Still lost two years later...

[lreneterry]

I lost half of myself two years ago. I still dream about him every night. I still see or hear something during the day and think I have to remember to tell him about that at supper tonight. I still think about calling him in the middle of the day just to say "I love you!" I miss his calls doing the same. I miss his voice mails that were utter obnoxious crudeness. I have tried to date. WOW, what a disaster. His family was being so well meaning when they said they were happy that I went on a date because they were starting to worry about me. The kids aren't doing any better than I am. Our daughter is finally willing to see a grief counselor. Our son is not. I don't know how my Dad got thru raising a teenager after losing my Mom. At least he doesn't try to pretend that it magically gets better. Thank you for listening...

[widower2]

I'm sorry, for all of it. I lost my "other half" a year ago and can relate. Early in our relationship we didn't live in the same town, so those phone calls/emails etc were huge. But now that's gone. No more midday "how's your day going" calls, no "what about dinner" or ideas for the weekend conversations..none of it. None of the so-called mundane trivial little day/day things which in hindsight I realize now I needed like I need food and water. It's like slowly starving. And I shudder to think about dating - frankly the only reason I want to is to alleviate this terrible loneliness, not because I'm really "into" a relationship per se...or I think really capable of it, all those social games/etc all over again....ugh!

That all said, I think it's something I will push myself to do sooner or later, and respectfully suggest you try to do the same. Sure the odds of any given person being a "great candidate" aren't good, but I believe they are out there, and it's worth the effort. If nothing else it's a night out instead of just another one at home to dwell on all this (and for you perhaps a fee meal ). I have learned the hard way getting out is a must and more than once have done it even when I didn't feel like it - most of the time I was glad I did, even when I didn't have a slam-dunk great time. I think we have to try and resist the urge to curl up like cocoon.

[lreneterry]

Thank you for your thoughts. I haven't been brooding much lately. At the end of June I did but I expected that on the anniversary. After a mild breakdown and quitting a very stable job that I had been at for 8 years I went back to school. I graduate in Sept. After going to a "private" college I realized that my interest in the subject went far deeper than just one year so I applied to the University and was accepted. So this fall hopefully I will have a full time job again as well as going back to a four year school. The kids have been very supportive.

[paulaj]

Two years is still a relatively short period of time for some people, myself included. To date for distraction from the loneliness and emptiness, doesn't seem to work. Do you find yourself comparing your date to your loved one? There is nothing wrong with not being ready to date. As if that's the solution to grief. I believe when the time is right you'll know. Peace comes from the inside, not the outside. Like widower2, I miss the small intimacies more than anything. And the feeling of support,no matter what. Since becoming a widow, there are times when I feel I'm walking the plank in the middle of the ocean. Alone. Guys still ask me out, but I haven't found anyone I could picture being around too much. I'd rather be alone, than living with someone who drives me nuts. How many couples have I seen like that? I'd rather eat glass! My challenge is to get out and meet people. And I have been making steps in that direction. When I am at peace with myself and can know more joy, I might make an appropriate companion.

Sending the spirit of healing to all,

Mandala