has it really been 6 months?

[drakesmommy4ever]

March 18,2008, I'm dreading that day, cause it would mean that my little boy Drake has been gone 6 months. I can't believe that life has when by so fast, but at the same time it doesn't feel like 6 months. The pain is still real, the pain gets worst everyday. I wonder what he looks like I wonder what he would be. It still feels like a dream. I don't dream of him why I don't know I go to bed praying for a dream, a sign anything to let me know if he is okay. I miss him so much, its too much to bare. I have more bad days then good days. all I want to do is to hold him. I have depression i know but not ready to go get help. In 4 months Drake will be two years old how do I deal with that day. How do I say Happy Birthday when he isn't here. I finally got his name plate for his ashes. Why does God take innocent life? why take the good and leave the bad? Why couldn't he take me instead? I miss my little boy. I miss playing peek-a-boo with him I miss waking up to him. I should be taking him to get his 18 months shots  not to be missing him. I would do anything for a dream or a sign i would do anything to hold him one more time. I love you Drake I miss you.

[heathershope]

I hope you did okay on March 18..sometimes okay is all you can ask for.  I will have been without my daughter, Heather for 1 yr on May 12, 2008.  It has only been ten months yet it has already been ten months also.  I look at it differently every day, every minute.   It seems impossible sometimes to have a whole lifetime to get through without your child, so take it day by day and don't look too far ahead, it hurts too much.  There will be days in the future where you will feel a liitle less raw, and there will be days when it feels like a fresh open wound, that's just how it goes.  No way to predict sometimes what will set it off, some things you expect will bother you and somethings you don't even see coming. 

 

Be gentle to yourself.  Talk with people when you need to.  Hang in there you will get the dreams and the signs, I am sure of it.  It took my husband ten months to dream of Heather while I started to the same day she died.  Signs are everywhere, just be open for them.

 

Terri

[shellbellsmom]

Drakesmommy,

I too hope your day (March 18th) was easy on you.  It's so amazing now how we dread so many days. 

For me there are so many days I despise now...today makes it 8 months since Michelle died.  So I hate the 21st of each month for being the date in which she died.  I hate the 14th as that was the day she got the cancer diagnosis. This Monday the 24th is my 24th Wedding anniversary and now I am stressed about that day because I won't get that "Happy Anniversary" song sung to me from my daughter.  Then there's the 4th of July- totally dreading that day- as it was the last good day she had (if you can have a decent day with cancer). The 9th of the month is her birthday...so that date, and the whole month of November will be rotten as well.

Then there's Wednesdays- the day she would always get her bone marrow biopsies and chemotherapy, and the day of her funeral.  Saturdays are terrible- as she died on a Saturday.  Sundays are not fun now knowing another week without her has started...The whole month of June I am not looking forward to as she was admitted in the hospital then.  Then I might as well dig myself a hole for the month of July...

So for me, most days are crappy.  The anniversary date is always hard- I got a great sign on the 6 month anniversary- which made it a little easier.  You will dream of your baby and it will be wonderful.  I keep a note book by my bedside in case I dream of her; I want to recall every last detail of it. 

Hang in there....we are all in the same boat- trying to get back to some of our old life...only problem is we are doing it without a map of how to get there.