Members natalie07 Posted October 12, 2012 Members Report Share Posted October 12, 2012 Hi, this is my first time on here. I have not been able to talk about the loss of my daughter. I feel completely devastated after her death last year. She was 19 at the time she died. The worst part is I feel that it is completely my fault. I knew she was sick but I didn't now how serious it was. I had no idea that Sepsis and Ards were spreading slowly through the inside of her body. I have nightmares about it everyday. She literally began to die from the inside out while she was still alive. By the time I took her to the hospital it was to late for the doctors to do anything. They tried to get out as much of the infection as they could but it had already spread to her lungs causing her to go brain dead. I had the chance to take her but I thought it was only an upset stomach. I wish I could rewind time and take her to the hospital that first day she came home from school sick. I know suicide is not an option but the horrible pain and sadness is unbearable. I do go to church but I cannot even sit through the whole service without having a panic attack because the images of my daughter dieing are constantly in my head. I have begged God to please take them away. I don't know what to do at this point. Some days I feel numb and I am able to do some things with my family but most of the time I am in bed under the covers crying. The saddest part is she was a special needs child, I will never ever be able to replace her. My only hope is that I will see her again. I think I would have been able to cope better if she had died some other way without me having prior knowledge of her being sick. After her death I was completely in shock some of my family members suggested we cremate her. I went ahead and agreed but was not prepared for the emotions that I felt after receiving her remains inside an urn. I mean I would much rather have a physical grave to visit. So many things are going through my head right now but none of them will bring her back. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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