Luke ~ Loving Son

[angelady]

My Lucas was born on May 2, 1980 and passed away on August 25, 2012. Such a beautiful baby with his red curly hair! Smart and full of so much love. Lucas was a State Certified Mechanic; if anything was broken and worth fixing, Lucas was sure to fix it! My mechanic is gone ~ my beloved son ~ my best friend and a responsible giving young man.

The pain in the pit of my stomach aches all the time. I'm not sure where I am right now. I know I've gone through the denial, the depression, the anger ..... yet I still believe in my heart that he will call me soon. It's all just a horrible nightmare! I wake up crying and cry myself to sleep. I wake during all hours of the night and when the phone rings my heart jumps as he would call me everyday just to see if I was Ok. I know he loved me dearly ~ when he {or I} would call....the conversation ended with an "I Love you Mom....and I would reply "I love you more!"..... or he would say I love you more before I could. Sometimes we would go back and forth with the I love you more for several minutes. Engraved on his Urn on the bottom are those words.....'I LOVE YOU MORE'.

The emptiness hurts. I just turned 59 years old and I am disabled. Lucas always took care of me or made sure I had everything I needed.

I miss him so much; his smile was intoxicating and his friends agreed.

Lucas was diagnosed with Type 2 Diabetes when he was just 17 years old. Although he was intelligent enough to know the danger of diabetes, it still advanced very quickly. The pain he suffered with his legs and feet would hurt me seeing him like that and nothing helped him. He began to have seizures several months prior to his death.

Hard for me to speak the word.... I type it, look at it and it doesn't seem real.

I am Catholic but through the years my religious beliefs dwindled some. What is the most favorite of quotes when one hurts or is in trouble? "Oh my GOD"! AND now I can't seem to get any comfort from my religious beliefs. I feel so alone and find it's hard to pray. I haven't forgotten....I do it all the time but I want my son back, praying for him is so real and cold.....

I'm confused and living alone with hardly no one to talk to makes my loss very difficult to deal with. I'm a medical mess myself and I don't care much about taking care of me.

Parents are not supposed to outlive their children! I hear so much that 'time heals all'. For me, each day is worse than the previous day.

I'm hoping to share with others and hopefully someone out there has some good answers to offer.

Jan

[EleanorG]

I am so sorry I can't give your answers...NO, parents are not supposed to outlive their children. I too lost my only child, my son and it is the most devastating thing that has ever happened to me. I live alone also but thankfully have reasonable health for my age. I wish I could give you the answers...It has been 3 years and 5 months since his death. My only solution is to find a place in my heart and mind that I can live with this. Know that I care and if I can help...I am here

[Angel'sSon]

Jan, my son passed away on Aug. 15th, 2012. He was 30 yrs.old and my best friend!!! Even now, it's still so unreal!!! Everything you wrote is totally how I feel!! I ask, God why!! Dustin was so protective of me, if he didn't know where I was, my cell phone would ring and ring. He was so afraid something would happen to me. You are right about this being a nightmare!!! Denial, depression, anger...ect. I thought the same thing, that parents aren't suppose to outlive their children!!! Grieving hits each person different!! That scares me with each day getting worse!!! There are days that i feel my son is going to knock on my door or call me...then reality hits and I'm just in a daze again. Like watching T.V. I'm watching it, but I have no idea what I'm watching!!!! Sitting and staring just thinking from the time I get up til the time I go to bed about Dustin!! Sorry for your loss!!! We are on here for the same reason, just to write and get it all out!!! Just keep posting!!!!

[JD's Mom, Becky]

deleted

[Vijayabanu]

Hi Jan! I m sorry for the loss of yr son... Any other kind of pain or grief....time might heal...this is one hurt which we ll have to endure bcoz there is no cure....we all find our life tipsy turvy in a single moment... We know the empty feeling in the stomach...the sleepless nights....the purposeless road....empty ...barren... Devoid of festivities .... The BIG Question WHY???? wHY ME??? wHY My SON ....have no answers....just knowing therenr so many parents here....all going thru the same feelings...tell u motherhood is universal....I have started thinking that GOD gave 20 years of happiness with my son....I feel better compared tompeople who don't know what's motherhood...what its to be loved...to love... Unconditionally.... Hugs...take care

[Angel'sSon]

Hi, I am Becky, Mom of Jared (J. D.),15 year old son, that was killed a year ago, when a SUV hit him from behind while he was skateboarding only 1/4 mile from our driveway. I wanted to reach out and invite all of you to post on the Loss of An Adult Child forum, as it is very active, and all parents are welcome there, no matter the age of your child that you are grieving. I have found it very helpful to put my thoughts out there, and have people that really get how you are feeling, and many, who have been on this list for years, will reach back to you with comfort and really good advice. Please join us there.

