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Loss of a Grandparent


geoffrey

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My Gramp passed away Feb. 10th 2003. He was in the hospital with Pneumonia, and he hung on for a week until all his daughters could be there. I got to spend 2 hours alone with him the day before he died.(of course, the whole family had been camped out in his room,but it was early sunday morning, and I was the only one there.) He was comatose at this point, so I held his hand, and told him it was okay to let go. I said we would all take care of Gram, his wife of 65 years, and that we would all,somehow, be okay.

I told him I loved him, and to think of all the people he would be reunited with on the other side.(!) The next morning he passed.

i truly believe that people in that kind of situation have a voice. it may not be easily heard, but they choose thier time. My Grandfather waited until all his daughters had arrived, and his oldest had left to run an errand. She is fighting brain cancer, and I think he wanted to spare her the pain of his passing. What are anyone's theories on dying? I have worked in hospice before, and am curious about other's opinions. -Mel

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Dear Mel

I'm so sorry for your loss and your families loss. I think you have it pretty right or it's the way I feel. My Dad passed in June 04 and we feel he could have gone on my brothers birthday but hung in there for 2 more hours so my brothers birthday wouldn't be a nightmare for the rest of his life, as Dad knew he had enough issues going on at the moment anyway.

This is what I saw others might think different.

Geoff

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Thanks for your kind words, Geoff. It is a comfort to me to think of the special time I had with him the day before he passed. And i think he is still watching over all of us, as I'm sure your dad is watching over your family. There is a song that always makes me think of Gramp, it's called "I believe" by Diamond Rio, I think. Has anyone heard it? -Mel

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Boozhoo Ahneeshnah =(Hello, How Are You)

Well... i am truely sorry for everyones loss, i have also been in the position of loseing someone i love.

I lost my grandpa a long time ago, and its still affecting me. he passed away November 13th 1991. i was only 5years old. he was 50years old.

in my eyes, my grandpa was more then just a man being a grandparent. he was a (best friend, hero, father figure and a play buddy) even though he could never do things as ours fathers or some of our grandpas can do. because he was in a car accident when my dad 15 years old. he was paralized from he neck down, he couldnt use his arms, fingers, legs!

and he would cry @ night thinking (i would give anything to have the use of my legs, i would work in a coal mine for a living, or shovel horse crap) and i know that might sound weird, but wouldnt you give that much if you were Paralized that long of a time?

and when the depression finally hit me i was in grade 3 and i was only 10years old. and my cousin was useing a drinking and driving example... and he rudely said (Jen isnt that how your grandpa ended up Paralized and showed the class how his fingers were) "my grandpa never drank and drive," he made the mistake getting in the car with someone who was, but he didnt know.

and when the depression kicked in, i tried several times to end my life. i thought "what kinda world are we living in, if someone is gonna mock me about my best friend?" so from then on, i tried everything i can to end my life. just to be with him again.

it wasnt until i was 18 and was carrying a baby, and i knew then "i have someone to love again" and surprisingly she was to be born on my grandpa's birthday Oct 31st and when my Cousin passed on, i went and asked her parents if i could name my daughter after her (because she was like a sister to me) and they told me "they were honored" .... from now on, i realized what i was doing was a mistake. And the whole reason worth living is my beautiful little girl. My Grandpa gave me that much, and so did my cousin Tasha. they gave me a chance to be loved and love someone as much as i loved them in return.

so my point really, is never give up hope on your loved one. because there always with you. and im Native American Indian (Powwows) LoL,... And i believe in spirits. i didnt at first, but my grandpa appeared to me. and now i know he is always with me. along with my (brother/sister/cousin/grandpaz/grandma/uncles) I Know deep down there always with me. and watching over Tasha. so please always think positive dont end up the way i did, Depression is a bad thing to keep for so long. they need to be let go and feel like your ok! .... so god bless everyone! and always think positive!

Mundaquance = (Pretty Girl)

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PapasGirl1....

its okay to feel like your mad and angery about things, i have been there. My dad said the hardest time was @ my grandpas funeral. because when they were taking the casket away i tried jumping in there with him. and my dad said he couldnt bare to see me like that so my mom had to take me home.

but i made a promise to myself that would help me, say "thanks for everything, i know you loved me as much as i loved you, and its time to say good-bye" was i went out and bought him a headstone. with him and my picture on it. with my own money. no1 pitched in or nothing. it was money he was saving for me until i was 18. so it was his, then mine. and i went out and bought him one right when i got the money!

but i was also mad! like i said i tried ending my life because of it. because i wanted to be with him. i only have 1 grandparent left. and thats my grandmother. and she has to spoiled and greatful babies in her life. thats me and her son! ... and honeslty im not looking forward to loseing her. because how is that gonna affect my daughter? or me?! i keep thinking "am i gonna go through this again, after getting over it?"

