too much loss in 2years

[MissGemmaRose]

hi all im new i hope i can get some help as i really have alot to get out.

so my whole story started 2years ago in june. my friend from school i was close with passed away as she had an accidental overdose... she was 18 and a week away from her 19th. that was the first person i knew ever in my life to die so it hit me hard. i dident have proper time to grieve for her as in july 3days afer her funeral i found i was expecting, so my whole world turned upside down me and my partner quickly got ready for the arival of our daughter and on 25th feb this year she was born. it felt like she was my saviour from all the pain but in july my grandad my mums side had a bad fall he was rushed to hospital but they couldent save him he passed way in his sleep ... then my grandad my dads side developed namonia and septiseamia in his lungs late july and he passed away at the begining of august ... i dnt know the exact dates as after a while it became a blure i was trying to raise my daughter and grieve without it effecting her. my parter has been great and been there but it hurts so much. now for the part i hope i dont get judged for... in june just after my first grandad died i found out i was pregnant again. it was such a shock and totally out of the blue. my daughter was 4months old and the amount of stress i was under and pain i was in now adding being pregnant to it was was hard. we was still trying to find our own place and get our money sorted and felt we wanted to enjoy my daughter in her first year of life and we wanted to be more stable so we decided on an abortion and that was just after my second grand died. i cant cope with all this loss. i try so hard to put a happy face on and act like alls well infront of my daughter and theres not much my partner can do ive not told anyone about the abortion and dont want to hurt our familys like thst i just cant let any of them go and it hurts someone please help me.

[ModKonnie]

hi all im new i hope i can get some help as i really have alot to get out.

so my whole story started 2years ago in june. my friend from school i was close with passed away as she had an accidental overdose... she was 18 and a week away from her 19th. that was the first person i knew ever in my life to die so it hit me hard. i dident have proper time to grieve for her as in july 3days afer her funeral i found i was expecting, so my whole world turned upside down me and my partner quickly got ready for the arival of our daughter and on 25th feb this year she was born. it felt like she was my saviour from all the pain but in july my grandad my mums side had a bad fall he was rushed to hospital but they couldent save him he passed way in his sleep ... then my grandad my dads side developed namonia and septiseamia in his lungs late july and he passed away at the begining of august ... i dnt know the exact dates as after a while it became a blure i was trying to raise my daughter and grieve without it effecting her. my parter has been great and been there but it hurts so much. now for the part i hope i dont get judged for... in june just after my first grandad died i found out i was pregnant again. it was such a shock and totally out of the blue. my daughter was 4months old and the amount of stress i was under and pain i was in now adding being pregnant to it was was hard. we was still trying to find our own place and get our money sorted and felt we wanted to enjoy my daughter in her first year of life and we wanted to be more stable so we decided on an abortion and that was just after my second grand died. i cant cope with all this loss. i try so hard to put a happy face on and act like alls well infront of my daughter and theres not much my partner can do ive not told anyone about the abortion and dont want to hurt our familys like thst i just cant let any of them go and it hurts someone please help me.

GemmaRose,

You have been through much suffering in a short amount of time. Of course you are overwhelmed and grieving, and you don't know what to do. Can you go talk to a counselor or professional? Is there anyone you can reach out to, perhaps a close friend and just sit and talk? Can you write down what you are feeling in a journal? How about a self help group?

You've certainly done the right thing in coming here. Talking about this all is a good thing, and it's a good way to sort through your feelings. So, let me ask you a question--Can you name every feeling you are experiencing right now? Are you feeling guilt, fear, loneliness, anger, isolation or any of these? Can you say one sentence about each feeling? If so, I'd love to hear about them.

We will be here for you,

ModKonnie

[MissGemmaRose]

GemmaRose,

You have been through much suffering in a short amount of time. Of course you are overwhelmed and grieving, and you don't know what to do. Can you go talk to a counselor or professional? Is there anyone you can reach out to, perhaps a close friend and just sit and talk? Can you write down what you are feeling in a journal? How about a self help group?

You've certainly done the right thing in coming here. Talking about this all is a good thing, and it's a good way to sort through your feelings. So, let me ask you a question--Can you name every feeling you are experiencing right now? Are you feeling guilt, fear, loneliness, anger, isolation or any of these? Can you say one sentence about each feeling? If so, I'd love to hear about them.

We will be here for you,

ModKonnie

Yh I am feeling all those feelings. I feel guilt about the abortion as I feel I failed as a mum that time baby was relying on me and I let it down. I also feel guilt as my grandad my mums side dident have time to meet my daughter. also I feel anger as it feels it just was all happening to me and as my mum and dad where going through their own process of grief and my partner was doing his best but I felt totally alone. I long to be pregnant again I got so attached with the pregnancy. I feel wrong as I don't know if I have the right to be so upset about the abortion ....

[immissingyou]

Oh honey - that's a lot of grief in a very short period of time. I suggest counseling or a peer group or some sort of outlet - even your local church. There is a reason behind all the loss and in the end will make you that much stronger. All that being said, it certainly doesn't make it any easier. I am so very sorry for your losses. It's not your obligation to tell your families about the abortion. That's a personal decision and a difficult one to make. Be sure to cry and be sad when you need to and get some of the anguish out.

[MissGemmaRose]

Thankyou for you help ... Xx