I've had a really bad day...mom called me and knew i was drinking and she said that she would handle that tomorrow. I'm wondering if she is going to put me back in the mental ward of the hosptal. 2 months without my son...l.eave me alone and let me just to on!!!! My son passed away 2 months ago..he was my son and my friend. I want him back, but I know it can't happen. We were bestfriends and he was my protector. I love and miss him so bad!!!! Becky, sorry for the loss of your son. It's a nightmare to me and I just want to wake up. Not going to happen!!!!!

[angelady]

Greetings to All .... and those who have replied to my post.

It's been just seven weeks since Luke passed. It seems like yesterday though; I can't believe that he's been gone now for almost two months. Not getting any easier~though I never thought it would. I know many may have thoughts similar to mine and lately I wish I could be with him now. I've nothing left to live for. Just the memories and I will always re-run them through my thoughts and keep them close to my heart.

All the different emotions is what's hard for me. I feel as if the handful of people I do know just don't understand; it feels as if they are afraid to talk to me now. I have a wonderful sister and she has never been a mother. She is a strong woman and though I love her very much I must say that she can be a bit cold at times. Just this past Saturday I stopped by her house; I thought I could feel comfortable there and just sit and cry if I had to. I began to cry and she actually told me to 'STOP IT'!!! She will call and say are you Ok? I respond with a "no".....she then says..."whats wrong"? Are you kidding me? Whats wrong? She was supposed to come over this afternoon and right when she was expected the phone rang ~ it was her ...."I won't be coming over" I burst out crying and yelling at her.....here I am so lonely and need a hug, conversation.... something and she isn't there for me. When her husband past away some 16 years ago I stayed with her the first week. I had my family to care for and I was working but still found the time to go over her house.....40 miles round trip just to be there for her.

Not that I'm thinking she should be here 24/7 for me, but as far as she is concerned..... I should be over this by now! Well we are definitely different in a lot of ways; after her husband passed away, she was in a relationship with her Boss and they soon married. Some people just carry on like brave little soldiers where others are crippled for life over their loss.

I cried so hard last night that I became sick to my stomach. I read others posts where they experience their departed talking to them or they feel them. I've been looking, hoping and wanting a sign from Luke. If he could I know he would.

I listened to the video someone downloaded by Westlife. OMG their music is so beautiful. My Luke loved music ~ Any kind, all the time and had a stereo system that the neighbors didn't appreciate! LOL! I have so many CD's that Luke burned for me and each time I play them the tears come.

Another night to deal with tonight. I pray I can dream of him. I miss him so much!!

[cas1984]

Jan I feel like I typed all of that. Im disabled my son came over everyday or called to see if I am ok typing the words death died or anything negative pertaining to my 27 yr old son going to sleep not waking up recovering pain pill addict hurts. Beyond words. I have nobody to talk too Im loaded w heart ache and dark thoughts cant sleep cant imagine life without him.My closest friend on here became a daiily supporter fb friend My Susan her son took his life her and I feel we got connected thru our boys knowing how weak and alone we are but yesterday she said her last words to me at 2:15 I didnt reply till 4 but I was too late her posts on fb werent covering my wall and im hoping her family got the court order for her much understood dark thoughts like me to be w her son.. Know Im here for you and if u have fb Im bunny cordova bunny2u661@aol.com Im here for u i get ur pain i understand ur sick feeling ur denial ur emptiness. Hugz Bunny

[Angel'sSon]

Greetings to All .... and those who have replied to my post.

It's been just seven weeks since Luke passed. It seems like yesterday though; I can't believe that he's been gone now for almost two months. Not getting any easier~though I never thought it would. I know many may have thoughts similar to mine and lately I wish I could be with him now. I've nothing left to live for. Just the memories and I will always re-run them through my thoughts and keep them close to my heart.

