Members bkinder85 Posted October 15, 2012 Members Report Share Posted October 15, 2012 Hi there.I am new here, and not sure how to go about all of this exactly. What I am searching for is someone (or multiple someones) who have been through something similar. Here is my situation...When I was 24 (2010) my father died suddenly due to a massive heart attack. We were close. The loss was difficult, but I managed to get through it and have emerged on the other side of my grief a much stronger, happier, and healthier person. I was doing so well and everything in my life seemed to be right where I wanted it......then, about a month ago now, my mother died. She also passed away suddenly. This time around has been much harder for a multitude of reasons. First of all, she was on vacation visiting me in Pittsburgh when it happened. She was in ICU for a week on a respirator and I was there for nearly all of my waking hours sitting by her bed. When they finally took her off the respirator and things were looking up, she took a drastic turn for the worse and refused to receive any more invasive treatments. It took over 30 hours for her to finally pass on, and I had to sit there and watch it all unfold. I am having a lot of almost PTSD type symptoms regarding the whole thing. Not to mention the harsh reality of accepting that I am a 26 year old orphan. I have been put in touch with some local support groups, but there is no one there my age. Seems the groups are mostly middle aged+ or are for much younger children who have lost their parents. I don't fit in. I know it is hard to lose your parents at any age...but my parents will never see me get married (my dad didn't even get to meet the man I will spend the rest of my life with), they will never meet my children...it is a different situation. I am the "matriarch" of our family now, with siblings who are too young and unsettled for us to all be able to get together at my place on holidays (they live in Arizona). It is such an overwhelming situation and I know I am not handling it as well as I did when my dad died. I feel like I could benefit from having someone else to talk to/vent with about the situation who has been through something similar. I have a plethora of support from my friends, and I am beyond grateful for their love. However, none of them know what I am truly dealing with here. Is there anyone out there who knows what this is like? Who is going through it currently or who has been through it before? I am not religious and am not looking for instructions on how to find God's meaning in all of this...I simply want to talk to someone who can help me through this.So...?xx. BK Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members kristaleighbird Posted October 15, 2012 Members Report Share Posted October 15, 2012 I haven't lost my mother yet, but I lost my father to a sudden heart attack back in June. My mother has been my only reason for staying so strong and trucking along when I just want to give up. I can't imagine what you are going through right now. I'm sure the reason that you are feeling so badly this time around is because you're mom was kind of what you had left after your dad was gone. Like you said, your younger siblings are too unsettled, etc. I'm not 24 years young anymore, but I'm 32 years young , so I know what you mean about not fitting in. There aren't many groups around my area that I fit into either. I am married with two children, one five year old and one nine month old. I am forever grateful that my father got to experience five years of being a grandaddy, but I will be forever saddened that my daughter doesn't get to visit her grandaddy anymore, and my son will never know him. I keep getting reminded that he is watching and he will know my son and I can make my son know him through pictures and songs etc. Sometimes that makes me feel a little better, sometimes it just makes me mad. As much as it sucks right now, I think as time passes, you will realize that your dad does know the man you are going to marry, and both of your parents will be there through weddings, births, birthdays, etc. They may not be there the way we want them to be or even need them to be. But they'll be there. I may not be in the exact situation you are in, but omg do I feel you! Losing someone like this is the worst feeling in the world! If you need to talk, you can always post and I'll be looking. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members kristaleighbird Posted October 15, 2012 Members Report Share Posted October 15, 2012 Oh, and PS, I know what you mean about finding instructions on God's meaning, etc. I think we all figure that out on our own, and we just need someone to listen and talk to about what we're actually feeling, not what it all means. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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