Members natalie07 Posted October 12, 2012 Members Report Share Posted October 12, 2012 Hi, this is my first time on here. I have not been able to talk about the loss of my daughter. I feel completely devastated after her death last year. She was 19 at the time she died. The worst part is I feel that it is completely my fault. I knew she was sick but I didn't now how serious it was. I had no idea that Sepsis and Ards were spreading slowly through the inside of her body. I have nightmares about it everyday. She literally began to die from the inside out while she was still alive. By the time I took her to the hospital it was to late for the doctors to do anything. They tried to get out as much of the infection as they could but it had already spread to her lungs causing her to go brain dead. I had the chance to take her but I thought it was only an upset stomach. I wish I could rewind time and take her to the hospital that first day she came home from school sick. I know suicide is not an option but the horrible pain and sadness is unbearable. I do go to church but I cannot even sit through the whole service without having a panic attack because the images of my daughter dieing are constantly in my head. I have begged God to please take them away. I don't know what to do at this point. Some days I feel numb and I am able to do some things with my family but most of the time I am in bed under the covers crying. The saddest part is she was a special needs child, I will never ever be able to replace her. My only hope is that I will see her again. I think I would have been able to cope better if she had died some other way without me having prior knowledge of her being sick. After her death I was completely in shock some of my family members suggested we cremate her. I went ahead and agreed but was not prepared for the emotions that I felt after receiving her remains inside an urn. I mean I would much rather have a physical grave to visit. So many things are going through my head right now but none of them will bring her back. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Vijayabanu Posted October 12, 2012 Members Report Share Posted October 12, 2012 I m so sorry... All of us r here for the same purpose...to hold hands...to try and breath.. To take one day at a time... As you know...each person comes with a predestined time....time to come...time to go...that's what I keep telling myself...be soft on yrself... I know the pain will never go away...the hurt will always be there...life looks absolutely meaningless... But still..we hv to carry on.. Going to church may make u feel still bad... Read some books on After life communications...reincarnations...there is hope....that we will be with our loved ones.. We r with them...rather they r with us even if we can't see them... All of us will have to live the guilt of if only....but for... That will not bring our loved ones back right??? Take care. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Angel'sSon Posted October 13, 2012 Members Report Share Posted October 13, 2012 natalie, I lost my son, Dustin 2 months ago. It's been a nightmare. You cremated your daugther. My last memories of my son are in his casket. Begging him to open up his eyes. I held his hand til the end!! When I think about Dustin, I see him in that casket. I can't even think about the good with my son. I have the pain and sadness of losing my son. Trust me, suicide is not na option!!! 11 days I wanted to be with my son. My boyfriend found me in the bathroom and I spent 5 days in the mental part of the hospital. Not good!!! All I did was hurt my family even more. I'm so sorry about the loss of your daughter. Please keep posting on here. I know it has helped me just to know I'm not alone. But, nothing can heal the pain and sadness right now!!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members natalie07 Posted October 14, 2012 Author Members Report Share Posted October 14, 2012 Thank you so much for your responses. I know that every single one of us is hurting because of the way our loved ones have died. If it were up to me I would rather have had my daughter in a casket to be able to look at her at least one more time to say goodbye. I did not get that chance. She was immedialtey taken away. I feel as though something is missing because of this. The images of her in the crematory are constantly on my mind. I have had countless nightmares of her calling out my name. When she went in to be cremated I called and wanted to stop them but they said it was to late. I had plans of having her wear a beautiful pink dress and fixing up her hair one more time. All I have is dust and a piece of her hair that I saved to look at. How can this be right? Oh God, please save us from this sad world. Kiran's mom your are right, the only hope I look forward to is the scripture I read in 1 Thessalonians 4:16-20 King James Version (KJV)16 For the Lord himself shall descend from heaven with a shout, with the voice of the archangel, and with the trump of God: and the dead in Christ shall rise first:17 Then we which are alive and remain shall be caught up together with them in the clouds, to meet the Lord in the air: and so shall we ever be with the Lord.18 Wherefore comfort one another with these words.Those who believe in God will live again!!!Yes Lord, I wait upon your promises. Come quickly and save those that love you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members JD's Mom, Becky Posted October 15, 2012 Members Report Share Posted October 15, 2012 deleted Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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