detached

[kathy1961]

My husband passed away in Feb. of this year after a long battle with cancer. Since his death I don't feel "right". I feel like I'm walking around in a daze or I'm in a dream. I feel like I'm not even in my body sometimes. I had a similar feeling a few years ago after my brother died. It eventually got better. I've never heard of this before. I also can't remember things well at all. The period of time my husband was in the hospital at the end and his death are fuzzy to me. Has anyone ever heard of this?

[dmbarr]

I don't know what to tell you but that is how I feel. It is really bad when I am driving and I have to drive now. its like I have double vision. people is telling me to get my eyes tested, but i don't have insurance and just got that done a few months back and got new glasses. I think its likea dream to us.

[kathy1961]

I think that's exactly what it's like. I don't remember if I had double vision but had a lot of dizzziness. That has gotten better but the haziness and dreamlike feeling isn't going away. Sometimes I just feel like I'm not even in my own body.

I don't know what to tell you but that is how I feel. It is really bad when I am driving and I have to drive now. its like I have double vision. people is telling me to get my eyes tested, but i don't have insurance and just got that done a few months back and got new glasses. I think its likea dream to us.

[widower2]

Wow the double vision thing has hit me recently and I assumed it was just me getting older. Sometimes it's like the double vision you get when you're drunk only I haven't had a drop. Very concerning as I am in I.T. and without my eyes I'm toast.

The detached thing I can relate to as well. Almost surreal like I'm in a dream (nightmare). Sometimes instead of feeling bad I don't feel much of anything, which in some way seems worse. I think. I don't know it's all so crazy......

[dmbarr]

I have trouble seeing while driving it is like the yellow and white line is too close. I am sure I am going to have a accident cause of this and i really don't want too.

[Mdanielson4]

My problem driving is that is when I hear a song that reminds me of Mary and that is when I start crying. No doubt the people driving beside me must think I am having problems but I just don't care what they think. I break down alot lately, so I don't want to be in public but that is not possible managing a store. Being in Healthcare I get patients that come in and need oxygen. Then I find out they have the same diagnosis that my wife had. All I can think of then is when Mary and I found out we only had 5 months together after that. That is not enough time to say everything you want to tell her. I have to try to sleep now so I can go to work tomorrow. No doubt I will pray this group will bring some type of relief.

[val]

My husband passed away in Feb. of this year after a long battle with cancer. Since his death I don't feel "right". I feel like I'm walking around in a daze or I'm in a dream. I feel like I'm not even in my body sometimes. I had a similar feeling a few years ago after my brother died. It eventually got better. I've never heard of this before. I also can't remember things well at all. The period of time my husband was in the hospital at the end and his death are fuzzy to me. Has anyone ever heard of this?

That is what i feel like; my husband died just July 5, just three weeks ago. I am in a daze, confused, try to go towork , but missing a lot of time. I think what you are going through is normal, how can you expect yourself ot feel "right' when you just lost thelove of your life. take some of the pressure off to feel "right"; feel what you feel; cry. sleep. try to eat. and be careful detached. don't drive if you are having a hard time with it. do u have family support? my best to you, val

[val]

another response for you... i too work in mental health care. working is my challenge. i've been trying but cannot stopp thinking of my husband. god bless you cand good luck today at work; can you take some time off?

valerie landis gard

My problem driving is that is when I hear a song that reminds me of Mary and that is when I start crying. No doubt the people driving beside me must think I am having problems but I just don't care what they think. I break down alot lately, so I don't want to be in public but that is not possible managing a store. Being in Healthcare I get patients that come in and need oxygen. Then I find out they have the same diagnosis that my wife had. All I can think of then is when Mary and I found out we only had 5 months together after that. That is not enough time to say everything you want to tell her. I have to try to sleep now so I can go to work tomorrow. No doubt I will pray this group will bring some type of relief.

[Mdanielson4]

Val, I can't take time off right now. I used up all my PTO when Mary was sick and we are short handed. It is just a very trying Time right now.

[csimms3]

I feel the same way - like I am in a daze. I don't sleep well and sometimes I feel like it probably isn't safe for me to be driving, but what choice do I have? It's like everywhere you go, you are there in body but not in mind. All you want to do is stay at home. I don't really like being out around people either. Everywhere I go, I see or hear something that reminds me of him. So hard because, other than going through it themselves, no one understands how you feel. I think the feeling like you are in a dream/nightmare thing is because we are in some sort of shock about the whole thing - like we can't believe they are actually gone. Sometimes when I go to bed, I see his picture on the wall and think "Holy crap! He's not here anymore!"

