Trying to get on with my life but it keeps getting harder :(

[seekingpeace7]

I'm a 21 year old female and I lost my mom on my birthday in May from breast cancer. It sounds cliche but my mom was everything to me, she was my greatest and only support. She played both roles as a father and a mother to me since my parents were separated. After she passed, it has been nothing but a struggle for me. Unstable home, I isolated myself from everyone, I quit my job, I was staying with my aunt for a while until I couldn't take it anymore. Despite all the struggles and obstacles I've dealt with ever since she passed, something good happened to me. I received a job offer and it's my dream job- flight attendant. I have to move to Dubai in a week and start my new career but I have such a hard time getting myself around it. I've been wanting this for so long and when I went to the interview in February I was more ready than ever but now I just drag myself out of bed! This is a once in a life time opportunity for me and I chosen among 200 people at the interview (12 of us made it at the end). I just feel like I'm a completely different person now and I don't know how to get back to the motivated and happy person I once was. I miss my mom so much, each day that goes by is a struggle for me. Cold nostalgia gets me every time I now have severe anxiety and panic for no absolute reason. I find myself sweating profusely. My hands, feet, armpits don't stop sweating. I have mild acne which I'm trying to control and cover and I do realize that all of this is due to the shock of my mother having passed. I just really want someone to advise me and help me through this, how do I cope? I have something so important coming up, how do I get rid of my anxiety and stress? It seems to be out of my control. Any advise would be greatly appreciated. Lots of people don't understand what's it's like unless they've experienced it which is why I need to relate to people and feel not so alone after all.

God bless you all & thank you in advance

[ForeverRemembered]

You are never alone! Your mother has now become your guardian angel and maybe she had a little hand in getting you this job. Think about it...if your mom helped get you this fabulous new job then you don't want to disappoint her and not go. That is the way I try to look at things. I am always looking for little signs of my mom. You might be surprised how many things that you may find. I lost my mom on 09/11/2012. I am sure that your mom would NOT want you to miss this oppurtunity that has been given to you. As I was reading your post, I realized that you have missed the bigger picture. This new job IS exactly what you need to keep your mind busy. You stated, I don't know how to get back to the motivated and happy person. This job is exactly what you need to get back to your old self! Try your hardest to get up and go. You will regret it, if you don't.

I find that if I keep myself busy then I am not always "thinking" about things. Do you exercise? I know... Yuck, right? Even walking with some music on your ears will lessen your stress. Try it.

Please keep me posted on how you are doing. Always remember that tomorrow is a new day and that you are never alone. Turn to your friends and don't be afraid to ask for help if you need it. There are also support groups you can join. I am attaching an article that was on my Churches webpage...

A young stud is solo climbing a dangerous cliff. He does it partly for the rush but mostly for the reputation. He has climbed much more difficult faces than this, maybe he underestimated the challenge. Maybe he wasn’t paying attention, but he slipped and fell. Left hanging helplessly on the ledge, he didn’t call for help.

There were people above that could have helped, that would have been glad to help, but he wouldn’t ask. You can speculate all you want about why the man in the story refused to ask for help, but whatever his reasoning was it is DUMB!

Look, we all slip, stumble, trip, fall, or are pushed down at some point in our life and the wise and strong ones reach out for help in those times. Asking for help is not a sign of weakness. In fact, not asking for help is a sure indication of stupidity.

Here is a reality shift for you. People care about you more than you think, but they are paying a lot less attention to you than you think. It may feel like all the eyes in the world are watching you’re every move, but they aren’t. It is not that people don’t care, they care a lot. They just have a ton of things going on in their life that consume their attention. They would really want to help; they just don’t know you need it.

[Gina]

I lost my mom on September 13th 2012 to breast cancer my bday is September 14th when my mom new her time was near she stayed staring at that clock and I knew why she didn't want to go on my bday. I to have severe anxieties that started when I was a kid and my dad was ill. Later they became so bad especially when my mom got sick it was my worse fear in life to lose her. I never thought I could breathe without her she was my life line when I felt like that. But I learned that we can lean on other people out there that we are not alone. It may not be the person we want our moms will never be replaceable but I am surprised myself everyday just by getting out of bed. Moms only want the best for us. I decided ok if I get up and do this if I get an anxiety I get one I decided I had nothing more to fear you see our worst fear has already happened so you have nothing to lose by taking that job. Worst case scenario an anxiety attack you've had them before whether your in bed or at work it will pass I promise. I'm still scared alot and have anxieties but I try and think of what my mom would want me to do and that guides me.

Good luck

[kristaleighbird]

You are sooo not alone. I have always had anxiety issues, but after I lost my dad in June, it's like they're out of control. When I'm driving in the car, I can just look over at a big truck or something and think "Oh my God, what if?..." I start having extremely vivid images in my head, and sometimes I have to pull over just to calm down about it, especially when my kids are in the car. I have never really been a cryer, but I burst into tears at the wierdest most inconvenient times. I hate it, and I can't fix it. My skin, hair, and nails are in horrible shape, brittle and breaking out. I don't sleep at night, but all I want to do during the day is sleep. There's not much advice that anyone has been able to give me either to make it better or make it go away. The only thing that has been slightly helpful is something that my pastor told me. That is that you'll never stop missing her, but eventually you will get used to missing her. That's what will make it seem a little easier. Does that make any sense? I hope that it does. Nothing else will make sense for a long time. Just know that that's okay though.