All the different emotions is what's hard for me. I feel as if the handful of people I do know just don't understand; it feels as if they are afraid to talk to me now. I have a wonderful sister and she has never been a mother. She is a strong woman and though I love her very much I must say that she can be a bit cold at times. Just this past Saturday I stopped by her house; I thought I could feel comfortable there and just sit and cry if I had to. I began to cry and she actually told me to 'STOP IT'!!! She will call and say are you Ok? I respond with a "no".....she then says..."whats wrong"? Are you kidding me? Whats wrong? She was supposed to come over this afternoon and right when she was expected the phone rang ~ it was her ...."I won't be coming over" I burst out crying and yelling at her.....here I am so lonely and need a hug, conversation.... something and she isn't there for me. When her husband past away some 16 years ago I stayed with her the first week. I had my family to care for and I was working but still found the time to go over her house.....40 miles round trip just to be there for her.

Not that I'm thinking she should be here 24/7 for me, but as far as she is concerned..... I should be over this by now! Well we are definitely different in a lot of ways; after her husband passed away, she was in a relationship with her Boss and they soon married. Some people just carry on like brave little soldiers where others are crippled for life over their loss.

I cried so hard last night that I became sick to my stomach. I read others posts where they experience their departed talking to them or they feel them. I've been looking, hoping and wanting a sign from Luke. If he could I know he would.

I listened to the video someone downloaded by Westlife. OMG their music is so beautiful. My Luke loved music ~ Any kind, all the time and had a stereo system that the neighbors didn't appreciate! LOL! I have so many CD's that Luke burned for me and each time I play them the tears come.

Another night to deal with tonight. I pray I can dream of him. I miss him so much!!

So sorry for your Luke...

My son passed away at 30 yrs. old 2 months ago.August 15th, 2012 is when he passed. I miss him so much. He was my best friend. I still feel like I'm in a daze and just wanting him back!!!! Having our children gone is such a bad feeling. I feel I want to wake up and Dustin will be with me...No it's not going to happen!!! I love my son so much...He had a wife and baby girl, 10 months old. Some days I don't know how I will make it, but I guess I have to. So sorry for your loss!!!!! You talk about praying...I'm so angry with god for taking me son!!!! I may not have good answers for you except to know that you are not alone. I have pictures of my son on my profile. I think about Dustin from the time I wake up til the time I go to bed. I thought I would go before any of my kids. Boy, was I wrong!!! Just keep posting cos when i read all the posts on here it may not help me losing Dustin, but it helps to know I'm not alone!!!!

[Vijayabanu]

Hi Jan.....I know how it feels when others don't understand this particular pain....those who have not been there......will never understand...... When u want some solace.....ur near and dear ones are the last ones u can expect........ It ll hurt u when u see the whole world going around normally when u r drowned in sorrow....... Just don't wast yr time getting angry or upset with others....concentrate on the times u spent with yr dear one... Once the mind is little calmer u ll start seeing the signs yr son will be sending to u....my son has been sending....comes in my dreams...hugs.... Talks....but only on days when I feel calmer and ready to receive the signals..... So ......let's take one day at a time.... We ll hold each others hand and stumble and get up and walk together.....I also feel like a robot......I died when I received the phone call telling me that my son's boat capsized......

Greetings to All .... and those who have replied to my post.

It's been just seven weeks since Luke passed. It seems like yesterday though; I can't believe that he's been gone now for almost two months. Not getting any easier~though I never thought it would. I know many may have thoughts similar to mine and lately I wish I could be with him now. I've nothing left to live for. Just the memories and I will always re-run them through my thoughts and keep them close to my heart.

All the different emotions is what's hard for me. I feel as if the handful of people I do know just don't understand; it feels as if they are afraid to talk to me now. I have a wonderful sister and she has never been a mother. She is a strong woman and though I love her very much I must say that she can be a bit cold at times. Just this past Saturday I stopped by her house; I thought I could feel comfortable there and just sit and cry if I had to. I began to cry and she actually told me to 'STOP IT'!!! She will call and say are you Ok? I respond with a "no".....she then says..."whats wrong"? Are you kidding me? Whats wrong? She was supposed to come over this afternoon and right when she was expected the phone rang ~ it was her ...."I won't be coming over" I burst out crying and yelling at her.....here I am so lonely and need a hug, conversation.... something and she isn't there for me. When her husband past away some 16 years ago I stayed with her the first week. I had my family to care for and I was working but still found the time to go over her house.....40 miles round trip just to be there for her.

