Sudden loss of my 2 yr old Son

[Elizabeth51]

I don't quite know what to say. My Son died over a year and everyone around me told me to talk about it, but, no one actually understands that talking makes it worse.

I'm going try. How does this website work? Do you actually enjoy/is it helpful to discuss what you're feeling? Does anyone actually care that the one thing that completed my life, that made sense, that was my reason for living, has ended??

I'm not asking for help. I'm not asking for answers. I guess I'm just reaching out to see if anyone, even slightly understands...

[stargazer5510]

((((((welcome))))))

I'm so sorry for your loss and the tremendous pain you're feeling. It's an unspeakable loss. It's not surprising you haven't been able to talk about it really. Where would you find the words. They just don't exist.

Yes, too many people will know what you're going through here. It feels safe to express the pain, anger and just telling it seems to help. My husband died over 2 years ago and I'm just now wanting to speak about my feelings. There's nobody I love I want to burden, and speaking about it here felt like a relief. And I've come to love the people who have found their way here. I hope it will help you.

I was never blessed with children, but lost an 8-year old sister in an accident when I was 16. I watched my father cry for the first time and watched the depth of my mother's suffering. They got on with their lives, but it changed them both. It changed us all. It is wrong and unacceptable.

[Angel'sSon]

Elizabeth,

I have been thru the same thing with people basically telling me to get over it. It's been a little over 2 months since my 30 year old son passed away. I miss him and love him so much. My life will never be the same without him. he has a wife and baby girl who just started walking and I cried just knowing Dustin wasn't here to see her walk. The night that my daughter in law came to my house and she told me my son had shot himself, I said omg...which hospital, she shook her head no, he's gone...I was in shock and couldn't even cry for hours!!! As of now this nightmare hasn't ended. I wake up thinking about him and go to sleep thinking about him!!! I found this site and please don't leave here...lt's helped me so much, but nothing can cure me losing my son. Still keep posting, I'm sorry for your loss!!!! I don't think there is an answer as to what to do. I just keep posting on here, cos I know people here care!!!! 11 days after my son passed, i was put in a mental part of the hospital...I decided I didn't want to live...I wanted to be with my son!!! Now I know I can't be with him and my days are dazed and wondering why and how!!! I'm probably not helping you, but I can say keep posting!!! Losing a loved one is very painful!!! I am doing good to make it thru each day after 2 months when my son passed. I get on here cos I know I'm not alone!!!!! YES, WE CARE!!!!!!

[Vijayabanu]

I don't quite know what to say. My Son died over a year and everyone around me told me to talk about it, but, no one actually understands that talking makes it worse.

I'm going try. How does this website work? Do you actually enjoy/is it helpful to discuss what you're feeling? Does anyone actually care that the one thing that completed my life, that made sense, that was my reason for living, has ended??

I'm not asking for help. I'm not asking for answers. I guess I'm just reaching out to see if anyone, even slightly understands...

Hi Elizebeth.... U r talking abt the loss of yr young child...here we have moms and dads who have lost their kids in there teens,,,thirties... before teens.... life will never be the same...I m sorry truly u have to seek this site.... every one here is broken and at the same time understand what it means to lose a child... I m like a Robot now.... i have become insensitive when someone says they lost their oved ones who r in their 60s or 70s.... Here I m...weeping for my 20 yearold.... he has not seen life... not enjoyed anything....just like a whiff ....went offf...... how i wish tohold him...hug him....hear him.... takk to him... wash his clothes... clean his room.... only memories.... Here every one CARES....holds hands....stumbles.... falls.... helps other get up.... u can b angry....sad.....depressed...here.... every one will UNDERSTAND....there r days i just read the posts and do not feel like posting....some days...when i feel like...i talk to people here.....Take care.....

[Angel'sSon]

Kiran, you are so right...I've posted here already and I feel the need to do so again. Everyone here does care. On here you can feel and share all the emotions. Being in a daze. wishing this nightmare would end, angry, sad, depressed...ect....I get on here and look at the pictures of my 30 yr old son in my gallary and think why me!!!! We all think the same thing...why us!!! There is no answer!!! I will never understand how my son and best friend could be taken without me getting to say, I love you son one more time!!!! I hurt and cry everyday. My Dustin at 30 yrs old went away so suddenly. I hate it everyday, but something keeps me going. One thing is being on here all hours of the night and day. You don't even have to post, Just read all the other posts!!! It just helps me knowing that here other ones are with you in the same place. I would give anything if we weren't on this site, but we somehow found it. I do understand!!!! hugz to you!!!!!!!!