PapasGirl1 hez in a better place, you just gotta hang onto the memories, and let him go. trust me. its not his fault, its not ours? it was his time, and his father and ours "lord" had called him home. to be an angel and watch over everyone in the world. and someday it will be us, leaving our familys and kids behind. keep your head up girl.... dont ever think the worst. and dont ever get depressed... god be with you! :D

Mundaquance

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Things have been getting weird for me lately when it comes to coping. About one year ago I lost my grandmother whom I was very close with. I've kinda had to be strong about the whole thing as she was kinda the pillar of my family and everyone has had an extreamly hard time with the whole thing. Guess I kinda had to put my own greif on hold while everyone else sorted out their issues. To make matters worse, about 6 months before she passed, my new wife and I bought the home which she lived in for almost 50 years. So many memories of Christmas, Thanksgiving and birthdays all wrapped up in the home. Needless to say, it was very difficult walking through that door the night she died.

I guess what is making it so hard, is my wife and I are expecting our first child in a few months. I guess it's just bringing it all to mind, because I very much wanted to be able to show my grandmother her great-grandchild. She would have been so happy and proud, and It just seems to hurt more now, knowing she's not around for it. Plus, with my family still seriously greiving, it's like the good things happening in my life come second. I don't know why all of this is coming to mind now, but it's been getting harder to deal with recently. Still not sure what to do...

Maestro

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Today was tough. It was my grandmother's birthday. She would have been 90 today. I really miss her. I watched a video I made of her 85th birthday party with my daughter. That really got to me . It made us laugh & cry all at the same time. I know she's well now & happy I just wish I didn't miss her so.

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madamcaptain

My grandfather died in Feb. 1998. He lived with our family and although I loved him, he ridiculed me and made me feel worthless. He even belittled me during my teenage years and in adulthood. I feel angry when I read the other posts in here because I'm sure not many other people were belittled by their grandparents. A part of me was relieved when he died - not just because it ended his pain and suffering but because he wouldn't be around anymore to torment me anymore.

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Madamcaptain,

I am so sorry that your grandfather treated you so unkindly. In some situations, we simply have to look after ourselves. I think you might be in that boat right now. Just give thanks that your grandfather has moved on, and can no longer hurt you. I think that in the afterlife, we are made responsible for our actions here on earth... perhaps your gandfather is owning up to his behavior now. -Mel

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Madamcaptain,

It is never easy to endure mistreatment from our family and I completely identify with conflicting emotions when someone that had treated me poorly passed away. It helps to get your feelings out and talk about them.

I hope you will continue to share.

Julie

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Hi, my name is Teresa. My grandmother died last year the day after Christmas - yes a little over 3 months ago - My Uncle died the week before. I am not tying into the current discussion I am seeing here and I apologize for being inconsiderate to others feelings. I guess I just want to share and deal with this a little better myself. Having a hard time on some days, and others I am ok. The last few, it has been nagging under my breath. Read a little note from grandma last night, and it was all I could do not to loose touch with what was going on (was changing my daughters ear rings - she is 10). I normally don't hold back, but my daughter is having a real hard time with the loss of grandma as well even though it is her great grandma. We were grandma's girls. I miss her so much - that sounds so funny to me as she lived in Montana and I live in Seattle, and I wasn't in touch with her that much anyway, but I do miss her. I guess it is the fact that I know I can't call her, and I can't write to her, and I can't tell her I am eating a lemon to make her pucker and drool like you have never seen. I miss my uncle too - but I guess his death has been clouded by that of grandma right now. Not sure what to do I gues - I am glad I found this site when searching for ways to help my daughter deal with her grief. Thanks for being here.

Teresa

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babiegirlaaf

My grandma died the other day and when i was out of state on a trip she was sick. i never got to see her before i left my parents said when i get back i can go and see her when i got home from my trip my parents told me that my grandma died. i could not stop crying for 4 hours they are letting me stay home from school because i tryed going to school the day after i found out and i could not get threw the day with out crying me and my grandma were realy close both of my grandfathers died before i was born so all i had left was her and my other grandma. every day now i have a hard time getting up and doing anything when my friends call me i tell them i cant talk i dont do anything that i love doing i quit clubs and sports i was in and i keep to my self and dont do anything or talk to any one

