Members jennifersmom Posted August 28, 2012 Members Report Share Posted August 28, 2012 I don't know why but these last couple of days I have been feeling so much guilt. It will be 6 months tomorrow that my daughter, my world, passed away. My daughter had just turned 33. Her life was just beginning. She suffered from pneumonia on and off the last 10 months of her life and I am so heart broken because of that. My daughter and I were not only mother and child, but best friends. The last time she was hospitalized was in Jan and she was in there for 2 weeks, 7 days she was on life support. When she got out of the hospital, she came to stay with her dad and me until march because she was so weak and unable to take care of herself. Finally, her and I went back to her apartment on Monday and I stayed until Saturday. I left that Saturday to come back home, get some things done and spend a little alone time with her dad. she asked me when i was leaving if I could stay another night and I told her I would come back in a few days. The plan was for me to come back on Wednesday and spend a few nights (I did this every week so we could have girl time together). My daughter and I would always talk everyday. It was rare that we didn't. On Monday, her and I had a nice conversation and I told her to call me the next day and we would discuss what time I would be over on Wed. Tuesday night I hadn't heard from her and tried calling many times. Then Wed, I tried a few times more, unable to get ahold of her and then went to her apartment. They had to break down her door and that is when she was found, and had passed. Wednesday, around 1:3o, I just got this horrible feeling in my stomach and just started crying. I want to believe this is when she passed. The medical examiner and dectective said there was no struggle she passed peacefully. I don't know why I didn't go over there Tuesday. I don't know why on Wednesday I choose not to see her. I did see them bring her out of her apartment in a body bag and will never forget that image. I use to always feel everything happens for a reason but now I don't know. On the day of her service we choose a closed casket (she was creamated as that was her wish). I choose not to see her that day too. I know I am just babbling, just so much guilt right now, don't know why. Why wasn't I there to hold her?Thanks for listening Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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