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Mdanielson4

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Mdanielson4

I am new to this chat type os communication. My son told me to give it a try. I am seeing councilers and talking through things but I have no support system close to me. My family lives far away and I miss her more than I ever imagined. She did everything for me. I loved her with all of my heart. Not sure if the pain can ever be removed. Not sure I want the pain to go away. This is all I have left, the pain, and to imagine the pain she was going through with the cancer. It makes me feel guilty, I wanted to take the cancer out of her and have the lord take me instead. I wanted to leave her here to help the kids and grandkids. She loved them as much as I do. We were married 32 years. Many good memories but she was way to young at 52 to die. I read a book called When will it stop hurting? It helped me understand some of the feelings I am having but I just want her back. "I just want Mary BACK"!!!!

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md, I'm so sorry. If you go through and read some of the posts here, you'll see there are people who can relate to everything you've said; I certainly can. The emptiness, the guilt, wanting to trade places, the pain, all of it. It's a horrible journey you've been forced on, but you can survive it. I lost my loved one to cancer too. She deserves to be here about a million times more than I do, but that's not how it worked out. When did this happen? Give yourself time, it will take lots. I think you're on the right track by trying counseling. And your son seems to be a big plus as well; I don't have kids so I don't even have that. Hang in there, just take it a day at a time, and feel free to vent here any time. That's but one of the good things about a place like this (you can vent any time). We're listening.

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I know what you are going through. Scott was so much more positive on life then I am. He loved life, He left so many things unfinnished. He left me with a broken heart and many things to do, I found him in bed dead. I got out of bed that morning and made his coffee and got on the computer a few minutes before he did. He didn't come out so I went to check on him. I think I picked him up out of bed shaking him. I had to call my son at work, that was hard, they could barely understand what I wanted. He could had wrecked coming home, he drove about 45 minutes home crying, talking on phone and driving about 95 miles a hour. I miss hubby so would love to have him back.

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