Not that I'm thinking she should be here 24/7 for me, but as far as she is concerned..... I should be over this by now! Well we are definitely different in a lot of ways; after her husband passed away, she was in a relationship with her Boss and they soon married. Some people just carry on like brave little soldiers where others are crippled for life over their loss.

I cried so hard last night that I became sick to my stomach. I read others posts where they experience their departed talking to them or they feel them. I've been looking, hoping and wanting a sign from Luke. If he could I know he would.

I listened to the video someone downloaded by Westlife. OMG their music is so beautiful. My Luke loved music ~ Any kind, all the time and had a stereo system that the neighbors didn't appreciate! LOL! I have so many CD's that Luke burned for me and each time I play them the tears come.

Another night to deal with tonight. I pray I can dream of him. I miss him so much!!

[BreathofAngel]

My Lucas was born on May 2, 1980 and passed away on August 25, 2012. Such a beautiful baby with his red curly hair!

Dearest (((((((Angelady))))))),

I express my deepest condolences on the physical passing of your dear son. As you described him I could see him in my mind's eye just as beautiful as you say.

Smart and full of so much love. Lucas was a State Certified Mechanic; if anything was broken and worth fixing, Lucas was sure to fix it! My mechanic is gone ~ my beloved son ~ my best friend and a responsible giving young man.

The pain in the pit of my stomach aches all the time. I'm not sure where I am right now. I know I've gone through the denial, the depression, the anger ..... yet I still believe in my heart that he will call me soon.

I know all of those feelings myself, dearheart, as I still am going through that. One can never lose hope, however, in that contact will be made with their loved ones at some point who are, after all, just a heartbeat away in spirit. And the veil between our world and theirs is ever thin now that many things are possible and have been happening to really open the eyes of the general public!

You speak about wanting to get a phone call from your son. Just look at what happened to this person, among others in the world with similar experiences!

'Hi Daddy, I love you' - Engineer 'talks' to his dead teenage daughter after developing paranormal detection devices

By Daily Mail Reporter

http://www.dailymail...n-devices.html#

It's all just a horrible nightmare! I wake up crying and cry myself to sleep. I wake during all hours of the night and when the phone rings my heart jumps as he would call me everyday just to see if I was Ok. I know he loved me dearly ~ when he {or I} would call....the conversation ended with an "I Love you Mom....and I would reply "I love you more!"..... or he would say I love you more before I could. Sometimes we would go back and forth with the I love you more for several minutes. Engraved on his Urn on the bottom are those words.....'I LOVE YOU MORE'.

Oh my dearheart, I know the pain you are experiencing as again, I have felt it and continue to feel it in my own situation. The "I Love You Mom!" are the most important four words a Mother could ever hear from her son or daughter! And I want for everyone to remember that, unequivocally! Those who don't say those words enough will one day find out just how important they were but the chance to say them may be gone as their loved one may be gone from this world as well. Therefore, the time to say them is NOW!

And of course he loved you dearly, and he still does! Those in spirit retain their memory and can still relate to and continue to love those left behind because Love Never Dies! There are many articles that could be presented to illustrate that fact to you and others! Let me know if you are interested!

The emptiness hurts. I just turned 59 years old and I am disabled. Lucas always took care of me or made sure I had everything I needed.

I miss him so much; his smile was intoxicating and his friends agreed.

Lucas was diagnosed with Type 2 Diabetes when he was just 17 years old. Although he was intelligent enough to know the danger of diabetes, it still advanced very quickly. The pain he suffered with his legs and feet would hurt me seeing him like that and nothing helped him. He began to have seizures several months prior to his death.

Hard for me to speak the word.... I type it, look at it and it doesn't seem real.

I know your pain is great but the light in knowing that he is still with you should be even greater!