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My grandma died the other day and when i was out of state on a trip she was sick. i never got to see her before i left my parents said when i get back i can go and see her when i got home from my trip my parents told me that my grandma died. i could not stop crying for 4 hours they are letting me stay home from school because i tryed going to school the day after i found out and i could not get threw the day with out crying me and my grandma were realy close both of my grandfathers died before i was born so all i had left was her and my other grandma. every day now i have a hard time getting up and doing anything when my friends call me i tell them i cant talk i dont do anything that i love doing i quit clubs and sports i was in and i keep to my self and dont do anything or talk to any one

I am really sorry for your loss - I too lost my grandma in December. It is a hard thing to go through - though I am an adult it does not make it any different aside from the way adults have learned how to stuff their emotions. Kiddo, it is ok for you to be upset, and feel horrible. I still do too, and would expect to fo some time. You can see my post two below yours. Hang in there, and try to work yourself back into your normal activities. Know that your grandma would have wanted you to do what you like no matter what. Take care. Teresa

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Babygirl and Teresa,

I am so sorry for your losses. I was very close to my grandfather and still miss him terribly after six years. He was sick for a very long time, so it was a blessing for him to finally move on, but it was so hard on all of us.

I hope you will continue to share and let us know how you are doing.

Take care,

Julie

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rayteresa4

Julie,

Thank you for your kind words. I have been doing ok. Yesterday was the 13 year anniversary of my Dad's death - did ok, seems weird that it has been that long. Other than that, I have been so busy, I really haven't had time to feel anything. Sometimes I think that is my way of coping with things is to just stay busy, and not stop so I don't have to feel the hurt or pain. I know, not necessarily the best way to deal, but right now it is working for me.

Well, need to get going for now. Take care everyone.

Teresa

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I haven't lost my grandmother yet, but from the information that I'm getting it looks like it is only a matter of time. Quick background: I'm from Ohio, and my grandmother lives in San Diego. A few weeks ago she had a stroke which paralized her throat. She lost the ability to speak and to swallow at that time. She was in the hospital for 10 days, and regained most of her strength and her ability to talk, but once they moved her to the short-term care center and tried solid food she has quickly gone down hill. Tuesday we received an e-mail from my grandfather at 3am CA time saying that her blood pressure has dropped to 90/60. I have heard basically no new information since then. My mom and dad flew out yesterday, but due to bad weather didn't get there until very late. My mom has spoken to my aunt, but Candie has said only that they talked to the doctor yesterday and she doesn't know the details. She does know that they plan on sending her home on Monday, but that isn't good news. I feel so helpless being thousands of miles away from her and even though she is 92 and has lived a very good like, I just feel so selfish because I'm not ready to let her go. I'm her name-sake, and probably have the closest relationship with her depite the distance, but I haven't seen her in two years. I just really need to know that there is someone out there who won't tell me that she is 92 and it is time for her to go, and will just tell me they understand...

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cerenityfair

My grandfather died April 24th of this year and even though he was sick for several years I still wasn't ready to let him go. I live in Wales now and flew to Florida when my mom told me he was in the hospital (again). He died five minutes before I walked into the hospital room. I helped take care of him when he was unable to walk. I don't know, maybe this should have gone in the parent section since he legally was my father. Either way, he and I were really close. I miss him a lot now. I dream about him every night. I feel like this whole thing hurts too much and I'm odd or something for having it hurt so much. He was cremated and we had a service for him in Florida the weekend following his death. He is being buried in Pennsylvania today at a national cemetary with the full military service bit. He was so demanding and such a huge part of my life for so long, I don't know what to do with the empty space now.

So, I understand not wanting to let go.

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Cerenity,

I'm sorry for your loss of you grandfather. It will be hard for awhile, but you'll make it through.

Please take care of you.

Julie

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piercednpainted

i dont know where to start...i lost my grammie over a month ago and i feel like im losing my mind...i had to start counseling.....i miss her so much i cant stand it...i dont think i will ever get over this grieving she and i was closer than anyone in my family...well she is i mean was the only one left who loved me

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piercednpainted, my grandfather was very close to me, as your grammie was to you. He raised me, at least in the years I was not in foster care. My heart goes out to you in this. I hope you can find healing and comfort for your heart. Grief is a process which takes a long time. Only you can choose the steps you'll make, and when to make them. This is your special time. Please come back and write as often as you wish. We are here to help each other in the journey to healing.