[Vijayabanu]

Kiran, you are so right...I've posted here already and I feel the need to do so again. Everyone here does care. On here you can feel and share all the emotions. Being in a daze. wishing this nightmare would end, angry, sad, depressed...ect....I get on here and look at the pictures of my 30 yr old son in my gallary and think why me!!!! We all think the same thing...why us!!! There is no answer!!! I will never understand how my son and best friend could be taken without me getting to say, I love you son one more time!!!! I hurt and cry everyday. My Dustin at 30 yrs old went away so suddenly. I hate it everyday, but something keeps me going. One thing is being on here all hours of the night and day. You don't even have to post, Just read all the other posts!!! It just helps me knowing that here other ones are with you in the same place. I would give anything if we weren't on this site, but we somehow found it. I do understand!!!! hugz to you!!!!!!!!

Hi Susan...I hv been reading all yr posts... I know how it hurts... I m weeping...crying....sobbing...sometimes I feel like just jumping into the same lake where my son drowned...I don't know when I ll actually go and do it... Just hanging on ....becoz of my elder son...my husband... Still loving to see my son once more... One more hug... Where did he go...where did our kids go?????

[Jeff's Mom]

((((((welcome))))))

I'm so sorry for your loss and the tremendous pain you're feeling. It's an unspeakable loss. It's not surprising you haven't been able to talk about it really. Where would you find the words. They just don't exist.

Yes, too many people will know what you're going through here. It feels safe to express the pain, anger and just telling it seems to help. My husband died over 2 years ago and I'm just now wanting to speak about my feelings. There's nobody I love I want to burden, and speaking about it here felt like a relief. And I've come to love the people who have found their way here. I hope it will help you.

I was never blessed with children, but lost an 8-year old sister in an accident when I was 16. I watched my father cry for the first time and watched the depth of my mother's suffering. They got on with their lives, but it changed them both. It changed us all. It is wrong and unacceptable.

The circumstances surrounding my son's death was horrible. The first year and a half I walked around in a fog of pain and attempted to block it out. I had other family members that needed my attention and so it helped to focus on their health problems. Anything but face what had happened. The mind can take us to places that we need to be in to survive. Disassociating was my only support. And I found myself forgettting most things. I would stand listening to others talk and find myself drifting away. It was a very hard period that was compounded with more pressure due to my MIL's cancer. When I finally did allow the reality to sink in it was awful. But as Dee has said in previous posts...we have to walk straight through it. There are no short cuts. None. I know I have said this before. I have found many times in my life when issues become overwhelming....well, I just accept it and decide to take one task at a time. The overall picture can be intimidating and frightening. One step at a time as silly as it may sound was all that got me through this. As far as others that do not understand the loss having a say in how you grieve...try to let it go in one ear and out the other. I know the intitial feeling can be one of anger and irritation. I've been there many times. But I have to check myself and say that they do not in all honestly understand what they are sayng. And let's hope they never will have too! The first year I walked around in silence. I could not play any music. Our home was becoming like a morgue. I walked around like a zombie. Nothing and I mean nothing seemed the same again. My priorities changed in every way. I guess that is a good thing. But what an awful way to have a wake up call. I can only say that we have to be strong. Lean heavily on our supports and be patient with ourselves. For some as tempting as it may be to lean on alcohol or drugs to blur the pain it will only in the end make it worse. Be good to yourselves. You've been through hell...and don't need more problems. This is a hard road to walk. Hang in there and stay strong.

Kate

[Elizabeth51]

Thank you all for your replies. Knowing that I just posted this last night and already people are here and showing their support, means a lot.

I seem to understand what many of you are saying. I feel like I am in a haze. I have a routine every day. I work, probably more than I should. I find myself trying to think of anything else just so the great hole in my chest will stay away a little longer.

I hope this doesn't affend anyone but I see that most of the people here did lose an adult child. I am sure that is incredibally painful and I can't imagine the greif becuase it is a different kind than what I am feeling. However, The things that make it hurt the most is how young my Son was. He never got to play in the snow, shop for school supplies, go catch the bus, play with his friends, make friends! He never got to fall in love or even get a first kiss. These are all the things I think of that hurt so, so much.

[BreathofAngel]

I don't quite know what to say. My Son died over a year and everyone around me told me to talk about it, but, no one actually understands that talking makes it worse.

I'm going try. How does this website work? Do you actually enjoy/is it helpful to discuss what you're feeling? Does anyone actually care that the one thing that completed my life, that made sense, that was my reason for living, has ended??

I'm not asking for help. I'm not asking for answers. I guess I'm just reaching out to see if anyone, even slightly understands...

