why can't I handle anything without breaking down?

[karebear]

My company just downsized and I lost my job, a normally traumatic experience but something that is just a part of life. Instead of taking it in stride as I always have done I have a complete meltdown in their office. I am unable to complete even simple tasks and can't stop crying. I can't sleep and feel unbearable sadness. This is not a normal reaction and even though this is a loss of a job it can be anything that sends me into a pile of uncontrollable crying or anger. I don't seem to have much control over myself these days and although my brain is telling me that this has to do more with my dad's death than these events it isn't giving me any comfort or ability to cope with life. Is anyone else experiencing this?

[UnderHis Wings]

My company just downsized and I lost my job, a normally traumatic experience but something that is just a part of life. Instead of taking it in stride as I always have done I have a complete meltdown in their office. I am unable to complete even simple tasks and can't stop crying. I can't sleep and feel unbearable sadness. This is not a normal reaction and even though this is a loss of a job it can be anything that sends me into a pile of uncontrollable crying or anger. I don't seem to have much control over myself these days and although my brain is telling me that this has to do more with my dad's death than these events it isn't giving me any comfort or ability to cope with life. Is anyone else experiencing this?

I think it's a normal reaction given the stress you were already under. I almost cried today because I kept digging through my purse to find my house key and couldn't find it until I had almost emptied that large purse. I locked myself out twice while my husband was in the hospital, and once after he passed away. Thank God I found my key today. There's no telling what I would have done. You can only take so much.

[ForeverRemembered]

Karebear, You are not alone! I have forgotten to put a water bottle in my daughter's lunch twice, I was in the middle of dinner when I realzed it was my son's 3rd grade Parent Night and I arrived 15 minutes before it ended, and my son recently had a Birthday and I planned a sleep over, got the cake, put up decorations, but I never bought his PRESENT! My mind is just mush! I will forget to put the coffee in the coffee maker and won't realize it until I pour myself a cup of hot water. I can't count the number of times I have started to put a load in the washing machine and never turn it on. My work....don't even get me started. I am so far behind that I may never be able to recover. The anger was there too. I have had it out with my daughter's soccer coach, my husband, and my sister.

I lost my mother on September 11th. I re-live the moments in the ER, when she struggled before she went unconscious, over and over in my head all the time. She stayed alive for 2 more days and I was all by myself when she passed away. It has been very difficult to live my life as I had before. One day it will be better, and it won't hurt as much, but for now....I just wait.

You are not alone. You will never be alone. Your loved one is near. I know that my mother wouldn't want me to hurt and cry for her like I am doing.

It is normal. Don't be so hard on yourself. You said yourself, "a normally traumatic experience". It is hard and not many people take that in stride. Get lots of rest and allow yourself some time. Then, I know this is so stupid to say but there is some truth in it....When one door closes, another door opens. Maybe there is something even better out there for you!

[BreathofAngel]

Warmest greetings, (((((((Karebear))))))),

I hear what you are saying because so much of what you are saying and so much of what you are describing I also hear from so many people and I know it has to be tremendously hard to cope with. Yet because we are human beings and not animals we have been given a wonderful mind and a heart by God to properly guide us. Therefore, we know that even though we are traveling against a tremendous storm with an incredible wind velocity due to our loss, we can always place our problems in God's hands. When we do we immediately realize that hey, we are not alone in this. We did not create ourselves, therefore we do not have to go at it alone. We have the greatest power in the universe of universes by our side to help us walk this most difficult walk -- our Heavenly Father.

It is when we feel we must go at it alone and face the overwhelming obstacles that stand in our way that we are headed towards defeat. But the moment we turn things over to God, when we truly remember that He is there and has always been there but we might have just ignored His presence is when our life will start changing so much for the better! We will then know that we have the greatest gift possible -- God by our side! And what a comfort He truly is! He has said to ask Him in the name of His beloved Son Jesus and He will be there to help, no brag just fact! You simply can't imagine the trials and tribulations I have gone through. You simply could not. It would take a whole book to write and then some. Most would only read through half of it and would not be able to see the rest because of the tears flowing from their eyes, yet there's One I never gave up on. God. And that is why today I can tell you, unequivocally, that I weathered those storms that came so frequently in my life and even though I felt alone many a time, I knew I was not. I could feel God's presence telling me that I had to go on, that this was just a test of my endurance and faith in Him. And when I resolved to embrace that thought I found I could literally say to the "mountains" that stood in my way -- Move! And they did!