I am Catholic but through the years my religious beliefs dwindled some. What is the most favorite of quotes when one hurts or is in trouble? "Oh my GOD"! AND now I can't seem to get any comfort from my religious beliefs. I feel so alone and find it's hard to pray. I haven't forgotten....I do it all the time but I want my son back, praying for him is so real and cold.....

I'm confused and living alone with hardly no one to talk to makes my loss very difficult to deal with. I'm a medical mess myself and I don't care much about taking care of me.

My dearest, you must not be so hard on yourself. As a Christian, please know and understand that God does not make any mistakes when He calls one of His beloved children home. Passing-on is part of life itself and one we must all undergo when God is ready for us. Prayer is All- Important, especially at this time. Pray often for your dear son. He will hear you and appreciate your prayers and of course, God first and foremost will hear your prayers that go up to Him in the form of light beams.

As a Catholic, you may be interested to read what the Vatican had to say about communication with the departed.

http://www.after-dea...View.aspx?id=12

Parents are not supposed to outlive their children! I hear so much that 'time heals all'. For me, each day is worse than the previous day.

I'm hoping to share with others and hopefully someone out there has some good answers to offer.

Jan

Time, in effect, really does not heal at all as many have found. That is a complete fallacy, imho. If it did heal, we would not continue to feel the pain that is so prevalent and experienced as well as the continuous missing of our beloved. It would all be wiped out completely. But even after 20 years or even more, for some people, the moment someone mentions their beloved now in spirit, they break down and get teary-eyed and start to re-live the moments they had with their loved ones which causes those feelings to resurface all over again. So, has complete unequivocal 'healing' taken place? I think not.

What happens as time progresses is that people may learn how to handle the situation better. And that is the most that can be expected under the circumstances. May God richly bless you and keep you safe and in His Divine comfort.

----------------------------------------------------

Are you breathing right now and alive?

Then there's real HOPE for you! Don't

give up! Instead, give yourself a Chance! -- BreathofAngel

[Angel'sSon]

Hi Jan.....I know how it feels when others don't understand this particular pain....those who have not been there......will never understand...... When u want some solace.....ur near and dear ones are the last ones u can expect........ It ll hurt u when u see the whole world going around normally when u r drowned in sorrow....... Just don't wast yr time getting angry or upset with others....concentrate on the times u spent with yr dear one... Once the mind is little calmer u ll start seeing the signs yr son will be sending to u....my son has been sending....comes in my dreams...hugs.... Talks....but only on days when I feel calmer and ready to receive the signals..... So ......let's take one day at a time.... We ll hold each others hand and stumble and get up and walk together.....I also feel like a robot......I died when I received the phone call telling me that my son's boat capsized......

Jan, I have been thru the same thing with people basically telling me to get over it. It's been a little over 2 months since my 30 year old son passed away. I miss him and love him so much. My life will never be the same without him. he has a wife and baby girl who just started walking and I cried just knowing Dustin wasn't here to see her walk. The night that my daughter in law came to my house and she told me my son had shot himself, I said omg...which hospital, she shook her head no, he's gone...I was in shock and couldn't even cry for hours!!! As of now this nightmare hasn't ended. I wake up thinking about him and go to sleep thinking about him!!! I found this site and please don't leave here...lt's helped me so much, but nothing can cure me losing my son. Still keep posting, I'm sorry for your loss!!!!

[Angel'sSon]

Jan I feel like I typed all of that. Im disabled my son came over everyday or called to see if I am ok typing the words death died or anything negative pertaining to my 27 yr old son going to sleep not waking up recovering pain pill addict hurts. Beyond words. I have nobody to talk too Im loaded w heart ache and dark thoughts cant sleep cant imagine life without him.My closest friend on here became a daiily supporter fb friend My Susan her son took his life her and I feel we got connected thru our boys knowing how weak and alone we are but yesterday she said her last words to me at 2:15 I didnt reply till 4 but I was too late her posts on fb werent covering my wall and im hoping her family got the court order for her much understood dark thoughts like me to be w her son.. Know Im here for you and if u have fb Im bunny cordova bunny2u661@aol.com Im here for u i get ur pain i understand ur sick feeling ur denial ur emptiness. Hugz Bunny

Bunny you know I luv ya!!!!!!