Fear of Forgetting

[SammieDoll]

I'm currently living with my fiance's parents as we have to sell the home that he and I shared. This morning I woke up and tried to remember what it was like to wake up and hug him. I remembered that morning that I woke up, watched a very cute video of a couple getting engaged (on my phone) and I remembered how I wanted to share that with him when he woke up. I remembered hugging him and saying, "Wow, babe! You're really cold," and I tried to rub his side to keep him warm. I didn't know at that point he had been dead for over six hours.

When I look at pictures of us I only noticed recently how tightly he held me in each one. I have 2 videos of him that I watch a lot, but I still feel like I'm forgetting what it felt like to have him. It's only been four months and that scares the hell out of me. Does/has anyone feel/felt this way?

[kendi]

I THINK MOST IF NOT ALL WHO HAS LOST OUR LOVES FELLS THIS WAY. I LOST MY HUSBAND A MONTH AGO YESTERDAY AND IT SCARES ME SO MUCH THAT I TALK SO MUCH ABOUT HIM, I FEEL PEOPLE ARE TIRED OF HEARING IT. I JUST CANT HELP MYSELF I FEEL YHE MORE I TALK YHE MORE I REMEMBER. I STILL HAVE NOT MOVED ANY OF KENNY STUFF I WANT TO REMEMBER EVERYTHI.G AND FEEL LIKE IF I DO THEN I WONT REMEMBER WHAT IT WAS LIKE TO HAVE HIM HERE. I HAD JST ERASED A MESSAGE FRO HIM TELLING ME HE LOVED ME AND WAS THINKG OF ME THE DAY BEFORE HE DIED. IT HURTS TO KNOW I WILL NEVER HEAR HIS VOICE I CAN HEAR HIM TALKING I JUST CANT REMEMBER WHAT IT SOUNDS LIKE. I WISH O COULD SAY THE RIGHT WORDS TO MAKE YOU FEEL SOME COMFORT. MY THOUGHTS AND PRAYERS ARE WITH YOU.

[gunnerswife]

we would had been married 32 years on the 20th of this month and i to fear this. i look at pics like we had at the funeral and i think oh i don't remember him looking like that. we always texted each other a lot i have his lasr two texts locked into my phone and hope to always have them locked in. i don't have anything with his voice anymore though but when we still had his phone it hurt when jeremy would not answer and Scott voice came on. he always was funny so he had it sit up to be funny.

[val]

hi my name is val. i went through the same thing i think you did. my husband died in his sleep and i lay there next to him for hours without realizing it. i too have a fear of forgetting. it has only been two months, july 5, that he passed in his sleep. so that i don't forget, i haven't moved a thing of his around our home. i pay for two cell phones just to hear his voice, although a friend was able somehow to record it to my desktop so i can hear it whenever i want now. but i'll probably still pay the two phones. lord knows i can't really afford to. we went from two incomes down to just mine, overnight. to not forget, i sleep with and wear his favorite bathrobe and yes, actually sleep with his ashes. i don't know if this is healthy or not. i don't really care although my psych says it is time to step back a little and not make it so 'in my face' that he is not here anymore. at any rate, you are not the onlyone who has the 'fear of forgetting'. i know i will never forget him. i pray to god that he has jerry waiting for me in heaven when i die. i'm 52, he was 58. so you are not alone in your thoughts. god bless you and keep coming back. this group really helps me. especially in the middle of night when i cannot sleep. in my prayers, val

[SammieDoll]

Thanks for your kind responses. @Gunnerswife: I know what youean about the funny message. I had just gotten a new phone and I was trying to set up the voicemail. Mikie kept calling me & being a brat. I worked with Verizon and they were able to save his voicemail for me.

[Silvergirl61]

I am in tears, again! I was so afraid I was the only one who felt like this! I can't move his things, I can't decide what to do, and every day he feels farther and farther away!I am so terrified that as time goes by, I'll forget his face, the sound of his voice, how blue his eyes were, the fascination with watching his fingers move over the strings of his guitar, the sound of his voice singing to me....

It's been five weeks today, and it hurts so much! I felt so alone, and so strange, then I came here, and I am not the only one..and somehow, it makes me feel better and worse, even though that doesn't seem to make sense. I wish none of us had to go through this, and I just don't feel like I can do anything anymore.