[val]

i have to break down my days into fifteen minute increments to get through it; i had to leave early today. i am sorry for your current situation. it will get better. what do you do?

hugs, val

Val, I can't take time off right now. I used up all my PTO when Mary was sick and we are short handed. It is just a very trying Time right now.

[val]

wow, i just realized your spouse died the same day mine did. i too am quite limited on the amount of time i can take, before i won't get paid for it. that time is pretty well up. there are FMLA, family medical leave act, rules that companies have to follow; i think you need to exhaust all pto and vacation and sick first. i don't know that much about it but it doesn't hurt to ask. i am so sorry for your loss. be gentle on yourself right now; it was just 22 days ago. i am pretty much stoic, almost zombie like at work. i do just what ihave to; that is it. i can handle no more. and when i leave work, i go to a bereavemeent support group or AA meeting - i am also a recoverying alcoholic, 5 yrs clean - where i can find people who care about me. we had no children, just out lovely kitty so the home is very quiet at night. look for all the support you can get right now. this grief thing is the hardest thing i've done in my life. hugs, val

i have to break down my days into fifteen minute increments to get through it; i had to leave early today. i am sorry for your current situation. it will get better. what do you do?

hugs, val

[Mdanielson4]

I wish I could say I have that covered, but I don't. I have my kids by phone and they certainly try. I have our poodle, she can't talk very well. I have to be careful at work I am the manager. I need to set the right example. This has been the toughest time in my life.

[val]

you are the manager; even manager's need time to grieve. can you talk to your superior? YOU NEED A LOT OF SUPPORT RIGHT NOW.

i have our beautiful cat; he cannot talk but he takes my tears well on his fur. cry and let it out. write me at valerielandis@rocketmail.com if you wish. warm hugs, val

I wish I could say I have that covered, but I don't. I have my kids by phone and they certainly try. I have our poodle, she can't talk very well. I have to be careful at work I am the manager. I need to set the right example. This has been the toughest time in my life.

[kathy1961]

I know. I feel like I'm just going through the motions most of the time.

Wow the double vision thing has hit me recently and I assumed it was just me getting older. Sometimes it's like the double vision you get when you're drunk only I haven't had a drop. Very concerning as I am in I.T. and without my eyes I'm toast.

The detached thing I can relate to as well. Almost surreal like I'm in a dream (nightmare). Sometimes instead of feeling bad I don't feel much of anything, which in some way seems worse. I think. I don't know it's all so crazy......

[kathy1961]

I haven't noticed a hard time driving yet but I might be afraid to in heavy traffic. I guess I have support. The only close family member I have is my mother and she is elderly and her mind is bad but I do have some cousins I can talk to and a few friends but I just haven't found a lot of help in talking with anybody.

That is what i feel like; my husband died just July 5, just three weeks ago. I am in a daze, confused, try to go towork , but missing a lot of time. I think what you are going through is normal, how can you expect yourself ot feel "right' when you just lost thelove of your life. take some of the pressure off to feel "right"; feel what you feel; cry. sleep. try to eat. and be careful detached. don't drive if you are having a hard time with it. do u have family support? my best to you, val

[val]

i don't even know what to say; would like to offer some omfort however. i too feel like i am in a bad nightmare i can't wake up from for a month now, almost a month. i've lost a whole month. bless you and take care.

I know. I feel like I'm just going through the motions most of the time.

[Mdanielson4]

I know the feeling, I feel like my nightmare has been riding along for over two months now. The bad part is I can't sleep so how can it be a nightmare. Times when I just feel my life has been destroyed and I am looking for the one responsible. Other times it feels like walking coma.

[kathy1961]

Thanks Val. Its comforting to know at least that I'm not alone.

i don't even know what to say; would like to offer some omfort however. i too feel like i am in a bad nightmare i can't wake up from for a month now, almost a month. i've lost a whole month. bless you and take care.

[kathy1961]

I know the feeling, I feel like my nightmare has been riding along for over two months now. The bad part is I can't sleep so how can it be a nightmare. Times when I just feel my life has been destroyed and I am looking for the one responsible. Other times it feels like walking coma.