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October 7 2005

It's the first anniversary Of Granny's passing. I've spent the last couple of weeks looking back at the past year, especially this week last year. The week I knew the end was approaching for my beloved grandmother. I remember it all in so much detail it's scarry. I thought I'd feel better than this at this point of time. I miss her so MUCH. There's a hole in my heart that's DEEP. I asked GOD to make a deal last year but he didn't give. So here I am feeling this great loss. I went to the cemetery this week & planted flowers to make her grave look fitting. I'm the only person in the family that goes there(along w/my husband). My grandmother was the rock of our family & now that she is gone I feel that I've also lost the rest of my family to. She was the glue that held us together. I hope I dream of her tonight. Good night.

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Hello everyone.

I just lost my grandomother last month due to cancer.

she was a strong woman, her love is forever to me, i am so lost and down.

i dont know if i can get better?

after my mom died when i was 12 , now at 26 , my grandma passes.

i love her so much,

she is forever in my heart.

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Hello all

I on my a different board for loosing my 7 year old nephew 2 years ago. but now i am on this one cause i lost my grandma on nov 14th. i am having a hard time with it. i feel so lost and need something. i just dont know what. i need to talk to someone. email me and we can talk mhillsrabbitry04@aol.com

Jenn

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(((Grandma Sis)))

I'm just posting this little note here to you as a "shout out". I hope you know how often I think of you. (That's part of the reason for my "wtltne, yss"). :) And one of, if not THE greatest compliment that I've ever been given was when Aunt Jean told me that I wasn't like Mama or Daddy-that I was like YOU!

FINALLY I understood so much! Your heart was SO BIG-always room for someone else. You almost didn't know how NOT to love everyone! Oh, that someone thinks I am ANYTHING like that...wow! It's THE BEST GENETIC TRAIT you ever could have left me, by far!

I miss you, Mama, Jody, and everyone so much. But I guess I'm lucky, because that's thanks to all of the time we spent together sitting at the kitchen table "shooting the breeze", I have a pretty good sense of who I am, insofar as where I come from, anyway. (Meaning my family, and our past.) And it was a powerful and clear enough message that even though most of those people who sat at that table are gone now...I VERY CLEARLY REMEMBER! And I am thankful for having been given that real sense of FAMILY. (I know a lot of kids these days don't have that!)

I guess that table's HUGE now in heaven-what with the three of you, Nick, Billie, Tink, John, Mable, EC and Helen, Bud and Jo, and of course Grandpa, whom I never got to meet.

SAVE A SEAT FOR ME! (I'll be there sooner or later-whenever the Good Lord decides.) And oh yeah-and there is one thing I reaaaaaaaaally want when I get there! (Besides a hug and kiss!) YOUR CHICKEN AND DUMPLINS!

:)

I've had a lot of them since you left. But even the good ones aren't the same, because they're missing a VITAL INGREDIENT: your love!

You were THE BEST grandmother I could have ever asked for. THE BEST GRANDPARENT, in fact-since you were the only grandparent I ever really knew! And I just hope that as I grow older, I'm able to continue to be like you.

(((Grandma)))

Give everyone a hug and kiss for me!

With the love that never ends,

your spiritual "little Sis"

(\O/) viki (\O/)

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Hi Everyone,

This is my first time at this website, I am a new joiner. Resently my boyfriends Grandmother as past away and I am unsure of how to help him deal. We have been together for 4 years now, and have a very open and strong relationship, but he his shutting me out when I try to be there for him. Two of my grandparents have past away, I do understand what he is feeling, but I wish he would open up to me and allow me to be there for him. I was just wondering if anyone has had a similar experience. Thank you all.

God Bless

Casey - casey_dowling03@hotmail.com

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Casey...men tend to grieve differently than woman. I lost my son 6 months ago and I've tried so hard to help my husband deal with his grief. I'm also trying to help my son deal with the loss of his brother. They don't want to talk about it. Most times, they just want to be left alone. My suggestion is to just be there for him. Let him know if he wants to talk that you will listen. Hold him when he needs it. My son does talk to a minister... sometimes it's easier to talk to someone not so close to you. Be there for him and let him tell you what he needs.

BettyAnn

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Guest Guest

Hello everyone.

I’m sorry for all your losses. My grandfather died this morning and since I’m away in college, I can’t go to the funeral. I found this site and reading some of your comments is helping me a lot. I think I’m still in shock, I’m ok for a few hours and then suddenly start crying and then I’m ok again. The idea of losing my grandfather hasn’t really sunk in yet. Is this some sort of repression? I’m just confused and don’t know what to do. I feel like this is all a bad dream and at any moment I’m going to wake up and give him a call and tell him how much I love and miss him. I can’t even imagine how it’s going to feel like when I do go back home and see his empty chair and how hard this must be for my grandmother. The only thing that I’m truly thankful for is that the whole family got together this Christmas one last time and that he was very happy then. I loved him dearly and will miss him very much. He was a great man.

