pain on anyone. I truly believe most people offering comfort have good intentions. Sometimes what they say can be hurtful but I cannot believe they intend on that. My prayers are with you. Mike You have a very valid point. I will definetely reconsider. I am not happy being the way that I am, I am just unsure how to fix it. I try to have a broader view of things, yet that window seems like it's very narrow. I do know I have so many friends who are there for me. They have made it clear they don't know what I am going through, but they are grieving, because I am grieving. They are my rock, what keeps me going. Whenever I have my crying episodes, my fiance' and child are there to comfort me. It is through them, I gain my strength. Thank you for the pep talk. In some weird way, I just listened to you. I have been told the same thing a million times by people who aren't in our "club", and have rolled my eyes. You never know the impact you may have on someone.Thanks again,Ronda Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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