That's pretty much exactly the way it feels to me. I keep thinking it will go away but it doesn't.

[Jeff's Mom]

I think that what many of your are experiencing is a form of disassociating. I definitely know about that. I am the queen of blocking things out. Years of experience. When the mind can not absorb something that is too painful it finds a way to protect us. When my son died I went into denial and blocked much of that night out. Eventually it started to come back in flash backs and dreams. Like it or not... I could not block it any longer. This dream like state is a protective measure. It's like drifting in a fog where you are there, but apart from the actual happening. People can be talking to you, but you have to force yourself to stay focused. In time you will find these feelings start to subside. Remember you have all experienced the worst imaginable shock and pain of your life. Patience and time is all that will help. Know that it is a slow process to work through. Be kind to yourself and don't beat yourelf up over the bad days. They are very normal.

[val]

yes Kate I understand disassociation. I just wish I could. I feel immersed in my pain. I cannot function as normal, or even fake it. This group helps keep me going. Today is one month since Jerry passed away. I don't even think I "get it" yet. And while I know some people turn to drink or drugs to get through and numb themselves, i am a recoverying , sober alcoholic and with the Lord's Grace, have not been tempted. So I am feeling the feelings and they are painful ones indeed. Part of me wants to stomp my feet and yell "i refuse to go on without him", because truthfully, I fear I cannot. He was everything to me. I will probably be close to computer today seeking support. pls when you can, respond to me. i feel so lost today, val

I think that what many of your are experiencing is a form of disassociating. I definitely know about that. I am the queen of blocking things out. Years of experience. When the mind can not absorb something that is too painful it finds a way to protect us. When my son died I went into denial and blocked much of that night out. Eventually it started to come back in flash backs and dreams. Like it or not... I could not block it any longer. This dream like state is a protective measure. It's like drifting in a fog where you are there, but apart from the actual happening. People can be talking to you, but you have to force yourself to stay focused. In time you will find these feelings start to subside. Remember you have all experienced the worst imaginable shock and pain of your life. Patience and time is all that will help. Know that it is a slow process to work through. Be kind to yourself and don't beat yourelf up over the bad days. They are very normal.

[Mdanielson4]

yes Kate I understand disassociation. I just wish I could. I feel immersed in my pain. I cannot function as normal, or even fake it. This group helps keep me going. Today is one month since Jerry passed away. I don't even think I "get it" yet. And while I know some people turn to drink or drugs to get through and numb themselves, i am a recoverying , sober alcoholic and with the Lord's Grace, have not been tempted. So I am feeling the feelings and they are painful ones indeed. Part of me wants to stomp my feet and yell "i refuse to go on without him", because truthfully, I fear I cannot. He was everything to me. I will probably be close to computer today seeking support. pls when you can, respond to me. i feel so lost today, val

Val,

I wish I could give you a hug and tell you everything will be fine. That isn't the reality though, as everyone keeps saying time will help us heal. I am not the type that usually wants hugs, but I find myself looking for that type of support now. I usually am very shy and keep to myself most of the time. Now that Mary is gone I find myself looking for someone to tell me that it will get better. I want to get better, I pray it will get better. I have to believe. You are not alone, we all are looking for the same healing miracle so we can find our new normal. It won't be the same but we all want it to be tolerable.

[val]

I know what you mean , tolerable would be okay. If you are usually the shy sort and do not overtly seek support and hugs, well, you are doing so right here, correct? we wouldn't be here trying to sort through this. I want to get better, and I pray it will get better. Mary. Beautiful name. Beautiful woman. Painful loss. Here are hugs and support to you my friend. I am trying to pray for acceptance, though I know it is a long time coming. I will be around today. I wish I could just fall back asleep but i cannot not, not right now. We'll talk more. take care, val

Val,

I wish I could give you a hug and tell you everything will be fine. That isn't the reality though, as everyone keeps saying time will help us heal. I am not the type that usually wants hugs, but I find myself looking for that type of support now. I usually am very shy and keep to myself most of the time. Now that Mary is gone I find myself looking for someone to tell me that it will get better. I want to get better, I pray it will get better. I have to believe. You are not alone, we all are looking for the same healing miracle so we can find our new normal. It won't be the same but we all want it to be tolerable.