So here's my story...

[kristaleighbird]

To anyone that wants to do some reading:

My father and I were two peas in a pod. We were very, very close. I was his first born daughter. We never went more than two days without talking, and I talked to him about everything...and I mean everything. We were exactly alike, including being stubborn and having hot tempers. But we were oh so close. On 6/11/12, I lost my father to a very sudden, very unexpected heart attack at the age of 60. A year and 1/2 ago, he had an exam where the doctors raved about what good condition his heart, lungs, etc. were in. Then all of a sudden, he's dead from a heart attack? I was able to say a prayer with him and for him right after he died, and I felt like that gave me a little bit of closure, that and the fact that we didn't have any unresolved issues. I did all the funeral planning during the next week and held myself together for my mother and my sister. I even did the eulogy at his funeral. The night of his funeral, everyone gathered back at my house to be together, my younger sister included. Let me give you a little back story about the current state of me and my sister's relationship. Last year, she was living with me while her husband was in Iraq. For reasons that are too extensive to explain, I ended up having to kick her out of my house. Without taking any responsibility for her actions, she went to my father and told him basically that I had kicked her and her son out in the street with nowhere to go. To this day, I am still not quite sure what else my sister told my father that caused him to become so angry, but he blew up and ended up calling me to yell at me. Of course, being so much like my father, I yelled back and an argument ensued. Long story short, my father ended up blurting out that I had no family loyalty. I burst into tears and hung up the phone. A day later, my father called me and told me that, after feeling like an #$$hole for a day, he wanted to tell me that what he said was horrible, and that I probably had more loyalty to the family than any other, and that my sister must have been really aweful for me to have to do what I did, etc. Everything was cleared up between us and we went back to normal. Nothing was ever said of it again. That was one of the things that helped me through that first week...knowing that we didn't have any unresolved issues. We talked so much that how could we? On the night of his funeral, my sister got very drunk and is a highly emotional person in the first place. She ended up blowing up about something totally unecessary and driving som people off. I told her she was out of line and we all needed to go on to bed. Her response was to get in my face and scream, "You have no family loyalty and guess who else thought so?!" That crushed me. A few days later, I brought it up to her and told her how badly that had hurt me. Her response was, that it had been no secret, Dad had said it himself. She was sorry what she said hurt my feelings, but she wasn't saying anything that wasn't true. LIke I said, the only thing that had gotten me through the week was knowing that there were no unresloved issues to hold on to. I feel like she took that from me, like it was stolen from me. My mother assures me that it is not true, but now I don't know where to go from here or how to find comfort in my loss. I feel broken and lost, and I'm clueless as to how to fix it. I don't know how to explain to my sister after four months that what she said to me has made it almost impossible to cope with our loss while she moves forward.

Sorry so wordy,

Krista

[boydgoat]

Krista,

Unfortunately I don't really have any advice for, other than remember the source of the comment---your sister--and she is likely jealous of your relationship with your late father. You are so lucky to have had such a close relationship to him. It sounds to me like you need to put your trust into the words of your father, not your sister.

I unexpectedly lost my mom this summer. It has been very hard. I hope you can find the comfort again that you were feeling knowing there were no unresolved issues with your dad.

I hope each day starts to get a little easier for you.

Connie

[BreathofAngel]

Dear Krista,

I am very sorry for the physical loss of your Dad. I also know it must be quite painful to be going through a family dispute over things that should instead be healing. But things like that happen for a reason. Many times when people are very upset and angry they will say and do things that they don't mean to say or do and often without thinking and that will hurt the other person until there is resolve.

What should matter truly to you is only one thing in the moving story you have shared with us. And that is that your Dad forgave you for the anger and argument and as you say all went back to normal. What others think after that, including the sister who may still be fuming after being let go from the house, should not matter to you. That is her personal opinion rendered in anger. And again, what you know in your heart about this situation is that your Dad was forgiving with you! That is wonderful that he was! Now you must try to move on, holding on to that truth! Let no one stand in your way or try to thwart your moving forward again because no one has that right!

The other thing you should now consider doing, imho, is forgiving yourself. You have gone through a terrible emotional upheaval and have thankfully survived it, dearheart, and you now need to calm down and forgive the self. It is very healing to know that your Dad forgave you but the other half of this equation is that you must now forgive yourself in order to make it truly complete. And again, don't allow negative thoughts, innuendos, or words from others play into this equation. There are angry people out there who may continue to try to make life miserable for you perhaps because they may be feeling miserable inside with their own life. But that is a Personal problem for them and not for you.

Ask God to shine His Divine light upon you each and every day as you wake up and pray for your Dad and that God bring His healing unto you. He will! He is most compassionate with His children. Walk with Jesus always and as you do you will find that the problems of the past will heal as soon as your realize that you are not alone, that in walking with Jesus you have found a Divine balm for your soul. And with Jesus by your side, who else would you truly want or need to heal you spiritually and support you!

(((((Hugs))))) to you, dearheart. May God bless you and shed His light Divine around you each and every day and carry you through life's ups and downs with your knowing that you are not alone because you aren't! Embrace that loving thought and move forward with your life.

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Those in spirit still wish to communicate with us as we do with them. Watch for the signs that are ever subtle but nevertheless present! -- BreathofAngel

[immissingyou]

Was there jealousy with your sister? Was she as close to your dad as you were? Your sister can't take something from you that wasn't there to steal. You had no unresolved issues with your dad - it sounds from what she said that she does. And what may look like your sister moving forward may not so much be the case, may be a facade. I would suggest counseling to help you realize that it's okay to not like what your sister said and that she owns that - you don't. Don't strip yourself of your dad's apology and the wonderful relationship you had by giving voice to a drunken rant by your sister. I am so very sorry for your loss and I have no doubt you will find your way. ((hugs))

[kristaleighbird]

Was there jealousy with your sister? Was she as close to your dad as you were? Your sister can't take something from you that wasn't there to steal. You had no unresolved issues with your dad - it sounds from what she said that she does. And what may look like your sister moving forward may not so much be the case, may be a facade. I would suggest counseling to help you realize that it's okay to not like what your sister said and that she owns that - you don't. Don't strip yourself of your dad's apology and the wonderful relationship you had by giving voice to a drunken rant by your sister. I am so very sorry for your loss and I have no doubt you will find your way. ((hugs))

I think my sister was close to my dad in different ways, but definitely not as close as he and I were. He was a psychologist, and I followed in his footsteps and got my degree in psychology...didn't take up that career path, but we were both crazy psychology geeks. He always told me that, out of his three children, he was most proud of me (I was the middle child but his first born daughter). I always told him that he was my dad, so he had to say that and he probably said the same thing to my brother and sisiter. He would tell me that was not true, that he was most proud of me, because I always stayed on path. My brother and sister both had some issues with drugs and partying, and staying in school, etc. It took them a good while to get their crap straight and get back on path. He always praised me for sticking to my guns and plowing through school, and keeping my morals with me, etc. So maybe there was some jealousy. I just want to be able to make her realize that she did some major damage when she said that, but at the same time, do I want to keep wasting my breath? It's just hard, because I want to move forward with her and I'm trying to get our relationship back to normal, but sometimes when I just look at her I still get angry.