What do I do?

[Racemom615]

I recently have been dealing quite a bit with my mother who has not dealt with the loss of my father or cousin. My father (57) passed away almost 3 years ago and my cousin (24) passed away just 6 months after him. I was the one who got the news that they had lost my dad's heartbeat and had to break it to my mom when she arrived at the hospital that he was flown to. I was also the only one out of my immediate family that was there seeing my cousin pass away. I have been having anxiety attacks almost every day. My mother crys to me all the time, bringing me back down. I am afraid that I am just going to pull away from her as this is starting to effect my own health and family life... I am at a loss on what to do!

I would greatly appreciate any advice!

Thank you!

[ModKonnie]

I recently have been dealing quite a bit with my mother who has not dealt with the loss of my father or cousin. My father (57) passed away almost 3 years ago and my cousin (24) passed away just 6 months after him. I was the one who got the news that they had lost my dad's heartbeat and had to break it to my mom when she arrived at the hospital that he was flown to. I was also the only one out of my immediate family that was there seeing my cousin pass away. I have been having anxiety attacks almost every day. My mother crys to me all the time, bringing me back down. I am afraid that I am just going to pull away from her as this is starting to effect my own health and family life... I am at a loss on what to do!

I would greatly appreciate any advice!

Thank you!

Racemom,

Do you and your mom ever sit down and talk about your feelings and the events of that day? Have you tried grief counseling? Can you talk with your mom about how you both need to begin to move forward? What is your mother's schedule like? Has she started anything new or done anything different? Is she isolated and alone? Does she need to talk with her doctor about depression, or does she need to join a grief and loss self help group? Would a spiritual group help her? Does she have any friends that can take her out for a few hours of some type of fun (movies, sporting event, church function, bingo, etc.)? It sounds as though you mother needs someone to talk to, and you may be the only one.

As far as your anxiety attacks, you need to talk about your feelings. Perhaps a journal where you discuss how you feel, especially during an attack, could help you sort through the experience.

Have your mother come here and talk with us. She will not be alone. We will be here for both of you.

ModKonnie