I feel numb

[kendi]

I am not really sure how to start this. I smile when I don't feel like it. I laugh and not sure why. I go down the road and start to cry but the tears leave as quick as it comes. My heart and chest hurt all the time. People say I am strong that there would be no way they could handle this the way I am. I feel like how am I suppose to handle this. I feel cold because I have not cried but the tears won't come. I want them to because I miss Kenny so much, he was the love of my life. But when I think of Kenny I think of all the happy times and the things he did to make me smile or laugh. We had such a great relationship, we finished each others sentences, we would do what the other was thinking, help each other. Just like last valentines day about a couple of days before he asked me if I was working on the 14th I told him, not sure why. He said I just wondering. Well Kenny was not about flowers or material things. He was the one that showed his love by holding me talking to me baking me cakes.so I was looking for a surprise well he came home nothing and boy was I hurt. I went to work that night just down and out. Well when I got to work, I looked up and saw him pull up. I was thinking what are you doing here and he pulled out a dozen of roses and a teddy bear. I was in total shock, and just hugged and kissed him then I asked him why didnt you give them to me at the house. He said well you told me you never got flowers at work before so I wanted to make sure you did. So how can I cry when he did everything to make me smile.Kenny will always be in my heart and I will always love him. He is in my heart to stay, I did cry before he died knowing that he was going to, I was beside all the way to the end I was kissing him as he took his last breath. I believe Kenny loved me enough to prepare me for this and lasted long enough to make sure I was going to be okay. I just don't know how I am going to be without him beside me. I will go on for him and the kids but it is hard and the hardest part is not being able to cry. I am so lost without him I feel so numb.

[lornes24]

The largest feeling I have is numbness too. And I also get all of those, "Wow! You are so incredibly strong!" comments. And it makes me angry!! My whole body aches with the pain of losing my soul mate. Everything is colorless, flavorless, dark and meaningless. I have moments, when I tell someone a memory of Greg, that tears will flood. But for the most part, I am just numb. I feel like it is just the shock of losing him. He was the picture of health, a former body builder, only 41 years old, and was killed in a tragic workplace accident. My soul died that day. And I dont feel strong at all. Just empty and alone. God bless you friend.

[barbiegirl77]

I lost my fiance, and I feel dead inside, like nothing matters.

[naty0123]

I feel the same way just NUMB and so LOST!! Life is just going on around me and I just want it all to stop. I still walk around not accepting the loss of my husband and until I can do that I can not move forward. I feel like I have the flu everyday...Every part of me aches and I cry everyday, several times a day.. I'm a mess! I am glad that this website is here to express ourselves...I lost my husband in May and it feels like a lifetime...Oh how I just want to be with him!!

[kendi]

My thoughts and prayers are each and everyone of us going through this loss of our special loves. I think that we all do grieve in our own way and at first writing my post, I kinda of figured I was one of the few that was going through it the way I was. I was relived to have found this website and see that others are going through it the same way. Not by no means do I wish this on anyone. I am glad that there is away to express myself and not keep it bottled up. Sometimes I feel as though I have to be strong because I still have teenagers at home and they need me to because they to have lost a big part of their lives. Kenny was so good with them but stern hey he was their dad he was suppose to be. The best part of it though he always remembered what it was like to be young so he knew how to be there plus steer them in the right directions. He was also such a big kid playing with them in the floor wrestling around. God I miss those days and I tell the kids the way to keep him alive is to remember what he was all about and how he wanted us to be. Because all is all all we all are is a memory to someone and to keep him alive we have to keep him in us forever. Thank you each and everyone for being such a great support to me and being here.

[Silvergirl61]

" Life goes on around me". That's it. I am just here, and I can't move, and life goes on...and I don't think I want to go forward...but I can't go back.

It's just an incredibly alone and lost sensation, no matter where I am.

[Alexander Risten]

You should allow yourself to feel numb, and be honest about it. Remember that you lost someone very important. The numbness will go away with time, but how long depends on various factors. No one experience grief in the same way. There is no timeline to follow here.The problem is that the world expects us to move on and be strong. When grieving we are not strong, and we are not suppose to be. We need to work through our loss, not stand tall and be a pillar of strength. What you are experiencing is normal. Be patient with yourself, it takes time.

Here is something you can try. I have had lot of good results in counselling with this method:

Go to a mirror everyday and tell yourself:

I am grieving! It is OK. I am not crazy, I am not weird. I am grieving because I lost my beloved ___________ (insert name). I grief, but I will survive. I will live again, because I was touched by someone special. I was touched by _________, and in his/her memory I shall live.Go to a mirror everyday and tell yourself: I am grieving! It is OK. I am not crazy, I am not weird. I am grieving because I lost my beloved ___________ (insert name). I grief, but I will survive. I will live again, because I was touched by someone special. I was touched by _________, and in his/her memory I shall live, but it will take time.