Missing the only best friend i had , my mom

[xoxolovely1]

My mom has always been my best friend, the only person i could talk to about anything . My mom became ill with walking pnumonia and heart disease . When i would hear her coughing i always told her to go to the doctor , but i guess she never paid any attention to it . Her job required her to do a lot of traveling so when she was coming back home we always spent so much time together . The last day she came to visit my brother and i she didn't seem to be her usual energetic self she wouldn't really look us in the eyes . I remember before she left i gave her such a tight hug and she just looked at me . Within a few days a image came to my head of my mom on the ground holding her chest . I became so sadden by that image . Within a few weeks my brother came into my room and told me she was in the hospital . I was just in shock and didn't know what to say . Not only was she sick but she was far out in new mexico . So my dad took my brother and i to go see her in the hospital , and when we saw her she was so heavily sedadted she couldn't communicate . I never gave up hope that maybe she will be able to get better enough to talk with us . She never did ... It was hard to see my mom in that way i cried everytime we visited the hospital . The doctor came and told us how much time she had left to survive and he told us it was pretty much of nothing . They broke my heart . All i was thinking that i never got a chance to know she could hear me say i love you . September 8, 2012 my mom passed away it seems as though the passing does not hurt the most as me not being able to ever tell my mom that i love her one last time before she left us . Now im constantly worrying if shes in spirit can she see me, hear me, anything ? I have no closure and that is what hurts the most . I've been getting emotional ever since the hospital visit and i dont think i will ever move on from this . I have no friends , my mom was my only friend and now that shes gone i feel like i have nothing . I just wish my mom would've taken care of herself better , i don't understand why she didn't just go to the doctor before letting things get worse. When i see pictures of her or even things she used to wear i start to cry . im 18 shes gotten the chance to see me graduate and even seen my prom pictures . I just wish she could be here to see everything else im going to accomplish in the future :*(

[ModKonnie]

I am so very sorry to hear about the loss of your mom. She may not be here physically, but remember that you will always carry her in your heart, and you are a very important piece of who she was. You are a part of her.

Sometimes, when I miss my father, I just talk to him, or I just picture him and what he would say to me. I honestly can almost "hear" him answer me.

I know this is so tough right now, but in time, you will be able to remember fond memories you've had with her, and you will be able to smile and even laugh about them.

Do you still go to school? Can you talk to a counselor at school? What about your brother and father? Do you talk to them?

You have come to a good place to talk to others. There are many teens here who have lost their parents. They may be able to offer you support and encouragement.

As you read through some of their posts, if you feel okay about it, perhaps you can reach out to them. We have lots of people who read these posts, but are emotionally unable to post back. They really do help others. And by helping others, sometimes, it helps us.

We will be here for you,

ModKonnie