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More angry as time goes on....


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My beloved father passed July 7, 2010, and over the last two years, I have found my anger of his passing getting stronger. I've been seeing a grief counselor, I have friends that have consoled me, listened to me, and cried with me, and yet, the anger I feel with my dad's passing has not relinquished. I am angry at God for taking him, and in the way he took him. I am angry at the doctors who I thought could have done a better job caring for my dad.

But, I have never been angry at my father. He didn't ask for the cancer. How can I be angry at my dad, who accepted his cancer with grace, who accepted the treatments, and when it was discovered that it was not working, he resigned himself to his impending death with incredible bravery. He left this world with his family around him.

How can I be angry at dad? I miss him more than words can describe.

And yet, the anger rages in me because my dad is gone, and he is not coming back.

How have you dealt with your anger when you've lost a loved one?

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This is my first post here so pls bear with me...

I understand all too well the difficulty you are facing in dealing with anger. It's the reason I came looking for an online forum on the subject.

I too have friends/family who are there for me but I still find myself getting angry to the point of blind rage over things that happen, sometimes little things that normally wouldn't even bother me. It's confusing and I then get angry over the fact that I don't have enough control over my anger and so on until it just gets exhausting and then the depression gains headway.

My mother died 17/09/11.

She had a rare form of ovarian cancer that was discovered too late and in a short amount of time she went from being someone who was fiercely independent and very active, a graceful ballroom dancer and avid horticulturalist... to a cripple, hardly able to walk with the help of a frame and unable to even feed herself, get dressed or use the toilet by herself. This disease attacked her brain and stole from her every ounce of dignity before it finally took her life.

I feel angry that my mother was the type of person to get regular health checks/scans and lived a healthy lifestyle but it didn't change the fact that she could be struck down in such a vicious way.

I know that I need to heal and move on and I hate feeling so bitter about the way she died and the way certain people in her life treated her but what can I do?

I know I can't change the past. I still feel bitter about the way some of the doctors and even the counsellors treated her with a distinct lack of basic human empathy.

I just can't let go of this recurring anger, even with the help of antidepressants from my doctor.

I don't have an 'answer' and I'm desperately searching for one.

I saw a grief counsellor when my brother passed in '06 and it just didn't do it for me. I usually ended up spending the time crying and being unable to talk which I can do at home for free :-/

I miss her so terribly. I'm not religious so I don't believe that she is with my brother or that I will see either of them again and it just feels like a big, black hole, gnawing away at my insides because they'll always be missing from my life.

I really want some advice on dealing with my anger and ways to stop it before I let loose. ( I have tried counting before reacting but it doesn't work for me.)

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