So thank you for this great forum.

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Guest Guest

I have experienced great losses within the past couple of weeks. I lost my paternal grandfather on March 31,2006 and then on April 4,2006 my maternal grandfather died. They both died suddenly. This has been a very difficult time for me. I was really close to both of my grandfathers. My mother's father basically raised me, so he was more like a father to me. Some days I feel like I cannot go on, but I know that I have to be strong for my children. I believe that God does not put more on us than we can bear. I also know what brings the greatest pain, brings the greatest growth. This website is very supportive for people who have no one else to turn to. I ask that anyone reading this please keep me and my family in your prayers

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Dear Guest,

I'm sorry to hear of your recent losses. It must be hard with them happening so close together. It sounds like you have a wonderful relationship with your grandparents, so I know you have many loving memories to sustain you. It hurts so bad right now, but in time, the intensity will subside. You will be in my thoughts and prayers as you grieve your losses.

DeeAnn

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findingmyselfagain

Dear Guest,

I am so sorry to hear of your losses. I'm facing the imminent death of my maternal grandfather who is suffering from alzheimers as well as several other health complications. I'm glad you found the site.

I wish I had those magic words to make the pain go away, but alas, those words simply do not exist. Just know that you've found a safe, supportive place to share your feelings, tears, anger, anything. We're here.

Peace for the day, Strength for the journey.

Erin

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Guest Guest
Dear Guest,

I am so sorry to hear of your losses. I'm facing the imminent death of my maternal grandfather who is suffering from alzheimers as well as several other health complications. I'm glad you found the site.

I wish I had those magic words to make the pain go away, but alas, those words simply do not exist. Just know that you've found a safe, supportive place to share your feelings, tears, anger, anything. We're here.

Peace for the day, Strength for the journey.

Erin

Hi, I lost my grandpa 3-12-05, just 5 days after my 9th birthday. He died at the age of 74. I'm now 10 years old. Every day that passes by that reminds me of him ( April 9th and March 12th), it devastates me and I'm just a terrible wreck on those days..........

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I lost my grandfather when i was @ the age of 8. i am now 16 and i still cry when some1 dies in a book or movie, i also take a lot of thinking time now, i think about why i'm here and my purpose in life and althoguh i can't talk 2 my granfather sometime i will eventually b okay.

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nicolebrooke

Hi Guest,

I am more sensitive to death now also. I remember how much it hurt and the pain that will always be with us after.

You will definately get through this.

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Surviving a Heart Attack (just read)

This one is definitely worth your minute: I suffered a heart attack recently and I did one thing that brought almost immediate relief.

With all my strength I tried to stretch my body and overcome the bending position one is forced to when suffering a heart attack.

I put myself in supine position, put my STRETCHED ARMS TO THE SIDES at slightly greater tha right angle and stopped tossing and turning and moving my fingers, which I thought was the best way to REDUCE ADRENALINE – the main culprit of a HA. I felt almost immediate improvement in the depth of my breath, the pain the muscle cramp started receding. After 15 minutes I was able to stand up.

Putting arms to the sides looks to make the chest and muscles inside it expand and that streches the cramped heart muscle (like soccer players stretch their cramped calf by bending the foot to the maximum, just raise your arms above the head level and you can see it does make the chest expand). Staying totally motionless seems to induce a state of maximum relaxation of the body (which reduces adrenaline.) and muscles (including the heart muscle).

Please try using this technique when facing death. It can really help you and your relatives survive a heart attack.

Greetings

Andrew

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I lost my grandfather last year in december due to cancer, then in march i lost my other grandfather from cancer, then during this year on valentines day i lost my grandmother. I think about my grandmother more than my grandfathers and i've started having dreams about my grandmother. I want to talk to my parents, but whenever i bring it up my mom starts crying and i feel bad. I don't like talking to my friends because they say oh i'm sorry, but they don't know what it's like. The only person it seems i can talk to is my cousin, but we don't like to talk about my grandma because it makes both of us sad, and her worse than me. I don't know exactly how to tell my parents that i want to see a counselor. Any ideas on how to deal with grief and how to talk to my parents about a counselor?

