Hopeless!!!

[naty0123]

Ok, well I have delt with the July 4th his favorite holiday, his birthday and our 13th anniversary. I am so alone. I miss him every second of the day. My void is getting deeper as the days go on. I just want to feel his arms around me and smell his sent. My anniversay was so freaking sad and lonely. I tried to do things that I thought would make me feel a little bit better but it did not work. My soul mate is gone forever! I cant handle the pain. I just want to see my husband.. This pain dose not get any better, it gets worse. Just when you think that you cant feel worse you do. I am stuck in this unfamilar life that I once new. Everything is new...I have many great memmories and that's it. They dont get me through the day. When I think of them I get more sad because I rememeber all the great momments that we had and now they are gone and I have to start new ones without him. Being here dealing with all the emotions is so hard. Tuesday was the first day that I have felt lonely since he had past. I hadnt had that one emotion yet and it came..and I have been more in a hole since then. I just want to feel ok or something other than so sad and hopeless..I can never get use to the idea that my man, my love, my bestfriend, my lover, my comedian, the father of my children is gone. I still cant understand why he was taken from us...I dont think I will ever have closure!!!

[dmbarr]

I am sorry for you, but I am the same way. I miss him so much. I am so lonely it use to be three of us at all times, now its' just me. Everyone says sell the house and land move to town, but I can't he loved it here, I loved it here when he was here, Thedogs loves running on our land, We hve 2 big labs no I can't sell it and move into a little appartment. Life sucks now. No matter what fun Itry to do, it ends to soon and saddness is always there.

[llovern]

I feel just like the two of you do. Life is just no good without my husband here. I do have a granddaughter who brings me moments of joy and i am thankful for that. Otherwise, life would not hold much for me at all. i hope in time, all of us who are suffering can find a way to cope with our overwhelming loss.

[csimms3]

I know how you all feel. It's been 5 months now and I just can't believe he isn't coming home. I am sitting here thinking about how loud and funny he was and now I sit at home in the silence every night. Sometimes it takes everything in me to come home after work. I try to distract myself but it hurts. Sometimes I find myself just sitting in the silence and crying for hours. Sometimes the only relief is when I am sleeping and lately I can barely do that. I am emotionally and physically exhausted. My doctor started me on anti-depressants last week. They seem to help a little. The pain in my heart and stomach doesn't seem as intense. I used to experience chest pains as well (apparently a side effect of the depression) and they have gone away. I am going to a psychologist next week. She seems nice and I hope she has some good advice. I don't know about anyone else but the thing I feel overwhelmingly lately is that I don't fit in anywhere or with anyone. Everyone else has their own life to live and I am stuck in some sort of limbo waiting for something to end or begin. Feel like I don't know what my life is about anymore and I am still young.

[Mdanielson4]

I just joined this today, I know the loss you all feel. My mom died in March of this year and my wife died in May. We have been married for 32 years. She was and still is everything to me. there isn't a moment that goes by that she isn't on my mind. Everyone has been telling me to join a group to talk this through. My son said "dad go online and see if you can find help" I am seeing Dr's and Councilors but they just listen and I find no relief with them. Maybe I don't want relief. Guilt has set in, wondering why God wouldn't listen and take me instead of her. Everyone just keeps telling me it isn't your time. Sorry I would have done anything to change that so she could still be here with the kids and Grandkids. I miss her so much. you people are the only people that know what I feel. I wish I could make you all feel better. I know it isn't possible. They keep telling me it will happen, you will heal. Is that truly the answer I want?