Warmest greetings, dear (((((Elizabeth!)))))

Please accept my deepest condolences on the physical passing of your young son. Truly no one can understand what you are going through unless they have experienced the same. I have not experienced that type of loss therefore cannot completely speak from that perspective but I do know about loss. That's why we are all here because we have experienced a similar tragedy in our life in one form or another.

Yes, the majority of people who come here wish to talk about their loss and it does very much help to talk about it but only if you so desire.

It is because we all feel and know, just as you say, that the one thing that made sense is no longer with us that we can empathize with you on this. Others may have indeed lost a baby or small child and may be able to speak more in depth about their experience but I can say that any loss where a blood relative is concerned is a loss that is so deep that it literally touches the very recesses of one's heart and soul.

Your little angel will live forever because God lives forever and he is a creation of His. I am sincerely hoping that you will find the strength to go forward with your life knowing that you are not alone because God is with you at all times and so are we! If at any time you wish to post your heart out about what you're feeling, going through, experiencing, or would like to simply talk to us, please feel more than free to do so! That is why this great forum exists. Again, sharing with others can be a very healing experience unto itself because there may be things you wish to unload from your troubled heart that someone can respond to in a loving, caring and compassionate manner that will resonate right back with your heart because we care!

You may wish to visit the following fine websites that speak about the loss of a child.

http://www.bereavedparentsusa.org/

http://www.firstcandle.org/

http://www.copefoundation.org/

May God bless you always, dear Elizabeth, and keep you safe and sound. Remember that you are not alone! Many here share your grief and understand so much without you having to explain in detail.

--------------------------------------------------------

A baby or child lives in a Mother's heart forever!

The heartbeat that you heard before he or she

was born will continue to beat throughout eternity in your own heart.

Because the separation is so temporary, they will always be with you, dear Mom! --- BreathofAngel

[Jeff's Mom]

Thank you all for your replies. Knowing that I just posted this last night and already people are here and showing their support, means a lot.

I seem to understand what many of you are saying. I feel like I am in a haze. I have a routine every day. I work, probably more than I should. I find myself trying to think of anything else just so the great hole in my chest will stay away a little longer.

I hope this doesn't affend anyone but I see that most of the people here did lose an adult child. I am sure that is incredibally painful and I can't imagine the greif becuase it is a different kind than what I am feeling. However, The things that make it hurt the most is how young my Son was. He never got to play in the snow, shop for school supplies, go catch the bus, play with his friends, make friends! He never got to fall in love or even get a first kiss. These are all the things I think of that hurt so, so much.

Elizabeth...you are not in any way offending any of us. Your loss is unique to yourself. The age that a parent loses their child does not in any way diminish each individual persons loss. Love at any age hurts when we lose the contact. I completely understand what you are saying. My best friend died at twelve and even today I can only imagine how devastated her family was to lose one so young. Their lives were altered completely. I am so sorry that you are going through this. Stay strong. Thinking of you.

[Elizabeth51]

Warmest greetings, dear (((((Elizabeth!)))))

Please accept my deepest condolences on the physical passing of your young son. Truly no one can understand what you are going through unless they have experienced the same. I have not experienced that type of loss therefore cannot completely speak from that perspective but I do know about loss. That's why we are all here because we have experienced a similar tragedy in our life in one form or another.

Yes, the majority of people who come here wish to talk about their loss and it does very much help to talk about it but only if you so desire.

It is because we all feel and know, just as you say, that the one thing that made sense is no longer with us that we can empathize with you on this. Others may have indeed lost a baby or small child and may be able to speak more in depth about their experience but I can say that any loss where a blood relative is concerned is a loss that is so deep that it literally touches the very recesses of one's heart and soul.

Your little angel will live forever because God lives forever and he is a creation of His. I am sincerely hoping that you will find the strength to go forward with your life knowing that you are not alone because God is with you at all times and so are we! If at any time you wish to post your heart out about what you're feeling, going through, experiencing, or would like to simply talk to us, please feel more than free to do so! That is why this great forum exists. Again, sharing with others can be a very healing experience unto itself because there may be things you wish to unload from your troubled heart that someone can respond to in a loving, caring and compassionate manner that will resonate right back with your heart because we care!

You may wish to visit the following fine websites that speak about the loss of a child.

http://www.bereavedparentsusa.org/

http://www.firstcandle.org/

http://www.copefoundation.org/

May God bless you always, dear Elizabeth, and keep you safe and sound. Remember that you are not alone! Many here share your grief and understand so much without you having to explain in detail.