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I recently lost my grandma 6-04-06, my grandfather died ten years ago. But it wasn't as hard because I was so young. Now I am 21. My grandma and I were very close. My parents lived out of state, and my grandma kind of took on that parenting space in my life. I didn't live with her, but for the past two years I saw her almost everyday. She was a very important person in my life. I loved her so much, and still do. I sometimes feel like nobody understands how it all feels. There are days where all I think about is her, and I just want to cry. Then there are days that I am in denial, and that she is on "vacation" but I will see her very soon. I know that these are all normal stages of grieving, it is just so hard. I also go through the stage of feeling guilty, because when she was in Hospice (she died of congested heart failure, and lived 2 months on Hospice) I was working full-time and taking 11 credits in school, in the summer. So I was busy, but still saw her frequently. I just feel like I could have spent more quality time with her if I had not been so busy. I know I can't change anything, and there really wouldn't be much that I would change, but feeling guilty is a normal part of grief. I just miss her, and I have dreams about her frequently. The dreams aren't happy though, it is usually dreams about her dying. This could be because I was there for the last 5 days as she died, and actually saw her take her last breath. This was also comforting in a way, because I got to see the process from the moment she started to get sick to the moment that the funeral directors came and got her. But I still think that seeing someone die like that is still upseting to me in some way. Thanks for listening and sorry it was so long.

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Dear guest,i can relate to your post ,my grandmother passed away Jan16,2005,then 2 weeks later i loss my son Nathan.I often feel bad ,bacause when she passed my husband was in the hospital,he had 1/2 his liver removed because of cancer.I to was the 1 person who use to go visit my grandmother at least a couple times a week,[she was in nursing home]and the one week i didn't go to see her she passed away.I feel so bad that she had to die alone,and i alwaysthink did she die of a broken heart,because no one had gone to see her for that week,was it because of neglect on the nursing home's part,it just seems weird the 1 week i missed she passed away...I TRY TO THINK...at least now she is in heaven with my mom[her only daughter],my grandfather,and my son Nathan ,no more pain and suffering,she is in a much,much better place...I hope you find some peace,you will be in my prayers,T/C,Kathy,Nate's mom 4 ever

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Kathy,

I am very sorry for the loss of your son and your grandmother. How old was your son? How did it happen? It is difficult knowing that you couldn't be there for your grandmother when she passed away. It is also natural to feel guilt, and second guess everything. I feel that way all the time about my grandma's death. I think that it was a blessing to be with my grandma when she died, as well as her 6 children, grandchildren, and others. She was surrounded by love, but it was also the most difficult thing that I have had to go through in my entire life. To see someone that you love slowly die, as her lungs filled with fluid, and her heart was slowly crushed. Thank god for my aunt who was a nurse (that is where she died- in my aunts house), and also for hospice and morphine. It is also comforting to know that she is no longer in pain too. She is with several of her younger sisters, husband, and a child that she lost. I find comfort in that. Sometimes I feel selfish though, because I think well yeah she's not in pain, but I still am. Well I bought a book about grief and death, and I think that having somewhere safe to spill my guts to helps. I hope that your husband is okay Kathy, and you sound like a very stong person

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Hi all. My name is Alia, 22 female from Pa.

My grandfather, who was like a second father to me, as well as a very best friend, passed away on Sept. 30, 2006. I miss him terribly. He was a beautiful person, a retired police officer, and such the family man. He and my grandmother spent nearly 50 years together. He had been there for me through my toughest times, and was literally one of my best friends, whom I saw on a weekly basis. He had been sick with emphysema for years now, but had handled it pretty well. He even drove, despite the fact that it took him an hour to get to the car (WITH his breathing tank).

He went in to the hospital on August 17th, came home a few times, but eventually lost the battle. From the time he went into the hospital until the time he passed, I'd been living with my grandmother, and either going to the hospital every day to see him or taking care of him while he was home. Although we've shared a lifelong bond, when he got really sick, I could finally give the love and support back to him, that he had been giving me my whole life.

See, I had life-inhibiting social anxiety and some off and on depression, but when he got sick, it's like the anxiety went away. Well, I was still anxious, but I found myself doing things I could not do before (such as, going to the hospital alone in the morning, talking to doctors and nurses,etc...heck, just leaving the house!)

I realized that my love for him was deeper than anything on this earth.

In fact, since I got the anxiety/depression 3 years ago, I had spent lots of time over my grandparents' and my grandpa was always telling me that I'd get through all of this. I'm so happy he actually saw me get through it before he died (hate using that word) :(

I just wish he was here with me. He was 69, and although that's longer than many people live today, I always imagined I'd have him longer, at least until he was in his 70s. Our song was "I Just Called To Say I Love You", and every time one of us heard it, we'd cry.