And so it is that we cannot go at it alone or we will literally fail. Our forgetfulness, etc. is all a product of our mismanagement of Faith. When one cannot stand by themselves, what do they use? A cane or a crutch, correct? Yes! Then they can maneuver much better than if they did not have it. And guess what? God is your crutch. He would never let you fall or fail! He will see to it that you remain standing and on good ground if you only turn to Him in your time of need, as I did. I made the best decision I could have ever made and know that today I am the Stronger for it!

May God bless you, Karebear, and give you much Strength and Tenacity to weather the storms in your life. Keep the Faith! Your dark clouds will soon turn into rainbows!

[Alexander Risten]

One of the biggest problems with our modern world is the pressure to "get over" grief as soon as possible. We simple have to keep going. Grieving takes time and we need time to allow the natural process of grief to complete.

@Karebear - Grief is not only limited to losing someone you love. Humans grief whenever they lose something important, like your job. I do not know how recent the death of your father has been, but the two will definitely be connected. What you experience is normal grief, and I suspect that you have not completed the grieving cycle for your father. The frustration is that we try to "cope" with grief by trying to function normally. Although this appears to be possible, it is not. The only way to truly cope with grief is to give in to it. To allow yourself the time to fall apart and process all these conflicting emotions BEFORE picking yourself up again. What you are experiencing is normal, although I would advice to find a counselor to speak to. It does help.

[karebear]

I think you may be right. I am going to take the next couple months to try and deal with my emotions and hopefully allow myself the time to grieve. Having people to talk to here has really helped, I know it is going to be ok, I just need to get over the hump somehow. I have tried to fit grieving my dad's death in may into an hour here or there and it just hasn't worked too well.

[Alexander Risten]

I think you may be right. I am going to take the next couple months to try and deal with my emotions and hopefully allow myself the time to grieve. Having people to talk to here has really helped, I know it is going to be ok, I just need to get over the hump somehow. I have tried to fit grieving my dad's death in may into an hour here or there and it just hasn't worked too well.

Grieving is not something you can schedule into your day. Grieving is something you do 24 hours of the day. Sometimes other activities move it to the background, but you are still grieving. Accept that you are grieving and that it is normal to "not be normal". According to my experience, most people think they must act normally while grieving. You should act like any person who are grieving and that is not "normal" in the traditional sense. Good luck with your journey... you will get there in time

[boydgoat]

Karebear,

I can relate to how you are reacting to things. At work things that would normally just annoy me or irriate me have me in tears, ready to walk out, doubting myself and my ability...... And I know that if my mom had not just passed away this summer, I would not be reacting this way. Grief affects everything in our life that we do. I have had to watch it when dealing with my daughters teacher. About ready to pull her from the school.....how much of this is is ampliefied because of my grief---some of it is, but I also know the school is messed up cause I pulled my son out and put him into a different district and he is succeeding instead of failing.

I think your plan to take some time for yourself to grieve before looking for a new job will be a good thing for you. some days the simplest things cause me to loose it, and other days it doesn't faze me cause I am in such a daze to begin with.

Good luck with all the adjustments.

Connie

[kristaleighbird]

Absolutely! I have never been a cryer. When I'm sad or have hurt feelings, I tend to get angry instead. I don't really cry during movies or even at my dad's funeral. I always make jokes and laugh instead. But after my dad's death, I end up bursting into tears at the wierdest, most inconvenietn times...like in my bosses office when she asked me if I needed some assistance on a case I was working. Instead of just saying, "Yes, I could use a little help", I turned into a blubbering mess. The sadness is just as you put it, unbearable. I lie awake in my bed at night, but just want to sleep all day, my brain can't latch onto a simple task the way it used to, and my work ends up suffering for it. I think everyone grieves differently and at their own pace, but there are a lot of similarities in the way we all end up feeling. Don't add the feeling of being alone to everything your are already feeling. I've done that, and it will drive you crazy. This website has really helped me out, literally just in the few days I have been a member. Whenever you need to talk, just talk, whenever you need to cry, just cry. My recent experience is that when I do try to keep it all under control, I end up losing control.