--------------------------------------------------------

A baby or child lives in a Mother's heart forever!

The heartbeat that you heard before he or she

was born will continue to beat throughout eternity in your own heart.

Because the separation is so temporary, they will always be with you, dear Mom! --- BreathofAngel

I don't believe in God and people telling me to lean on something I don't believe in does me no good. I know you mean no harm and I appreciate you trying to reach out, but this particular issue just makes me angry.

I grew up in a very religous and spritual household and I see it in two ways. Either God doesn't exist or the type of God that would take away all these precious children of these parents isn't a god of love at all but a selfish being that doesn't deserve to be worshiped. I know the scripture and I've heard almost every rebutle, however, there is no place for any type of god in my house, my heart or my life.

[Vijayabanu]

I don't believe in God and people telling me to lean on something I don't believe in does me no good. I know you mean no harm and I appreciate you trying to reach out, but this particular issue just makes me angry.

I grew up in a very religous and spritual household and I see it in two ways. Either God doesn't exist or the type of God that would take away all these precious children of these parents isn't a god of love at all but a selfish being that doesn't deserve to be worshiped. I know the scripture and I've heard almost every rebutle, however, there is no place for any type of god in my house, my heart or my life.

Hi elizabeth..

It's ok to feel the way u feel...I was also very religious...took my son Kiran also to all the temples...took bath in all the holy rivers..did Puja....now I am completely opposite...I don't pray...I don't enter any temple.. I don't ask for anything...if every thing is going to be a pre destined path...then y struggle with all the prayers ....or all such stuff....God has turned me into an atheist....want an irony....as to ur worries abt losing yr kod who dint see the first day of school...friends.....you know when u see from some ones shoes who lost their grown up child....u will realise...one thing the parents will be older....not able to handle the pressure physically....morally..nit having a chance to go for another kid so that u ll see the lost child in the new baby.... From the kids perspective....all they would have seen in their life is only study....parents being expecting them to see the child get married...have his wife...child...home...family...some one t take care when they r old...just to say hi mom..hownr u doing... U know the whole thing goes for the sixer..... Each loss is very difficult to handle...know that here everyone understands.... It's perfectly ok to feel the way u feel...vent out....((((hugs))) take care

[stargazer5510]

I don't believe in God and people telling me to lean on something I don't believe in does me no good. I know you mean no harm and I appreciate you trying to reach out, but this particular issue just makes me angry.

I grew up in a very religous and spritual household and I see it in two ways. Either God doesn't exist or the type of God that would take away all these precious children of these parents isn't a god of love at all but a selfish being that doesn't deserve to be worshiped. I know the scripture and I've heard almost every rebutle, however, there is no place for any type of god in my house, my heart or my life.

I hear you. Same thing happened to me in my first thread. Someone threw the book of Job at me. I find no comfort in god or religious talk. I hope this time they will get the message and stay away.

[Jeff's Mom]

I think that it is wonderful that we live in a society where we can fully expres our ideas. I also believe that we need to respect one another and the various views that we hold. I personally am grateful that my faith has given me a huge source of strength that has helped to carry me at my lowest points. To know that I will see my son again is basically what is keeping me going. If I did not have that source of comfort I'm not sure how I would handle it.

I truly do hope that you will find comfort in whatever way you can from your pain. I would not wish this heartache on anyone.Take care.

Love, Kate

[Angel'sSon]

I think that it is wonderful that we live in a society where we can fully expres our ideas. I also believe that we need to respect one another and the various views that we hold. I personally am grateful that my faith has given me a huge source of strength that has helped to carry me at my lowest points. To know that I will see my son again is basically what is keeping me going. If I did not have that source of comfort I'm not sure how I would handle it.

I truly do hope that you will find comfort in whatever way you can from your pain. I would not wish this heartache on anyone.Take care.

Love, Kate

I believe in God and Heaven and Hell!!! Since Dustin passed away 2 months ago, I've lost my faith and am still so angry with God...Why did he take my son. I'm hoping someday, somehow my faith will return but that's a difficult question as to when!!! I love and miss you Dustin...MOM

[Angel'sSon]

Hi Susan...I hv been reading all yr posts... I know how it hurts... I m weeping...crying....sobbing...sometimes I feel like just jumping into the same lake where my son drowned...I don't know when I ll actually go and do it... Just hanging on ....becoz of my elder son...my husband... Still loving to see my son once more... One more hug... Where did he go...where did our kids go?????