While he was in and out (mostly in)of the hospital, I saw him suffer ungodly. He was on the ventilator numerous times, he had lost a great amount of weight, and was just weak. I could tell he was giving up, physically and emotionally. Two days before he died, he was home, and things had gone downhill again. He started not being able to breathe again (even with all the home breathing machines and meds) and he begged my grandmother and I not to call the ambulance because all that would happen, is he would go back to the hospital and go on the vent again (a few weeks before this, all of the doctors said it was only time, and even suggested hospice), so we knew he was dying that awful morning he couldn't catch his breath. Of course, when he was gasping for air, we had no choice but to call the ambulance, and moments after they brought him to the hospital, we lost him.

This is my first real loss, and I'm no different than any other human on this beautiful earth, but I never knew how bad it could feel until it happened to me.

I miss him like crazy, and am especially sad for my dear grandma.

His death has actually brought me closer to God, and while I am still unsure of what religion I follow (raised catholic/christian, still practice, but confused) I have faith that he is in heaven now, with his loved ones and the Lord, much better off than the rest of us on earth!

Thank you for reading to this novel (lol), and if any one would like to talk, vent, or exchange prayers, get back or email me at: Somenicevibes@aol.com

I wish you all the best, and hope that you can also be strong.

Lots of love,

Alia

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Alia, I just wanted to say that I do not want to say that I know what you are going through, but I have recently experienced something similar. My Grandma was very dear to me, and my parents lived out of state. So my Grandma was kind of like a parent to me. I saw her 4-5 times per week. She suffered from severe curvature of the spine, and emphasema, and congested heart failure. She was doing fairly well with it all, and I guess I didn't realize how much she was slowing down. One weekend I took her to get her hair permed and it was a little cold out, and the next weekend when I went to visit I noticed that she was really sick. I ended up taking her into the emergency room and she had pneumonia, and her congested heart failure was acting up. Within that week of her being there, I went from thinking that she would get better, to finding out that she was going to be on Hospice when she left the hospital. That was something that was really hard to accept. I understand that I was lucky to actually have her leave the hospital alive, but it was a hard reality to face. She was the most prominant person in my life, and I had to think about what Hospice meant. Everyone around me was telling me that they knew someone that lived a long time on Hospice... but that was the last thing that I wanted to hear. I didn't want to think that she was going to die. Well she went home and it was rough for the first month, she couldn't eat, move, go to the bathroom on her own, and then she somehow found the strength. She was able to walk around again, and became more independent. Then I thought to myself she is going to be okay. The swelling in her legs went away, and her kidneys were functioning again. She started to get real busy with writing and going through her stuff, and then about 3 weeks after that she got really sick. It took a week for her to slowly die. Her lungs filled with fluid and her heart was crushed. That was the hardest thing in my entire life, to see someone that I love that much suffer till the end. Her death was a huge impact in my life, and I cannot believe that she is gone. There are some days that I want to cry all day long, because everything I do reminds me of her. But I know that she wouldn't want me to be depressed and I try and move on. It is so hard. If you ever want to talk, you can e-mail me. bbush@oakland.edu

Beth, 21, MI

Hi all. My name is Alia, 22 female from Pa.,

My grandfather, who was like a second father to me, as well as a very best friend, passed away on Sept. 30, 2006. I miss him terribly. He was a beautiful person, a retired police officer, and such the family man. He and my grandmother spent nearly 50 years together. He had been there for me through my toughest times, and was literally one of my best friends, whom I saw on a weekly basis. He had been sick with emphysema for years now, but had handled it pretty well. He even drove, despite the fact that it took him an hour to get to the car (WITH his breathing tank).

He went in to the hospital on August 17th, came home a few times, but eventually lost the battle. From the time he went into the hospital until the time he passed, I'd been living with my grandmother, and either going to the hospital every day to see him or taking care of him while he was home. Although we've shared a lifelong bond, when he got really sick, I could finally give the love and support back to him, that he had been giving me my whole life.

See, I had life-inhibiting social anxiety and some off and on depression, but when he got sick, it's like the anxiety went away. Well, I was still anxious, but I found myself doing things I could not do before (such as, going to the hospital alone in the morning, talking to doctors and nurses,etc...heck, just leaving the house!)

I realized that my love for him was deeper than anything on this earth.

In fact, since I got the anxiety/depression 3 years ago, I had spent lots of time over my grandparents' and my grandpa was always telling me that I'd get through all of this. I'm so happy he actually saw me get through it before he died (hate using that word) :(

I just wish he was here with me. He was 69, and although that's longer than many people live today, I always imagined I'd have him longer, at least until he was in his 70s. Our song was "I Just Called To Say I Love You", and every time one of us heard it, we'd cry.

