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How can I help my friend with his grief?


bikergirl

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One of my very best friends was killed while riding a bike on Thanksgiving. Her husband is a wonderful friend (they were together over 40 years). He is having an extremely tough time coping with the loss. I want to help and be supportive, but sometimes he's so distraught that I don't know what to do or say. I feel awkward and I wish I knew what I could do to help. Is there anyone who can give me tips on how I can be a good friend to help him through this long, sad journey? What can I say? What shouldn't I say or do?

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Bikergirl,

The best you can do is just be there and listen.  Don't try to fix it or make him feel better - none of us who have been through that need to be fixed.  We need to feel what we feel.  And don't tell him he needs to move on, or that she would want him to be happy, or to stop greiving - these are all things that upset many of us when friends or family said it.

My friends who helped the most just listened.  They checked in every day just to see if I needed anything - offer to pick up groceries, or whatever - when you are first in this process it is hard to go out and do the basic life things, so folks who help with that are greatly appreciated.  But mostly, just be there.  Just listen.  That's the greatest gift you can give your friend right now.

Blessings,

Anna

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Most people in grief say that what people say is not as important as just being available for the person in grief. Listen ,be non judgmental hang out with that person if they want company. Hugs are real important because a lot of people are alone in grief and need the warmth of human touch. Stay around through the tears. Just being there for a person and letting them know you care and will help out any way will give a lot of comfort.

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