It hurts for all of us. These last couple of days have been really bad. Almost to the point that I just want to sleep and not get up, but I have to and the thinking about Dustin starts over again with the crying!!! You say you think about some days you feel like jumping into the lake where your son drowned!!!! That's not the answer...11 days after my son passed, I decided I wanted to join him and was taken to the E.R. and from there I was taken to the mental floor of the hospital fro 5 days. I knew Dustin wouldn't have wanted this from me!!! So, I can ask you to think about would your son want you to do this...NOPE I don't think so. We have to just facing the day and I know I still think about Dustin every waking minute. I have no idea when it willl even start to ease up...there is so much pain and still feels like a nightmare!!! I know how it wanting one more hug and Dustin saying mom I love you and giving me a kiss on the cheek as he always did when he went home. All that is helping me is knowing that we are on here for the same reason. We aren't alone!!!!! HUGZ!!!!!!

[Elizabeth51]

I think that it is wonderful that we live in a society where we can fully expres our ideas. I also believe that we need to respect one another and the various views that we hold. I personally am grateful that my faith has given me a huge source of strength that has helped to carry me at my lowest points. To know that I will see my son again is basically what is keeping me going. If I did not have that source of comfort I'm not sure how I would handle it.

I truly do hope that you will find comfort in whatever way you can from your pain. I would not wish this heartache on anyone.Take care.

Love, Kate

Kate,

I definately don't think worse of anyone that has those beliefs and I am glad that you found comfort in your faith. It's just not something I can believe in any longer. I've debated religion and faith with my family for a long time and I hate doing that. I think you're right. We need to respect each others beliefs and lifestyles and not judge each other for what we don't agree with. If something gives us the slightest bit comfort, whatever it may be, we should hold onto that.

[Angel'sSon]

Kate,

I definately don't think worse of anyone that has those beliefs and I am glad that you found comfort in your faith. It's just not something I can believe in any longer. I've debated religion and faith with my family for a long time and I hate doing that. I think you're right. We need to respect each others beliefs and lifestyles and not judge each other for what we don't agree with. If something gives us the slightest bit comfort, whatever it may be, we should hold onto that.

Peoples believes are how they feel and I would never condemn a person for their Faith. I'm still angry with God for taking my son. I just hope someday that I willl see the light and stop being so angry at God. I can say this site is the best one for me.

[AlfiesMummy]

Hi Elizabeth, I'm new to the site, trying to find a way to cope with loss. My 17 month old son passed in September. Like you I grieve not only for my son but for all the things he never got to do. I have no religion and have tried to listen to others beliefs but I personally cannot relate. People are telling me I must talk but I simply cannot do it. It is just too hard to face the reality. I have spoken to some amazing people on here who understand a sense of loss, children of all ages. I hope one day I willl be able to talk about him and the happy times we shared, although I don't think this will happen for many more years. Take care of yourself

[JD99501]

I lost my son suddenly. He was 15. There is no explinations. There is no answers. There is no end.

All I can offer is this artifical hug in words and the promise you can cry as long and as much as you want.

Cry in comfort knowing your not alone and we do understand

Do whatever your instinct tells you, cry,yell,eat,sleep,etc..........

Dont be alone.............never be alone. Always have someone around.

[TerryLip]

I lost my son suddenly. He was 15. There is no explinations. There is no answers. There is no end.

All I can offer is this artifical hug in words and the promise you can cry as long and as much as you want.

Cry in comfort knowing your not alone and we do understand

Do whatever your instinct tells you, cry,yell,eat,sleep,etc..........

Dont be alone.............never be alone. Always have someone around.

Hi Elizabeth (and others!)

I'm new to this site also. I also lost James very suddenly and I have to agree with this posting. Do whatever is good for you. I wish I could give you comfort, tell you it gets better. It gets different but never better because it never becomes an ok thing to have lost your child. But do reach out to others who have been through the agony. Lean on them. Somehow, although we each cannot stand alone we support each other. If you haven't already, try a "real-life" support group as well as this online group. You might connect with someone you can cry with.

just knowing I can reach out to someone has saved me from going mad sometimes.

My husband and I still can't talk about James without crying. But I can and I do include James in some conversations sometimes now when things are happening that remind me of him - and I want others to always remember him. So some 'talking' is easier than others, at least now. At first I could not talk about him at all because the pain was too much.

I want to say "don't despair", but I despair myself. But I go on. I don't know why. I sometimes think though that I have to go on because it is the only way James will go on. Does that make any kind of sense? Some days nothing makes sense but I remind myself that I do not want anyone else to hurt the way I do so I won't do anything to hurt myself.

I hope there are people who love you Elizabeth - people you have to stay around for!