While he was in and out (mostly in)of the hospital, I saw him suffer ungodly. He was on the ventilator numerous times, he had lost a great amount of weight, and was just weak. I could tell he was giving up, physically and emotionally. Two days before he died, he was home, and things had gone downhill again. He started not being able to breathe again (even with all the home breathing machines and meds) and he begged my grandmother and I not to call the ambulance because all that would happen, is he would go back to the hospital and go on the vent again (a few weeks before this, all of the doctors said it was only time, and even suggested hospice), so we knew he was dying that awful morning he couldn't catch his breath. Of course, when he was gasping for air, we had no choice but to call the ambulance, and moments after they brought him to the hospital, we lost him.

This is my first real loss, and I'm no different than any other human on this beautiful earth, but I never knew how bad it could feel until it happened to me.

I miss him like crazy, and am especially sad for my dear grandma.

His death has actually brought me closer to God, and while I am still unsure of what religion I follow (raised catholic/christian, still practice, but confused) I have faith that he is in heaven now, with his loved ones and the Lord, much better off than the rest of us on earth!

Thank you for reading to this novel (lol), and if any one would like to talk, vent, or exchange prayers, get back or email me at: Somenicevibes@aol.com

I wish you all the best, and hope that you can also be strong.

Lots of love,

Alia

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Hi I'm new to this forum. But this is the time of year I need support the most. Two years ago my grandma died. She was my world. I loved her more than anyone else in this world. She never judged me and always thought everything I did was great. Every moment I spent with her was a treasure, even when I was watching her die from Alzheimers. I used to have to repeat every answer 4-5 times because she would never remember, but that's ok because I was with her. As a child she lived around the corner from me and I spent more time there than I think I did at my own house. I was adopted as an infant, but she never treated me like I wasn't part of the family, blood or not, I was her grandchild. Christmas was the best time of year because I would help her put up the Christmas tree and decorate it. I can't do that now. I'm somewhat of a social outcast in my family and family holidays are hard for me, but much more so now. What I used to focus on was her because she was always happy to see me, but now, that's gone. I'm alone. People tell me that I should be over this by now, but I don't think they realize how much she meant to me. I miss her more than anything. I still can't go to her house or grave without completely losing it. I feel like everything I had was taken from me. I miss her so much. I still need her love and support.

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Hi I'm new to this forum. But this is the time of year I need support the most. Two years ago my grandma died. She was my world. I loved her more than anyone else in this world. She never judged me and always thought everything I did was great. Every moment I spent with her was a treasure, even when I was watching her die from Alzheimers. I used to have to repeat every answer 4-5 times because she would never remember, but that's ok because I was with her. As a child she lived around the corner from me and I spent more time there than I think I did at my own house. I was adopted as an infant, but she never treated me like I wasn't part of the family, blood or not, I was her grandchild. Christmas was the best time of year because I would help her put up the Christmas tree and decorate it. I can't do that now. I'm somewhat of a social outcast in my family and family holidays are hard for me, but much more so now. What I used to focus on was her because she was always happy to see me, but now, that's gone. I'm alone. People tell me that I should be over this by now, but I don't think they realize how much she meant to me. I miss her more than anything. I still can't go to her house or grave without completely losing it. I feel like everything I had was taken from me. I miss her so much. I still need her love and support.

I feel for you. It is so difficult to deal with the loss of a loved one especially around the holidays. You should listen to a song by Rascall Flatts, called Ellsworth. It's about a Grandma with alzheimers. My grandma did not have alzheimers but the song still helped me.

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When we switch over to a new message board system we should be able to start your own topics.

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We just got back in our popular Remember Pins. Show that you are remembering a loved one by wearing these pins. The proceeds cover the cost of the pins and help support Beyond Indigo. Too see the pins and wristbands as well as place an order copy and paste this link into a new broswer window.

http://www.beyondindigo.com/sunshop/index.php?action=category&id=2

Kelly

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Hi

I'm not sure if anyone can help me with this. My Grandmother is dying. She fell over and fractured her hip the night before her 90th birthday, this was 2 weeks ago. She has suffered a stroke, brain bleed and has pnumonia and had been conscious for a few days only.The family has only just held a meeting yesterday where we were asked to choose between trying a feeding tube or letting nature take it's course, the medical staff seemed amazed that nan is still with us.My father and my uncle decided to deny the tube feeding as her body is shutting down and apparently this probably won't help her.As she is still hanging on i can't help but wonder is she waiting for us to do our part, (by feeding her)is she doing her best to stay here but her family is letting her down?

Is there anyone else who has been in a similar situation who can provide me with some answers. Thankyou

Sharyn

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