Lost my 19 year old son April 25, 2012

[yooper8764]

I don't know where to start! For the first month after loosing Steven it was very hard and for the last 4 months I hardly ever thought about him. Now in the last 3 weeks I've had thoughts of suicide, ended up in the adult sychiatric ward at our local hospital, and have been home from work severly depressed. I realize now that I buried Stevens loss this summer by staying busy and my thoughts are so scattered its hard to think most of the time. Im located in Michigans Upper Peninsula and feel like I'm loosing my mind. Can anyone help

[justinlsmom]

Hello and welcome. I too am new on this site. I am sorry for your lost, i know what you are going through... I lost my 19 yr old son this past August, it was sudden and accidental, I was afraid to be too busy, i wanted to feel everything, i read so many books advising that you have to take the time to grieve and that is what i have been doing, there are lots of people in my life who keep telling me to keep busy, but i dont want to be busy, i want to do what i want to do, i want to try and do this now so i wont have to go through even more pain down the road. I am only 2 1/2 months in, i dont know if what i am doing is right or wrong, i dont believe there is a right or wrong, i do believe your body knows what you need and we need to listen to it. It has been a hell 2 months, and i did resort, my husband and i to having a few drinks every night and sitting and talking, i also started smoking alot. My husband and daughter and i talk about Justin every day, it is very important that everybody feel comfortable bringing him up when ever they feel like it. I have just stopped the drinking in the evenings as i could see that it was becoming a habit and i am trying to stop the smoking, thats a little harder. The only thing i can suggest, is to slow down now if you can, take the time you need, talk about your Steven as much as you can, read the grief books, the do help. My husband has been unable to read up to this point, he thinks he can do this on his own, but the thruth is none of us can do this on our own, reach out to every body on here who has lost a child, see if there is an local bereavement groups, read, do what it takes to connect with others that are going through this, i belong to a bereavement group and all the moms get together once a month and talk about our kids, there are new moms and moms who lost their children 10 yrs ago. Like everything else in this world we are all use to getting things done, ie: christmas is coming, shop, cook, etc., get it done, when that is over, bring on the next thing to get over; but this is not like this, this is never ever going to be over, we cant "do it and get it done" this is the rest of our lives and we need to learn to cope with it. It sucks, I hate it, I just want him home but my rational mind knows thats impossible so I need to take the time to adjust to this horrible event. I will tell you, my husband is having a very hard time with this, men are not program to feel, they are programmed to do it and fix it, and its hard for them to show their feelings. He thinks he can handle it on his own, i know he cant, nobody can, i am just waiting for him to realize it. You need to reach out to others. I don;t know if this helps at all, other then letting you know there are other moms and dads out here going through the same hell as you. Please take care of yourself and reach out and get some help there are groups out there for you.