Thank you to all here

[kendi]

I would like to thank everyone here for being so kind and sharing, it helps so much. I miss Kenny so much more then before. People tell me it would get easier, well sometimes I believe it gets harder. He was my heart and soul, the one I knew was the right one, We talked about how we would be when we got older and that will never happen. I know he can not help leaving, God has a plan for everyone. I just wished it would have been longer than the almost 12 years we had together, although he gave me a lifetime of happiness in those years. It seems like I get more and more down than before seems like all was good til our anniversary and he was not here. That was the day I lost it all, I was fine til then. I could handle it I am strong but now well seems like down hill now. My baby is not here to hold me, kiss me, laugh and play with me. We had that puppy love feeling all those years and never lost it we never walked by each other without a touch, a word, a hug, or kiss. He will always be in my heart and memories just wished he was here in person. May God and his blessing be with us all and thank you for being there it helps so much even tho I so wished we never had to use this site.

[Mdanielson4]

Kendi, This site does help me but I am so tired of being alone. I want to hold my loving wife again; I want to be able to fall asleep with her in my arms. I sleep next to one of her shirts. I miss her smile, her laugh. I want my Mary back. 32 years we were inseparable. I was with her shopping. We went everywhere together. We worked together. We have 3 kids 5 grandkids together. It just is so unfair. I wanted to be the one who died first. It has been 5 and ½ months, I have good days and then bad ones. It is like a cruel rollercoaster ups and downs. How can I continue on? I ask myself that every day. My kids and grandkids, they are what keeps me on track. Although they don’t live near, I have high hopes I will be able to someday be close with them. I know Mary would be disappointed with me if I don’t do everything possible to help my grandkids. I would give anything if I could have traded places with her, so she could be the one spending time with the grandkids. We have 4 grandsons and one granddaughter. We loved them all the same but I know there was a twinkle in Mary’s eye when that granddaughter came along. Mary had plans and she wasn’t able to do anything with her. No doubt she would have spoiled her and dressed her up like a princess. I miss her so!!!

Mike

[kendi]

Thank you Mike, I so know how you are feeling, I have my kids here at the house even tho they was not Kenny's by blood he was by spirit. I wanted to stay close to his his kids but for some reason since he died it was all my fault thanks to their Mom. Of course drama can and does happen in death. They stole stuff before he died and that hurt me but I forgave them and didn't even say anything to them about it. I just acted like nothing happened. Because, I wanted to stay close because of Kenny and they were apart of him so that hurts. I am not sure why they hate me. It just all seems like a whirl wind that won't stop. I called Kenny a duck because stuff that would usually bother most did not him it just rolled off like a duck in water. I feel like I am loosing everything but gained so much from him. just a circle I can not control. I have supportive people around but just no one that has been through what I am going through, and if i hear one more person tell me they know how I feel because their divorce was rough on them I want to scream. Not saying divorce can not be rough but it does not compare at all. as if I could compare myself to them because I never been through a divorce, I want to tell them divorce is easier at least my love would still be walking around happy and healthy. Just so many things but it is easier knowing I can relieve my thoughts with others that are going through the same pain. I read your post Mike and I know your Mary and you had the love I felt with Kenny even though he wouldn't go grocery shopping with he said I couldn't just shop and leave because I was all over the store forgetting this and that so a fifteen minute stop ending into a hour(ha ha). Thank you again Mike for being here for all.

[stargazer5510]

I'm here with you both. After 2 1/2 years, I've hit another rough patch and it's kicked my butt. Finding this site has helped me tremendously. Thanks so much both of you for putting feelings into words that I share and I'm so sorry for your losses. (((((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))))))

[Silvergirl61]

kendi- Having been through both, a divorce and now this, I will just say that I'd have preferred he ran off with a young and gorgeous supermodel, stole all my savings, and sent me nasty e-mails about it, than this. At least he would be somewhere inthis world, and not just gone. That is just my opinion, and it comes straight from my heart, so I don't mean to denigrate anyones pain or anyhting like that.

I can get through some days ok..others are like being beaten with barbed wire, and stones. I wish none of us had to be here, either, but this place is always on the list of good things in my life that I can be thankful for. SO are all of you.

[kendi]

Thank you again to all, Your kind words and knowing yall are here to talk to is wonderful!!! My heart,thoughts and prayers are with you all as well!! I do believe in time it will get better. I guess I am getting down also to because I had to pack and hide Kenny's stuff he valued the most which was not worth money but it is all sentimental for in fear they will still it to so not only did I lose him I have to worry about the things I got him for valentines day, Christmas, or just because I love him I get no sleep no matter what I take or do to help me. Thank you everyone of you have become such a special place in my heart and helps me more than you will every realize.

[paulaj]

Dear Kendi,

Five years later, I'm still sorting through John's stuff. It took that long. It is a painful process. When he first died, I had to worry about people stealing also. Nice, huh? This site has done more for me than all the shrinks I saw and I am grateful.

BTW, anybody on the East coast that went through that hurricane? We're back to normal, but other places aren't. Just wanted to see if anybody was hit hard and I hope their O.K.

Mandala

[kendi]

Thanks Mandala, it is difficult since we didn't have much!! It is helpful that others have experienced the same even tho I hate that we have experienced the same. I just sit here and wish Kenny was with me, I am so lonely. I have the kids and they are great and I feel like I am cheating them by not wanting to do much on my time at home. With 2 jobs, I am tired by time I get home but I am also emotionally drained. Loosing Kenny my best friend and love of my life has taken a toll, more than I could have ever imagined. I am not sure where to go from here. People say it takes time, your still young my head is a whirlwind and not sure how to handle. But as you said and i agree this site and the people on it has been more of a help than I can imagine. I just want to go back and know I can't. I hurt for Kenny he was such a good person and had so much to offer to others and did so much for people because he loved helping. Thank you all!! My heart also goes out to all effected by the Hurricane.