Memories

[Deesgirl]

I just finished reading an incredible novel this evening and one line in particular stood out to me which read:

"Memories are worse than bullets".

In many ways I feel this to be true. The tragic memory that will forever be etched in my mind of my last moments with Danny as well as the beautiful memories I have of our life and dreams together, which we will never get to share or experience.

I have had many times when I remember Danny with a smile in my heart - but I feel it is so short-lived because reality sets in and the feeling of a shattered heart and broken soul overshadows any light I have inside.

How can you separate the suffering from the memories??

[paulaj]

I remember saying the good memories are just as heartbreaking as the bad one. Initially, I think grief encompasses all emotions and memories. Over time my process just made distinctions. I didn't actually do anything - it just happened. In my opinion, time is the great divider and distances events. I'll never say it heals but it helps.

Sincerely,

mandala

[DarkDungeon]

I lost my love one just two weeks ago. Each night I treat myself to a memory. I slowly drag it out. I feel him. I remember what he was wearing. I hear his voice and the sweet or funny things he said to me. I laugh at his silliness. I write them down so I'll never forget or allow my mind to alter them. For now I hold on to pictures and memories. My only fear is that one day I'll run out. The pictures I took of him bring him to life. Like watching a video I remember what happened before and after. But will the pictures eventually become just still-frames as memories fade? The night I run out of memories, I hope he will exist in my own.

[Mdanielson4]

Memories pierce my being at times when they catch me off guard. I feel helpless when they come on. I have had someone tell me to put time frames on them. (That is ridiculous!!!) I cannot control them. I do not know how to control the memories. Some are very good and I would never want to lose them. The one that haunts me is when I was holding her and she died. I would not have wanted to be anywhere else in the world, but it sure hurts me when that memory comes on. It scares me so much because there was no way I could help her and save her. “I would have done anything to trade places with her!!!” I miss her so!

Mike

[llovern]

Deesgirl, in your message, you described perfectly how I feel about memories. I can't stop thinking of the last moments with my husband watching him take his last breath. Good memories are painful because they are just a reminder of my life with David that is no more. I hope one day I can remember the good times we shared and feel good instead of heartbroken. I wish that for all of us here.

[stargazer5510]

Memories pierce my being at times when they catch me off guard. I feel helpless when they come on. I have had someone tell me to put time frames on them. (That is ridiculous!!!) I cannot control them. I do not know how to control the memories. Some are very good and I would never want to lose them. The one that haunts me is when I was holding her and she died. I would not have wanted to be anywhere else in the world, but it sure hurts me when that memory comes on. It scares me so much because there was no way I could help her and save her. “I would have done anything to trade places with her!!!” I miss her so!

Mike

I''m typing through tears. My last really perfect memory of Gene is a sweet, warm, beautiful kiss at the hospital. But my last actual memory is him lying on the floor and my desperate attempts to do CPR waiting for the ambulance screaming in pain with each movement because I knew he was already gone. It hurts so bad. Over time, the memory of the kiss is gaining power over the others, but there are memories of that day that I'm afraid will always bring me to me knees with pain.

(((((((((((((((((((((hugs everyone)))))))))))))))))))))))))

[gunnerswife]

I see him laying in bed cold and hard. it kills me. i try to remember good memorys but that one comes up a lot. I mkiss him so much

[gunnerswife]

I see him laying in bed cold and hard. it kills me. i try to remember good memorys but that one comes up a lot. I mkiss him so much

[widower2]

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[Silvergirl61]

I''m typing through tears. My last really perfect memory of Gene is a sweet, warm, beautiful kiss at the hospital. But my last actual memory is him lying on the floor and my desperate attempts to do CPR waiting for the ambulance screaming in pain with each movement because I knew he was already gone. It hurts so bad. Over time, the memory of the kiss is gaining power over the others, but there are memories of that day that I'm afraid will always bring me to me knees with pain.

(((((((((((((((((((((hugs everyone)))))))))))))))))))))))))

I read this, and it took my breath right away. I am so sorry! That is so much exactly what i keep seeing, that it frightens me. and they both were sailors. the world is so very small, really

[mavericks_goose]

I try to play the last sweetest memory we shared (we stayed in bed all day 4 days before he died) and it keeps being over taken by the very last memory I have of him. It haunts me every breathing moment, it's like my mind and my heart can't get past it, it hurts so bad. Then on top of it my mind feels like it needs to torture me more by imagining his very last moments on this earth where he felt he was so alone and was unaware of his own destruction awaiting him outside when he went out for a smoke. I want that image and that feeling to go away so bad, I loved him and was never able to tell him that in those last 12 hours of his life, as I was not allowed to talk to him at that point and all he and i wanted to do was just talk one last time. He begged his friend just to let him hear my voice for 15 seconds that's all he wanted in those last hours, and I was unable to give him that and that alone is torture. I miss him so bad and so wish I could go back to that day just so I could show up and scream it at him that I loved him and that I was there that I was okay and that we would make it through the next upcoming obstacle in life but I was never allotted that chance or opportunity and I know wishing I could go back won't ever be possible. I just miss him so much and wish I was able to tell him that I loved him one last time.