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Words to comfort Mom?


mmm76

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My grandpa, my mom's dad, is dying. He may last several more months, but it's coming. I feel sad about that. Looking back, I just remember him as such a quiet man. He was a farmer & family man, but quiet. So I can't say I had a particularly close relationship w/ him, even though we visited them often when I was a kid.

The thing that is giving me the most anxiety is what I will say to my mom. We have a fairly close relationship.

Let me put in here that I've had social anxiety basically all my life. I've always struggled w/ knowing the right thing to say to anyone in any situation.

My heart is already breaking for my mom. I feel a little odd because my dad died when I was 12. The situations were vastly different but I still know how it feels. (I just realized I've been jealous of my mom for still having her dad, but that's not the point)

The thing is, at some point, like when she breaks the news, I will have to voice actual words & I just don't know what to say. Anything that comes to mind seems wrong because it's so inadequate. I feel like I'm going to fail her when the time comes

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grace17313

My mother lost my grandfather 2 yrs ago and I felt the same. What do I say? What do I do? I didn't say many words. Of course were surrounded by family so there wasn't an awkward silence to begin with. I was there for her. I spent alot more time with her than I had been. I still do. My mother and I are very close, even more now and I don't believe there are always the perfect words in many situations, especially not this one. There probably isn't anything she hasn't already heard (I say that because I just lost someone also). Just hug her tightly and tell her you love her. Be there for her. I never specifically told my mother I was there for anything she needed, I just did it. If she called I did the best I could to be there. I was at her house as often as I could be. I would pack up with my children and stay the night. I am unsure if you are able to do this, we only lived 10 min away. Try to be there as much as possible. Even a phone call can do so much. If you live with her, spend time with her, have breakfast together, watch movies, just be there.

On June 7th (this year, last month) I lost my fiance-the father of my children. I realize now that I am sharing with you that my mother and I are very much alike. I remember when my grandfather passed, I never saw my mom break down other than the day of. Afterwards, I would see tears roll down her cheeks here and there. Or I would hear her cry in the shower or in the restroom. I let her have her moments. Now I find myself doing the same. I broke down at the hospital. It was a sudden death, as opposed to my grandfathers. He was old and we knew his days/hours were coming to an end. I cried hard and my parents just held me and cried with me. I could not be there any longer so they took me to their house where my children were at the time. They talked with me but honestly I don't remember what we said. I just know they were there. My mother has been by myside through it all and hasn't said many words but she is there. She is there like I was there. She lets me have my moments and watches my children for me. They are only 3yrs old and my baby will be 1 on the 15th. Taking care of them is very difficult for me right now. She is there.

Just be there for your mother as much as possible. If being there physically is not so easy, call her. You don't have to speak specifically about your grandfather. Just ask her how she is doing, she will probably just say "ok". That's all I say. After I say that I honestly just want to get past it and talk about something else. But hearing someone acknowledge I am in pain shows me I have their support. I don't want to talk about it all of the time, it just makes me cry. So we get past the "how are you" part and move on. Your mother may be different. She may want to talk about it. If she does, don't be worried. She will do the talking, it may make her feel better. So just listen, hold her hand. agree with her. Or sometimes you may need to disagree with her. You don't have to say a million words. She feels your love and that is honestly worth more than anything you can say....except I love you, of course!

I hope this helps your anxiety a little. :)

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My mother lost my grandfather 2 yrs ago and I felt the same. What do I say? What do I do? I didn't say many words. Of course were surrounded by family so there wasn't an awkward silence to begin with. I was there for her. I spent alot more time with her than I had been. I still do. My mother and I are very close, even more now and I don't believe there are always the perfect words in many situations, especially not this one. There probably isn't anything she hasn't already heard (I say that because I just lost someone also). Just hug her tightly and tell her you love her. Be there for her. I never specifically told my mother I was there for anything she needed, I just did it. If she called I did the best I could to be there. I was at her house as often as I could be. I would pack up with my children and stay the night. I am unsure if you are able to do this, we only lived 10 min away. Try to be there as much as possible. Even a phone call can do so much. If you live with her, spend time with her, have breakfast together, watch movies, just be there.

On June 7th (this year, last month) I lost my fiance-the father of my children. I realize now that I am sharing with you that my mother and I are very much alike. I remember when my grandfather passed, I never saw my mom break down other than the day of. Afterwards, I would see tears roll down her cheeks here and there. Or I would hear her cry in the shower or in the restroom. I let her have her moments. Now I find myself doing the same. I broke down at the hospital. It was a sudden death, as opposed to my grandfathers. He was old and we knew his days/hours were coming to an end. I cried hard and my parents just held me and cried with me. I could not be there any longer so they took me to their house where my children were at the time. They talked with me but honestly I don't remember what we said. I just know they were there. My mother has been by myside through it all and hasn't said many words but she is there. She is there like I was there. She lets me have my moments and watches my children for me. They are only 3yrs old and my baby will be 1 on the 15th. Taking care of them is very difficult for me right now. She is there.

Just be there for your mother as much as possible. If being there physically is not so easy, call her. You don't have to speak specifically about your grandfather. Just ask her how she is doing, she will probably just say "ok". That's all I say. After I say that I honestly just want to get past it and talk about something else. But hearing someone acknowledge I am in pain shows me I have their support. I don't want to talk about it all of the time, it just makes me cry. So we get past the "how are you" part and move on. Your mother may be different. She may want to talk about it. If she does, don't be worried. She will do the talking, it may make her feel better. So just listen, hold her hand. agree with her. Or sometimes you may need to disagree with her. You don't have to say a million words. She feels your love and that is honestly worth more than anything you can say....except I love you, of course!

I hope this helps your anxiety a little. :)

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Thank you Grace 17313. You did actually relieve some of my anxiety. You reminded me that it doesn't take a whole lot of words. Being there IS something I can do for her. We live across town from each other. I don't imagine she'll want to talk about it much. We are definately a family that pretends the painful things don't exist.

Thank you & I hope you're doing "ok".:)

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grace17313

Thank you Grace 17313. You did actually relieve some of my anxiety. You reminded me that it doesn't take a whole lot of words. Being there IS something I can do for her. We live across town from each other. I don't imagine she'll want to talk about it much. We are definately a family that pretends the painful things don't exist.

Thank you & I hope you're doing "ok".:)

Your welcome and yes I am doing "ok" sometimes are worse than others but at the moment I'm "ok".

How are you? How is your grandfather?

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immissingyou

I had a difficult time talking to my mom when my grandmother died. We were all very close to her but my mom closest of all. Even after five years has passed, sometimes it's hard to know what to say, to bring it up. I don't know how she feels having lost her mom - I can't begin to imagine. I know how I feel having lost my grandmother but you're talking about two totally different relationships. I've found that sometimes just listening counts for a lot and is really all that is needed.

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