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How do I console my friends while am still angry?


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In 1992 my family moved to new town and there I met this wonderful man with his family. He was my dad's age and became a very good family friend, I kind of forged a special bond with him as I dated his daughter for a while. He became my mentor and helped me a lot especially regarding my anger issues - taught me how to control my anger and so forth.

After I graduated from high school, I started helping him out anytime I wasn't in college and would learn from him how to do carpentry (he was a carpenter by trade). I spent more time with him than how I spent with my dad ( I respect my dad but I bonded with this man better). A few years later I left my native country but always kept in touch with him and his family. That is until November last year, I couldn't reach him whenever I called. Yesterday while I was at Church, my dad called me and left a message on my voicemail. When leaving Church, I listed to the message just to hear that my friend and mentor and his wife were dead.

When I asked more questions, I realized that he had killed his wife then committed suicide - the voicemail left me in a shock, but the information left me angry. Angry at him and angry at myself. His daughter (my ex) has been left to take care of siblings, I really wanted to call and console her, but I don't know what to tell her. Every time I start dialing her number I get so angry and stop.

How do I deal with this situation?

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Dear Members,

We are excited to mention that we are moving to a more new and improved message boards on MONDAY MORNING AUGUST 9th! The boards will be done for a few hours while we are making the conversation. Remember we posted information about this move a month ago. For some of you this might seem a bit sudden,  but when we were reviewing the site we determined the current message board you are using is out of date and the company that designed it is no longer in existence. The good news is this new message board will have new features that have been requested in the past like more fields we can add to your profiles and a chat room up to 20 people at one time. If we find the chat room is bursting at the seams we will add additional room for extra people. All your old posts, private messages and such will be migrated to the new message board. You might have to put up your profile picture again but not sure. The new company will be doing the migration for us. Here is a short list of some of the new features on the board:

- Custom Profile Fields

- Users can customize their profile pages by selecting a background color or background image, with tiling options.

- Facebook and Twitter Integration

- users can respond to multiple posts at once with "mini-quote"

- Pinned discussion threads - like welcome to our board etc.

- Announcements made across some boards or the entire message board

- Search: Users can easily find all content generated by a particular member, by clicking the 'Find Content' button that appears on the main profile page, or in the Mini Profile Popup which can be accessed throughout the board. The results page allows content to be filtered by application, as well whether the member created it or merely participated in it.

- Privacy: allows users to sign in anonymously, hiding them from the online users list. Users also have the option to disable personal conversations and user-to-user emails, as well as ignore other users if necessary.

The next exciting piece of news about the new message board is it will have a new domain name of www.grieving.com for search engine optimization purposes. It will still be apart of Beyond Indigo and can be found through www.beyondindigo.com. We will be redirecting your current URL's to this new domain name but we might miss a few. If that is the case simply go back to www.grieving.com or www.beyondindigo.com to find your message board thread. We will try to make the transition as seamless as possible.

The bottom line is the new board will give us room to grow our community and more options to interact better with each other.

If you have any questions please direct them to feedback@beyondindigo.com.

Kelly Baltzell, MA


Beyond Indigo Family

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This is a tough one. you will need time to heal. I don't know that you will ever know or understand fully why he did what he did.

Move on with your life and I would tell the truth.

praying for you for healing and understanding and peace.

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